Page 38 of Sin and Redemption

The atmosphere was relaxed and easygoing, surprising me.

“We always take a walk through the forest after dinner to help digestion,” Cara said. “Do you want to join us or would you like to stay inside with Maximus?”

“I’ll join you, but I’m not sure I have the right clothes for a walk.” I was in a satin dress and wool tights. My wool coat was pretty but not designed to withstand below zero temperatures for long.

“I can give you something of mine to wear if you don’t mind.”

I followed Cara to the master bedroom. We didn’t talk as we rummaged in her wardrobe until she pulled out a thermal shirt, thermal jacket and thermal pants. “I know it’s not as pretty as what you wear now but it’ll keep you warm.”

I shrugged. I changed into the clothes then went out into the hallway where Cara waited for me. Scratching and soft whines came from the two doors down the hallway.

“Maximus’s dog Bacon and our four dogs are locked in there because we weren’t sure if you were okay with dogs.”

I flushed. “Maximus has a dog?”

Cara pursed her lips. “Yes. He’s had him for three years.”

“I didn’t know. And he left him here because of me?”

Cara touched my shoulder. “He left him here because Bacon is used to living in a house with a big yard. He’s not a city dog.”

“I made Maximus move to the city.”

Cara shook her head with a kind smile. “He made the choice because he wants to make it work between you.”

Heat rose into my cheeks.

“What are you doing up there? We’re being roasted in our clothes down here!” Primo shouted.

“Let’s not make them wait,” I said before I actually had to talk about the state of my marriage. Cara and I headed downstairs. Growl wrapped his arm around Cara as we strolled through the dark forest. Maximus and Primo carried big torches that illuminated our surroundings. The soft crackling of the fire gave me a sense of comfort.

I wondered if I should bridge the subject of his dog. He’d never mentioned him to me. I felt bad that he’d left him behind to move to the city for me.

“Your mom mentioned Bacon,” I said casually.

Maximus’s face remained stoic, the flickering lights from the flame accentuating his strong jaw and prominent cheekbones. “He’s happy here. And I visit him at least once a week. He wouldn’t be happy in the city. Even though he’s my dog, he’s always been part of our family and has always lived in this house, so it’s not like he’s not still home.”

I nodded. I was glad that Maximus hadn’t taken the dog with him. I was wary of dogs, had always been since one had thrown me to the ground by accident when I was a little kid. Still, I hated the thought of being the sole reason for their separation.

“Maybe one day if we ever have a house outside the city, we can get a dog,” Maximus said.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t imagine moving farther away from my family. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling like Maximus was my family. Not after losing our baby…

My heart clenched as it always did when the memory of my loss came uninvited.

“Aren’t you coming?” Growl asked, turning around to us.

I had ground to a stop without realizing it and so had Maximus.

“Let’s head left,” Maximus said. His parents who had been about to go right stopped. My gaze sought the old oak that the light of the torch barely reached. Now I knew why Maximus didn’t want to go right.

“I’d like to go right. Alone.”

Maximus stepped closer to me. The heat from the fire banished some of the cold the sight of the oak had created in my inside. “Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”

I hesitated. My first impulse was to say no. “I don’t want to talk. I just want to…” I wasn’t really sure what I wanted. To some people, it was probably incomprehensible why I’d insisted on a burial for a fetus that didn’t even qualify as a “real” baby yet. As if sadness could be measured by weeks.

“I’m the last person who wants to talk about feelings, trust me,” he murmured, and together we made our way toward the oak tree. As we came close enough for the flames to illuminate the ground in front of the tree, my breath halted. A beautiful wood-carved cross sat atop the small grave.

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