Page 62 of I'll Carry You

What? Why had Kevin lied to her about his last name? Had Millie known? She looked back toward the door of the Depot. She didn’t know that she’d ever discussed Kevin’s name with Millie, actually. The only time that might have qualified was when Millie came to see her and Colby at the hospital after he’d been born.

“What’d you name him?” Mildred asked, peering down at the little bundle in Jen’s arms.

“Colby. Klein. Like me.”

“Good.”

And that was it. Neither of them had gone into the specifics of Kevin’s last name. Neither of them had a reason to. Jen closed her eyes, unable to look at Jason.

Kevin had never mentioned having a brother, had he?

Maybe he had. She could hardly remember anymore. Aware of the number of people still on the street, she spun and started her flight again.

Tears stung her eyes as she thought of all her conversations with him. The ample opportunities he’d had to tell her the truth. She put a hand to her throat. She’d had sex with him, for God’s sake. More than once.

Colby was hisnephew. Same color eyes.

Who was Jason? Why was he in Brandywood? He’d been lying about so much. Was Kevin using him to spy on her? Maybe he finally had decided to make a bid for custody. The thought made her tremble.

As Jason fell into step beside her, words spilled from her chest as she walked. “I don’t leave Colby by himself in the guest lodge too often, you know. Almost never. And I rarely date. And no, I haven’t slept with anyone else since Kevin. I don’t make a habit of that. And...and the preschool stuff? We’re working through it. I have him talking to a therapist, and as soon as I find another childcare option, we’ll be totally fine financially. December has a lot of overtime opportunities for me. The eviction...”

Oh, God.

She’d given Jason every tool to destroy her with.

“I’m not—” Jason’s eyes moved to her hands. “You’re shaking.”

Jen swiped her tears away and stopped by the small park on Main—really just a few benches and streetlamps and trees. In the back, a small bridge overlooked the river that flowed alongside the city.

She gave Jason a pleading look. “I love Colby. More than life itself. And I don’t mind Kevin wanting to be a part of his life if he wants. God knows I dreamed about it for...well, years, actually. Colby deserves a dad. But”—her face grew more serious, less vulnerable—“he can’t seriously think he can waltz in here. I don’t have time for games anymore, and neither does Colby. I refuse to even entertain the idea of introducing them if there’s a chance he’ll disappear again.”

Jason was silent. The silence was thick and uncomfortable, and she wanted Jason to say something.

Anything.

At last, Jason lifted his blue eyes to her. Eyes that were just like Kevin’s. Just like Colby’s.

No wonder she’d thought they looked like father and son.Stupid, stupid.

How could she have missed something so monumental?

“Jen, I don’t know how to tell you this, but...Kevin’s dead.”

She gripped his forearm to steady herself, gasping.Dead?

It’d been almost four years since she last saw Kevin. And she’d spent most of the time hating him. But she’d never thought he was dead. Not really. She choked back another cry, then wiped her eyes, leaving a streak of mascara across her fingers. “How?”

He unbuttoned the top button of his coat as though he felt hot, despite the frigid December temperatures. “To be honest, I don’t really know much about it. He left home over seven years ago. Barely came back while he was in college and just vanished after a while. Then I got the call one day to come down to the hospital and identify a man in the morgue. It was him.”

She fought for composure, then found a nearby bench to sit. “What did he die of?”

Jason didn’t sit beside her, his posture rigid. “An overdose.”

Oh, Kevin.

His demons had come back to haunt him, after all. She shuddered, the cold permeating her uneven breaths and invading every inch of her skin. She almost didn’t want to ask her next question, but it burned in her throat. “When?”

Jason looked back toward a group of passersby on the sidewalk. He waited until they’d moved farther away, then stepped closer. “About three and a half years ago.”

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