Page 10 of Sin and Redemption

“Are you hungry?”

I shook my head. My belly still felt as if I was in a boat during a heavy storm.

“You should eat,” Mom encouraged gently. The plea in her voice finally won me over. I could only imagine how much she worried about me. I didn’t want to give her another reason.

“How can I resist your minestrone?” I took a seat at the wooden table. Most days, we had breakfast and lunch in our big kitchen. We only ate dinner in the living room when Dad and Flavio joined us.

Inessa, Alea, and Mom joined me at the table, and we dug in. Despite my nausea, I forced a few spoons of soup down. It tasted as delicious as always, but I simply couldn’t eat more. I leaned back and enjoyed Alea and Inessa’s bickering. Those two loved each other dearly, but not a day passed when they didn’t fight.

A message lit up Mom’s phone from where it rested on the table beside her bowl of soup. She usually didn’t allow phones at the table. Maybe Dad and Flavio were sending her updates.

The screen lit up again just when Mom pulled it away from the table, obviously to hide it from me. Too late.

Paolo’s father.

Oh god. I hadn’t thought about Paolo at all since my conversation with Mom in the car. Paolo, my fiancé. The man I was supposed to marry in two months, in a wedding our mothers had planned for over a year.

Mom gave me a tight smile. Did she really think I hadn’t seen who had written her?

“They know?”

Mom nodded. “They were just asking how you feel.”

If that were the case, why did Mom hide her phone the moment she saw who it was?

I wasn’t sure where my phone was. Had it been destroyed during the crash? Or had the Russians destroyed it to avoid it being tracked?

“Where’s my phone?”

Mom got up and took it from the kitchen counter. The screen had a crack, but when I turned it on, it worked as always.

Soon, messages started flooding in.

“We messaged you last night. We didn’t know you didn’t have your phone,” Inessa said, looking up from her bowl, her spoon an inch from her lips.

I scanned my messenger. There were messages from my sisters, Valerio, Gianna, Aria, Marcella, and Isabella. Not one from Paolo. If he and his parents wanted to inquire about my health, he could have messaged me. I opened Isa’s message first.

If you want to talk, I’m in the gym operating the counter today. It’ll be boring as hell. Many hugs.

Isa and I were cousins and liked each other, but we were different. She was three years younger than me, so we’d never hung out together. She, Flavio, and Valerio had always been inseparable, and I didn’t want to meddle with their bond. Isa had been kidnapped three months ago. She’d never talked to me about the incident, and I had never dared to ask. Maybe it was time to change that.

I opened the other messages, but they all basically told me the same.

“There isn’t a message from Paolo,” I said, disappointed.

Mom put her spoon down, and her smile became even tighter. “Maybe he wants to give you some space.”

“Maybe.” I could tell that Mom was keeping something from me. I didn’t want to think about Paolo and my wedding right now. Part of me felt guilty, almost as if I had any say in what had happened. On an intellectual level, I knew that was nonsense, but that didn’t change what I felt. “I would like to see Isa in the gym today. She invited me over.”

Mom’s eyes widened in shock. She got up and picked up our bowls. I immediately helped her while Inessa and Alea wiped the table and loaded the dishwasher. “Do you think it’s a good idea to go out yet?”

“I won’t hide.”

“You shouldn’t hide, but…” Mom leaned against the kitchen counter, the dish towel clutched in her hands as she watched me with furrowed brows. “You seem so… composed. I’m worried you’re trying to be strong for our sake.” The last she whispered so Alea and Inessa, who were singing a song from Taylor Swift at the top of their lungs, couldn’t hear her.

“Would you prefer if I broke down and cried?” I swallowed hard because I could feel a storm brewing deep inside me, and I was terrified of the destruction it might cause if unleashed. I wanted my old life. I wanted normalcy. I never broke down. I was never overly emotional. I was reliable and calm. Maybe it came with being the eldest child. When Mom had struggled after giving birth to Alea, I had taken over responsibilities. Even when things had become easier after a few months, I had just never stopped being a sort of shadow parent.

Mom touched my shoulder. “Of course not. I’m just worried about you.”

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