Page 13 of Sin and Redemption

I shivered, trying not to let my thoughts take me down that road again. It would make leaving the house and going into public even harder, but I didn’t want to hide.

“Only took him a week,” I said with a fake smile.

“He contacted me right after, but I didn’t think having you deal with him was a good idea.”

I nodded. I didn’t like that Dad kept things from me, but I understood his need to protect me, especially because I knew he felt guilty.

“He can come over today if he wants,” I said, ignoring the way my pulse picked up and my belly clenched at the thought of meeting him. I hadn’t even dared thinking about our upcoming marriage yet. Maybe because I wasn’t sure if I even still wanted to go through with it. How could things not always be strange between Paolo and me? And if I was really pregnant…

The thought made my belly flip, but I shoved it away. I still had a week of not knowing, and fretting over it wouldn’t make things easier.

The moment Paolo entered our house, I knew there wouldn’t be a wedding. He couldn’t even look at my face.

“Hey, Sara,” he said as a way of greeting, his smile awkward and tight. He kept his distance from me. Not that we’d ever exchanged physical contact, but the distance between us had grown in every possible way.

Mom and Dad hovered in the background. Dad had made it very clear that he wouldn’t allow me to be alone with Paolo today. Not that I wanted privacy.

“Hey, Paolo.”

He looked like he hadn’t slept much, with dark circles under his brown eyes, and he appeared even more haggard than usual. He cleared his throat and rubbed his palms over his thighs, then he sent my parents a tight smile.

Paolo didn’t want to marry me. I could see it in his face, in his body language. He just didn’t know how to tell me without being rude and breaking our world’s rules. Though I supposed seeing your future wife having sex with another man on video, even if she didn’t choose to do so, gave Paolo a few loopholes to evade the marriage.

I felt sad, but not because I had feelings for him. I’d liked him in a platonic way and hadn’t minded a marriage when his parents had asked mine, but my heart had never been in it. I was sad because the future I had always envisioned slowly unraveled before my very eyes. I wouldn’t marry this winter and build a beautiful family with three kids. I’d be the center of gossip, with a canceled wedding and possibly a child from a man I wasn’t married to, born from an act I was trying to forget.

Everything I’d always wanted was suddenly out of reach. Most men wouldn’t marry me now. And was I really ready for that sort of commitment, for the intimacy it required?

“I don’t think we should go through with the wedding,” I said, making it easier for Paolo and myself. I couldn’t bear the awkward silence anymore, and I definitely didn’t want to listen to any possible explanation Paolo had come up with. “That’s what you came here to say, right?”

He looked from my parents to me, then quickly back again as if I’d caught him doing something indecent. And maybe it was. Perhaps it was cowardly and weak to end an engagement when your fiancée went through what I had, but I couldn’t blame him. EvenIfelt icky about the situation,about myself.

Dad’s expression darkened as he met Paolo’s gaze. “Is that why you’re here?”

Mom came over to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I touched her hand in reassurance. “It’s fine. It’s for the best.”

Dad scoffed. “It’s dishonorable to break an engagement, especially if your fiancée was hurt.”

“I didn’t…” Paolo trailed off. “It’s just…”

“Don’t,” I muttered. “Don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it. It’s over. You’re free to move on, and so am I.”

“Right.” Paolo shifted from one foot to the other, then gave a resolute nod. “I’ll be gone then. My father will call to make the necessary arrangements for the announcement.”

He backed away, briefly paused at the front door as if he wanted to say more, then he left.

In the utter silence that followed, I could practically hear my heart breaking. I didn’t feel as if I were free to move on. I carried too much baggage from the past and fear of the future with me. At least now I didn’t have to worry about a wedding anymore. Probably never again.

I let out a bitter laugh and closed my eyes. After a deep breath, I opened them again even though I knew the result would be the same.

The pregnancy test on the counter didn’t leave any room for doubt. It wasn’t a slight second line, not one you’d have to look for like some people did in those cutesy pregnancy test videos I used to watch on TikTok. My second line was fat and blue. It was unnecessary to do another test, but I still did. This one was even more blunt.Pregnant.It was as simple as that.

I was pregnant.

Pregnant from an event I wanted to forget.

Pregnant by a man I often resented even though I knew he didn’t have a choice, and I had even given him the okay. An okay that hadn’t really been worth much.

Pregnant out of wedlock.

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