Page 39 of I'll Carry You

Asking TJ to find out where Kevin had been had opened a door Jason hadn’t expected. He’d given TJ access to parts of his own past and history he didn’t want anyone rooting around in. The damage was done there—TJ would always see that side of him now. But Jason wasn’t about to allow TJ to keep bringing it up like he actually knew him.

Jason rolled his shoulders. “I’m hanging around my nephew because my nephew’s mother is very fuckable. End of story.” The words sounded as acidic coming out of his mouth as he’d intended them to sound. He swallowed the guilt down with the acid.

Regardless of his intentions, TJ had hit a nerve.

No child should be forced to grow up without their father’s love.

ChapterFourteen

Jen scoopedthe starter from the crock, weighing it on the scale. No matter how many years she’d been working with it, feeding it, storing the discard, the whole process felt a little like she was working with a hungry child in the kitchen. The sourdough bread bowls for Tuesday’s clam chowder special were usually started on Mondays. Today, it was up to her to make sure they were prepared.

She moved the starter to the mixing bowl, then added warm water and flour. When Bunny had first taught her how to bake bread, Jen had watched in amazement as Bunny seemed to measure out the precise amount without weighing it. Bunny had told her that after over forty years of making bread, she knew by feel what the right weight was.

Eight years later, Jen understood what she’d meant. She’d gotten there faster than eight years yet still measured everything just in case, but she didn’t really need to. Some day, she might feel brave enough if she was working in her own kitchen. But in the same way that Bunny was the best mentor Jen could have ever asked for, she also expected precise results.

“What do we do now?” Jason’s voice cut through Jen’s thoughts.

She looked across the kitchen toward the stove, where Jason held a wooden spoon above a pot. Colby stood on a step stool beside him.

She still couldn’t believe he’d shown up here this morning.

Wiping the flour from her hands onto the apron, Jen crossed the kitchen and peeked into the pot. A yellowish lump of dough had formed in the center. “It looks pretty good.” She turned off the heat and grabbed the wax paper sheet she’d gotten ready for him. Laying it flat on the counter beside the stove, she spooned the dough out onto the wax paper.

“Knead it on the wax paper until it gets smooth.” She turned and then held back a smile at Jason’s blank expression.

“What the hel—heck does that mean?” Jason quirked a brow. “You sure this is going to work? I bet that toy store up the street has playdough, you know. I don’t mind buying some.”

She choked on her laughter. “I know. I was in charge of making playdough for the preschool. It’ll be fine.” She wasn’t entirely sure it would come together. Somehow, the mixture looked lumpier than when she made it.

“Can we add the blue now?” Colby asked eagerly.

“Not yet. Really soon.” She pushed her palm flat against the dough. “Knead. Like this. Except not yet. It’s still too hot. My hands are used to handling hot stuff.”

Jason shot her an amused look. “I bet.”

She felt her cheeks warm and cleared her throat, giving him a warning look. “Also, I’m going to move you to that smaller table over there. Lunchtime is starting soon, and the kitchen is about to get really busy.” As it was, the cooks were shooting Jason looks like they were wondering what the hell he was doing in there. She tried to stay out of their way. Cooking always took precedence over the baking, and they would need her help during lunch today.

This had felt like a great idea when the morning had started, and things were relatively quiet. But now that the kitchen was at full speed, it felt stupid and dangerous. A kitchen was no place for a toddler, even at a place like Bunny’s where everyone knew and loved them both. Jen suspected the only reason no one had said anything was because they all knew Travis was one of her best friends.

Jason gave the lump of misshapen, hot dough a disgusted look. “I was thinking, what if I walk Colby down to that bookstore a few stores down? I saw on my run yesterday that they have a story hour at eleven.”

She bit her lip and caught one of the line cooks giving her the side-eye. Would Colby be safe?

“Behind!” Molly, the server working the lunch shift, called, passing them with a tray of hot soup. She scowled at Jen as Jason tucked Colby out of her path.

Jason must have noticed the looks, too, if he’d suggested the story hour.

As much as Jen felt guilty about letting Colby out of her sight, it might be a better idea than keeping Jason and Colby in the kitchen during lunch hour. “What do you think, bud? You want to go to story hour at Miss Annie’s?”

Colby’s face brightened. “Yeah!”

She helped Colby down from the stool, then untied the apron from his neck. “Sounds good. But if you need anything at all—”

“I know where to find you.” Jason gave her a reassuring look. “I promise I’ll bring him right back.”

As they headed out the kitchen door, Travis passed them on his way in. He held the door for Jason and then let it swing shut behind him. Jen met his gaze and looked away, her face feeling hotter. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Travis crossed his arms and came closer. “You don’t know.”

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