Page 34 of Sin and Redemption

He followed my gaze to his damaged knuckles and shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

I wondered if physical pain would help with the emotional anguish I felt. “Does it help?”

Maximus stopped, his dark brows snatching together. “Does what help with what?”

“Does the pain make you feel better?”

He glanced down at his bruises. “I suppose it does for a short while.” He narrowed his eyes at me. “You are not like me, Sara. I don’t want you to cause yourself pain. If you need to unleash anger, unleash it on me.”

I shook my head. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to bed.”

“What about the soup?” Maximus held up the Tupperware container.

“I’m not hungry. It’s for you.”

When I finally lay in bed, I released a shaky breath. I lightly touched my belly despite the deep ache I felt, reminding myself that it wouldn’t grow. How long would it take until this pregnancy would end? I didn’t want a procedure, but the wait for the inevitable would be soul-crushing.

In the week since our wedding, I’d made sure I worked the day shift so I was there at night when Sara was home. I barely slept at night, so I heard Sara right away when she called my name. I was so stunned to hear my name that I rushed over into her bedroom in only boxers. Usually, I made sure to wear at least a shirt and sweatpants in the apartment when she was around.

Sara perched on the edge of her bed, trembling. A small bloodstain was visible on the linen behind her, and blood also dampened her white silk pajama pants. She stared at me with wide, shaken eyes. “I need my mom. Can you call her?” Her phone was on the floor beside her feet. Judging by the trembling of her hands, she’d probably dropped it.

“Sure,” I said as I crossed the room in two long strides and picked up the phone. I quickly called Liliana who would be over within five minutes.

“What can I do?” I asked the moment I hung up.

Sara stared up at me. Tears brimmed in her eyes. “I don’t want to flush it down the toilet. I can’t.”

The tears began flowing down her pale cheeks. I had trouble understanding what she meant until it finally dawned on me.

“Don’t. We can bury it.”

She shook her head slowly. “I can’t see it. I just can’t.” Sobs wrecked her shoulders, and I just wanted to go to her and console her. Fuck, I wanted to kneel by her feet and press my head against her belly. I wasn’t even sure why.

“I’ll handle it,” I said. I’d dealt with so much blood and worse in my life, so I would do this for Sara.

For a long time, we just looked at each other. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but a silent understanding passed between us.

The lock turned.

“It’s me!” Liliana called.

“Bedroom,” I called back.

She rushed in, then briefly froze when she saw Sara on the bed before she hurried over to her and helped Sara get up. Romero briefly glanced in, but then he retreated with a heartbroken expression. I stayed where I was, only watched as Liliana helped Sara into the bathroom. More blood trailed down Sara’s legs now, tinging her pants red. I turned away when Sara got undressed and listened to the sound of the shower being turned on. The water didn’t drown out Sara’s sobs or Liliana’s words of consolation.

I peered up. Sara huddled in the shower with her mother by her side as water spilled down on both of them. Sara’s eyes were closed, and her head leaned back. The water made it hard to see her tears, but the pain on her face was like a punch in the gut. Blood and water mingled on the marble surface of the shower.

I waited silently for two hours, bearing witness to Sara’s pain, physically and mentally, and wondered if this was my punishment. I fucking deserved it, but Sara didn’t deserve any of this misery. It made me incredibly mad, so fucking angry at the world.

Eventually, I stared at the floor because my rage at the universe became like a roaring fire that threatened to burn everything down.

When the sound of the water turned off, I looked back up. Liliana had wrapped Sara in a towel and helped her toward the bed. I took gauze from the bathroom cabinet and carefully picked up the remains of our baby, wrapping them up. I briefly closed my eyes because they burned. The warm fog probably triggered my eyes. I got up and carried the gauze into my bedroom, where I kept a beautiful antique ivory jewelry box with intricate flower carvings Mom had given me for this occasion. I hadn’t understood when she’d given it to me a couple of days ago, but now I did. I opened it and put the gauze inside, then closed it. I stared at the beautiful box, glad it was white and not made from wood like a coffin.

“Fuck,” I breathed and stared up at the ceiling.

A knock sounded, and Liliana poked her head in. “Sara would like to bury… bury the baby now.” Her face was tearstained too. She glanced from my face down to the box in my hands.

“Is it in there?”

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