Page 26 of Shock & Awe

“Suspended without pay until they straighten out the warrant for my arrest in Louisiana,” Nick explained, beginning to laugh.

“That’s bullshit,” Kelly muttered.

Nick shrugged it off. “It’s the second time I’ve been in custody in the last year, I’d suspend me too.”

He laughed again and placed the iPad aside, turning to look at Kelly instead. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Kelly said with a nod, taking stock mentally. He nodded again. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Nick hesitated briefly, then said, “I’ve got to write up a steaming pile of bullshit for my captain telling him why I shouldn’t be fired.”

“Go do it,” Kelly said, laughing despite the underlying worry that Nick might actually lose his job.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m going to rest for a bit.”

Nick narrowed his eyes skeptically.

“I’ll call if I need help,” Kelly assured him.

Nick gave him a brief kiss and rolled out of bed, taking his iPad downstairs. Kelly let his mind drift, thinking of Nick, thinking of their past together and the probability of them having a future. It was sudden and it was different, but Kelly still couldn’t see a flaw in it. So what if Nick was famously afraid to move a romantic relationship past the fuck buddies stage? So what if Kelly’d never been with a guy before? Or even been attracted to a guy before.

He’d always acknowledged beauty in other men, but again, he’d never felt attraction. What if it really was the narcotics he’d been on the past few weeks? What if it was the near-death experience and Nick emerging as his caretaker? What if Nick was right and this was just a situational thing? What if the shine rubbed off?

What if they looked up in a week or a month and found that they’d permanently altered the shape of their friendship, a friendship Kelly valued more than anything in the world, all for the whim of a man on the brink of death and high on Percocet?

What if Kelly actually convinced Nick this was a good idea, and got past those defenses Nick had worked his whole life building up, only to decide it was the wrong thing after all? It would crush Nick. Just the thought made Kelly nauseous. They were already on a slippery slope as it was; he needed to be damn sure they could take one more step without the whole cliff giving way.

When he looked up, he remembered he was alone. Nick had music playing low downstairs, obviously thinking it would cover the sounds of him muttering to himself so Kelly would rest. But Kelly couldn’t rest. He needed to solidify this in his mind so he’d stop panicking. He called out for Nick, and soon he heard Nick’s footsteps coming up the steps.

“I think I need to watch some gay porn,” he told Nick as soon as the man reached the top.

Nick stopped short, eyes wide. A look of pure confusion passed over his face before he nodded and turned to head back down the steps. “I’ll get the iPad.”

Kelly was eating his cold bacon when Nick returned, iPad in hand.

“Am I to assume this is you trying to test if you’re actually attracted to men instead of just being a horny stoner?” Nick asked as he crawled into the bed and propped the iPad between them.

“Something like that.”

“What outcome are we hoping for here?” Nick asked as he tapped at the screen.

Kelly gazed at his profile. Nick glanced at him, returning Kelly’s smirk with one of his own.

“I’m hoping I find watching a guy take it in the ass just as hot as I find the memory of you that night in San Diego,” Kelly finally decided. “Or last night. Or the night before. Or just the thought of you doing to me what you did to that girl.”

Nick was still looking at him sideways, but a flush began to appear on his cheeks.

Kelly swallowed hard, growing warmer. “You remember that night?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You . . . you were, um . . . impressive.”

“I knew you were watching,” Nick murmured.

“Exhibitionist.”

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