Page 94 of Sin and Redemption

Fuck, I was still out of it from witnessing Sara giving birth by herself. Because I knew I wasn’t a huge help. I’d been overwhelmed and in awe. Terrified even. I’d heard the horror stories of women dying during birth, and Sara went into labor in the middle of nowhere without medical support.

Sara had mastered it gracefully like she’d conquered every hurdle thrown her way. Her strength was extraordinary.

Hearing her say those words of love healed some wounds of the past. Sara had never blamed me, not for what Jabba forced me to do, nor for being the reason why we were captured in the first place. I’d always carry my guilt, but it didn’t threaten to crush me anymore. I wanted to put into words what Sara meant to me, what Ambra and our family meant to me, but things like that were fucking hard for me.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Sara said, seeing my struggle.

“But I want to,” I said firmly. I touched her cheek. She was pale from blood loss, another reminder that things could have ended differently and I should never take this for granted. I cleared my throat, but it still felt rough.

“I’m so happy, it’s hard to put into words. I love what we’ve built. I love Ambra, I love us, I love you so much.” I closed my eyes because these fucking words didn’t come out right, not how I wanted them, not nearly as impactful as what Sara had said. “You are the strongest woman I know. You deserve the world. You deserve happiness and joy. I’ll spend the rest of my life working tirelessly to make sure you and Ambra are happy and safe. I’ll try to show you my love with actions every day and try to voice it too. I never want you to feel unappreciated or unloved for a single moment in your life.” I swallowed. “And the dark path that we’ve trod? I’d walk it over and over again to be with you, and still, I want nothing more than to erase every moment of pain from your past, especially the pain I caused.”

Sara touched my cheek now too. “I want today to mark not just Ambra’s birth but also the day when we finally let the past be the past and focus on what we have now and our beautiful future ahead.”

I kissed her, pouring all my love into it. “You always say what I can’t say.”

“Your love language is acts of service. I know that.”

I chuckled and kissed her again. Mom too had once told Dad about his love language, and I felt the same confusion today as I had back then. “As long as you understand my love language, we’re good because I love you more than words can express.”

Sara smiled and nodded, tears shining in her eyes. “I understand.” She let out a yawn and gave me a sheepish look. “I’m sorry.”

“No. You need to sleep. You must be exhausted.” She stretched out in the bed with Ambra on her chest in the bonding shirt. It didn’t look comfortable, but Sara seemed to be blissful. And I got it. Holding Ambra in my arms had been wonderful and terrifying. This small baby was now mine to protect. I’d make sure she’d never be touched by the darkness that had harmed so many Famiglia women in the past.

Sara fell asleep right away, and after a few minutes, I snuck out and went downstairs. Mom and Dad, who had returned from his appointment in the city with Primo, sat around the table. He got up and hugged me. “Congrats, Maximus. I’m so proud of you. Your mom told me what happened.”

“I didn’t do much. Sara did it all.”

Dad shrugged as if that was to be expected. “Women always do.” He gave Mom a look that made her smile.

“Sara and Ambra are asleep. You can see them in the morning,” I told Dad.

“I can be patient,” Dad rumbled.

“Just not with your recovery,” Mom said with an air of disapproval. Since Dad’s surgery, he went into the city for rehab three times a week, and he went to the gym to build more muscle in the rest of his body every day. He had learned to walk with his futuristic prosthesis in no time too, but he was annoyed that he hadn’t managed to get rid of the limp yet. Due to the still healing wounds, he couldn’t constantly wear his prosthesis.

Dad grumbled something under his breath. Primo came in wet and dirty.

I raised my eyebrows. That was how I had looked before I’d changed clothes, only with more blood.

“One of the new dogs jumped me from behind, and I did a face-plant.” He gave me a broad smile and pulled me into a hug that got me dirty. “Congrats, big brother. I can’t believe you’re a dad now.”

I couldn’t really wrap my head around it yet either. Mom warmed up some soup while I checked the messages on my phone. Word had gotten out that Ambra was born, and people sent congratulations. Amo and Greta’s message especially meant a lot because I knew how much they struggled with their fate.

“I’ll take a short walk to the oak tree. If Sara needs me, can you come get me?” I asked Primo.

He gave a nod and settled on the couch in front of the TV. “I’ll have to leave in the morning. Because you and Dad can’t do the shift, I have to work more, remember?”

“It’s not like you have other plans,” I said with a wink.

Dad grimaced. “I would work more, but Luca insists I fully recover before I return to my old schedule.”

I left with a chuckle. Once outside in the crisp evening air, I buttoned the jacket I’d borrowed from Dad since my own was ruined and walked into the woods. My heartbeat quickened when I arrived at the oak tree, but it was nothing compared to the crazy pounding when Sara had gone into labor.

I squatted down before the cross that I’d carved in one of the darkest hours of my life. If someone had told me back then that I would find happiness and love, I wouldn’t have believed them, especially not if they’d told me that I’d find both with Sara. I was glad I hadn’t given up, that I’d accepted the struggle and made a promise to redeem myself. In the past, I’d often tortured myself with questions of what-if, but today, I made the promise to stop my mind from going down this spiral of hypothesis. It led nowhere except for madness.

Things were good, fuck, better than good as they were now. I had everything and more than I’d ever wanted. I still wasn’t sure I deserved any of it, but I’d work hard to be deserving of it one day.

The drive back to our apartment was uncomfortable, and Ambra cried half the time, so we repeatedly had to stop. Still, I was glad when I sank down on our sofa with our baby girl. Cara and Growl had taken great care of us, but I wanted to be in our own home, and I was eager for my parents and siblings to finally meet our daughter. Until then, Maximus, Ambra, and I snuggled together on the sofa.

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