Page 67 of I'll Carry You

“Well, I hope not. Considering they’re your brothers.” Jason’s voice was dry, the hint of a smile curving on his lips.

“This isn’t funny.” His joke only stoked her anger. “Don’t you get it? No, I guess you don’t. There’s a little boy involved here. A little boy who maybe you don’t give a shit about and if that’s the case, fine. You’re not obligated to. God knows Kevin didn’t stick around. But for you to come here and do what you did? It feels like a sick joke.”

Her anger burned up her chest. She’d parked at the guest lodge, which she was thankful for. She needed a moment to walk off her mounting fury before getting behind the wheel of a car again. Giving him a look that she hoped was scathing, she started forward. She shouldn’t have bothered to come here. Seeing Jason only made things worse for her.

Jason’s hand shot out as she brushed beside him, his fingertips catching hers. “Jen, wait.”

She stiffened, closing her eyes. She didn’t want to feel anything for him.

Jason didn’t release her fingers, and she didn’t pull away. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you the truth the last few days. And the more I tried to find a way, the more I didn’t know how.”

She threw him a glance over her shoulder. “Yeah, well, you should have thought of a way before we fucked.”

“It wasn’t that easy.” Jason’s hand tightened on hers. “I didn’t plan what happened between us; it just happened. And, yes, I’m the type of selfish asshole who lets it happen. You and Colby are both better off without me in your lives. I spent a good part of the morning trying to come up with a way to apologize to you, and everything I thought of fell short of what you deserve. There’s nothing I can do to apologize.”

She pulled her hand away, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “You could start by saying you’re sorry. You haven’t even tried those words, Jason! God, it’s not that hard to do the bare minimum decent thing here.” She searched his gaze and then shook her head. Was he incapable of saying he was sorry? He was awfully arrogant. Maybe he didn’t have much practice. But it didn’t excuse him.

He stared at her, silent, clearly struggling to speak.

A choked, overwhelming feeling gripped her. Whirling around, she scanned the nearby wood line, then took off at a sprint, desperate to get away.

She’d avoided these woods since Colby had disappeared in them. But they offered a desolate comfort to her now, of just being away from Jason and everyone.Everything.

Avoiding the path that would lead downhill to the stream, she took the trail that led to the cliff known by locals as “Redding’s Bluff” even though it was in the state park beside the cabin property. A crunch of leaves sounded behind her.

“Jen, wait.” Jason was close behind, but she didn’t stop.

“Go away.” She swiped a few tears from her eyes.God, I’m such an idiot.She ran, thankful she was in her work tennis shoes and jeans.

“Will you stop?” Jason grabbed a fistful of her jacket, but she wrested herself free.

“No. I mean it, Jason.” She continued her uphill trek, dodging past barren tree branches and brush with spindly thorns. “Leave. Me. Alone.”

“I’m not letting you run off into the forest by yourself. The last thing I need is for you to fall off a cliff or get attacked by some axe murderer out here and have that on my head.” Jason didn’t even sound like he was struggling with the trail, which was her luck. He was a runner, though, so this was probably nothing for him.

She slowed, unable to verbalize her response while running.

“Why do you care? You’re just planning on leaving, aren’t you? Anyway, I’m a small-town girl from the country. You city boys seem to think that there’s nothing but serial killers hanging around here instead of good-hearted people who realize the value of a life without so much noise.” She broke through the crest of the hill, out of breath, then gripped the trunk of a maple where the forest let out onto the rough sandstone of the mountain cliff.

She couldn’t appreciate the view through her tears. Thick gray clouds blanketed the sky. But in the distance, a few sunbeams streamed down onto the tops of the naked trees, branches swaying as a strong, icy blast of wind wound past them.

Jason came up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders. “Jen, I’m sorry.” His voice was raw, strained. “I don’t even know how to tell you—”

“It’s not that hard, is it?” She turned to face him, still trying to catch her breath.

He cupped her face in his hands, wiping the trail of tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Jen. I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m just no good. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t say it in a self-pitying way. It was more like a statement of fact. He’d accepted this way of thinking about himself. That he was inherently rotten.

“What made you think this way about yourself?” She moistened her dry lips, searching his eyes. Kevin had struggled with his darkness, too, but he’d turned to drugs to soothe his pain. And that was when she saw a very distinct difference between the brothers. Jason believed his darkness. Jason had... accepted it instead. She didn’t know which was more dangerous.

What had happened to them?She reached up, placing her hands on his wrists. “I may not know much about you, Jason, but you’re not a bad person. I don’t know why you think you are.”

“Because you don’t know me.” He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. The stubble of his jaw brushed against her skin, and shivers crawled up her spine.

As though he sensed the response of her body to his, he pulled back, just slightly, as she raised her chin, lifting her lips toward his. His mouth descended on hers, not a kiss of wild sexual passion but something more.

Need.

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