Page 78 of I'll Carry You

“Then so be it. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” Jen stood and went to the fridge. She pulled out a can of seltzer and popped it open. “For right now, I have bigger things on my mind. I called Laura yesterday and quit my job at the cabins. And I think Bunny’s upset at me for missing work today again.”

Lindsay stared at her in shock. “What? Why? To avoid seeing Jason? You know he’s leaving, right?”

Jen sighed. She’d been toying with the idea—wanting to avoid Jason was just the last bit of ammunition she needed. “The cabin job has become a lot less necessary with cell phones. And now that Laura and Mark live at the main house, they’re what? Twenty seconds down the road? The main reason Laura kept that job going is that she thinks of me as family. And I realized recently that I can’t keep bouncing Colby around all over the place. When every place is your child’s ‘second home’—it might be because he doesn’t have a ‘primary’ one. So I’m going to give him one, even if it’s right here. That’s worth the six hundred bucks a week I make at the cabins. I can swallow my pride.”

Lindsay came toward her. She hugged her again. “Jen, I feel so...I’m so, so sorry. Do you have any idea how much I admire you? You’re like the hardest working person I know.”

Giving a self-deprecating laugh that did nothing to ease the pressure on her chest, Jen sipped her seltzer. The fizz of the bubbles traveled down the length of her throat. “Linds, I’m a huge screwup, but thanks. I have thousands of dollars of rent and preschool back payments to figure out, not to mention credit card debt. And my only shot at paying off any of it—the baking competition—God, I’m so embarrassed about that. I have no choice but to withdraw.”

“Which is why you should take that money.” Lindsay spoke slowly, emphasizing her words. She released her and went back to the table for her purse. “Here. Tierney asked me to give you the invoice for the preschool.” She dug through her purse and pulled out an envelope. “And I wasn’t going to, but I want you to look at that number and then think about what it’s going to take to pay it off. Don’t throw away a chance at a life preserver when you’re barely staying afloat.”

Jen took the envelope and tore it open. She’d been avoiding all her bills for so long, that she didn’t even know what she owed. Unfolding it, she blinked at the zeroes at the bottom of the invoice. She furrowed her brow and looked over the top of the paper at Lindsay. “Is this a joke?”

Lindsay sidled up to her and looked at the paper. Her eyes widened. “It says you have a zero balance. I don’t understand.”

“Youdon’t understand?” What the hell did this mean?

“Your parents must have paid it off.”

Jen shook her head slowly. “I never told them I was behind on the preschool payments.”

“Who did you tell?”

Jen closed her eyes.No.Would he have done it? Every conversation she’d had with him felt so fraudulent. She gritted her teeth. “Jason.” Then she ripped the invoice up into four long pieces.

“Honey, this is a good thing. So he paid off some of your debt. It’s the tip of the iceberg with what he owes you.” Lindsay gathered a piece of the invoice from the floor.

“No, it’s not okay. I don’t want to owe him anything. He had no right to invade my privacy and throw his money at me.” Jen felt heat rising up her body. “But, Linds? Between him and Kevin, they completely and totally humiliated me. As much as Kevin broke my heart, in some ways, Jason has hurt me more—he just came down here to screw with me and my life and—” She stomped her foot, crumpling the shreds of paper in her hands. She threw them across the room, where they bounced off the wall.

The thought of every encounter, every touch made her want to scream with fury.

Yet every hour that went by without hearing from him, she fought the urge to find some excuse to send him a message. Just to talk to him.

They hadn’t even been in an actual relationship—had they?

Lindsay stared at her quietly, then said, “Jen, I think you really care about this guy. And he hurt you. But you’re not making any sense. You say you don’t want Colby’s inheritance. You don’t want the money he’s given you. What is it you want?”

To find my soul mate. To find someone who respects me, loves me, and wants the very best for Colby.

She’d been foolish to think what she was missing was some fun in her life. Or even sex. And as good as that had been with Jason, what he’d provided was something much more meaningful—a soft place to land, someone to have an adult conversation with, friendship, even.

That day that he’d helped her with Colby at Bunny’s, she’d let herself imagine what life with a proper partner and father figure for Colby would be like. Losing that, having to start that search all over again, made her feel like giving up altogether.

“Him.” Jen gave a weak, defeated shrug, dropping her hands to her sides. Because for a moment, she had thought she’d found all those things in Jason. “I want him. The chemistry and fun we had together wasn’t fake. At least, I don’t think he could have faked that. All last night I kept tossing and turning in my sleep, wondering if anything he told me was true, but especially if he meant what he said about marrying me and adopting Colby. Because even if he just wanted me for money, I don’t know...it still gets me him in the end, right?”

“No, not right. Colby deserves a dad, not a creepy uncle who married his mom so he could control his money. You deserve a man wholovesyou. Sure, sex with him might be good. For now. Until he decides he wants to go back to his lifestyle of brief affairs. How can you ever trust anything he says again?”

Jen wanted to agree—if only for the sake of having Lindsay not think she was foolish—but did she? She’d seen the hurt in his eyes, the desperation when he pleaded with her to listen to him.

Lindsay crossed her arms as though trying to figure out what she was thinking. “You know what? I take it back. He shouldn’t have paid off that bill. Because I can see the way your brain is working. He probably did it so you’d think he’s some great guy who cares about you. Don’t let him use this to manipulate you. He’s clearly good at it.”

Jen narrowed her gaze at Lindsay, then whipped out her cell phone. She typed out a text to Jason before she could regret it.

Jen:Did you pay off my bill?

Three dots immediately appeared in a bubble. He was texting her back. That it made her heart lighten only helped to reinforce what she knew. She wanted to hear from him. Wanted to talk to him.

Jason:Which one?

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