Page 71 of Part & Parcel

Kelly swallowed hard, shaking his head and desperately trying to find something to say. He watched helplessly as Nick rested his back against the refrigerator behind the bar and sank down to sit on his ass, out of sight behind the bar. Ty climbed over the bar and thumped out of sight after him. Kelly took a hesitant step forward as he glanced at Zane and Digger, neither of whom had moved or made a sound. Digger was scowling heavily, and Zane merely looked like he wanted to fade through a crack in the wall.

Kelly approached the bar, Owen and Digger joining him as they peered over at Ty and Nick, huddled on the floor together. Ty had taken possession of the beer bottle and set it far enough away that Nick couldn’t reach it, and Nick had his knees pulled up, his elbows resting on them, his chin on his arms as he stared at the floor without blinking.

“You never told him why you pulled that trigger, Irish,” Ty was saying softly. “You should have told him, he would have understood so much more.”

Kelly’s heart was hammering, he could feel it in his throat and in his ears. He hadn’t spoken to Nick for weeks after he’d shot that boy. Yes, they’d found weapons on him. And yes, he’d probably been about to open fire on them. But Kelly hadn’t been able to reconcile the killing with the man he knew Nick was, he hadn’t been able to look into Nick’s eyes without seeing that flat absence of emotion. Truth be told, he’d never really looked at Nick the same way again, even after they’d both apologized and forgiven each other.

Kelly eased around the end of the bar and approached Nick and Ty carefully, crouching a few feet away from them. “What don’t I understand?”

Nick didn’t move. As far as Kelly could tell, he hadn’t even blinked.

“You say you can’t change the past,” Kelly said, trying not to let his frustration bleed through again. “You can’t change it, but you can change what I think of it, right?”

“Can I?” Nick said as he turned his head to stare at Kelly. The look in his eyes chilled Kelly to his very bones and stole his breath away. There was nothing behind those eyes that were usually full of warmth and light, that usually danced like waves on the shore. They were empty. And they were terrifying. “You can’t change the way you see the past, so why should I try?”

“Nicko,” Kelly whispered.

“There was a kid,” Nick said as he glanced up at the others and then down again. “When Ty and I were on our first tour. We were on the gate, and he wouldn’t halt. He just kept walking, coming toward us. Had his hands raised. He stepped over the dead man’s line, and I . . .”

Kelly inched closer as Nick trailed off. His eyes had gone distant, and Kelly realized with a sinking feeling where he was going with this.

Ty slipped his arm around Nick’s shoulders protectively, and Kelly almost glared at him. Ty didn’t have to fucking protect Nick fromhim.

“Irish tried to save the kid’s life,” Ty practically snarled. “He didn’t shoot when he should have, and when the bomb strapped to that fucking child’s back went off, we got caught in the blowback.”

“That’s where the shrapnel in your femur is from,” Kelly realized out loud, breathless from the revelation. Nick just closed his eyes. “Is it? Nick?”

“When I hit my back, I still had my finger on the trigger,” Nick whispered, his eyes unfocused, his voice distant. “My weapon discharged. And when I came to, I found Ty beside me, bleeding out from a bullet I’d put him in. Shrapnel in my thigh so I couldn’t get to him. It was my worst nightmare, come to life.”

Ty pulled Nick tighter, his jaw jumping as he looked around at each of them defiantly, like he was challenging them to blame Nick for those injuries. Kelly glanced up at the others, who were still leaning over the bar and watching. Zane had joined them, and his mouth was ajar as he listened.

“I almost killed my best friend because I didn’t pull the trigger,” Nick hissed. “And I’m the reason Ty . . . can never have kids. Because I shot him.”

Kelly stared at them both, huddled together, Ty glaring at anyone who dared to say a word and Nick simply drunk and shell-shocked, unseeing as he lost himself to the past.

“I shot him.”

Kelly crawled closer, reaching for Nick’s arm to squeeze it, trying to get Nick to come back to them. When Nick met his eyes, Kelly slid himself closer so he could sit next to Nick. He kept his hand on Nick’s arm.

It flashed through Kelly’s mind again, the bullet hitting, the kid falling out of sight, Nick with his gun against his cheek, his eyes hard and deadly. Kelly closed his eyes and licked his lips. He should have known. The only thing that could kill that light in Nick’s eyes was a ghost from his past, he should have known before he’d torn into him, before he called him a heartless bastard with no soul. Jesus.

“That was the first time you looked at me like that, like I was a monster,” Nick said. Sitting next to him now, sobered from the shock of the argument, it was easy to hear the slur to Nick’s words. The alcohol had hit him faster than it used to, and neither Kelly nor Nick had expected that. He made a mental note to keep an eye on that from now on, to remember that Nick’s tolerance was no longer superhuman. Nick would have to relearn his limits. So would Kelly. Kelly glanced carefully to his side. When Nick spoke again, Kelly wasn’t even sure he would have heard the words had he not been looking at Nick’s lips moving. “It wasn’t the last time. It won’t be the last.”

“I’m sorry,” Kelly managed. “Nick. You know that’s not how I see you. You know that.”

“You see a video of me and another guy,” Nick drawled, eyes still staring at nothing, “and it crosses your mind that I would hurt you like that. On purpose. That I could lie to you so easily without a gun to your head as a consequence.”

He rested his back against the refrigerator, letting his legs slide out in front of him, his body going limp as he lowered his head.

“Nick,” Kelly tried again.

“You tell me you think it’s your fault the team died,” Nick mumbled to Kelly. “And then tell me to change your mind. I can’t change the past.” Nick shook his head and lurched forward, struggling out of Ty’s grasp and getting to his hands and knees before he was able to push himself to stand. He wavered, shaking his head as he went to the end of the bar, where a broom and dustpan were propped against the wall.

Digger shoved away from the bar and went to him, trying to convince Nick to let them clean up the mess. Kelly got to his feet, but then he realized he was stuck there, staring at Nick, lost in a sea of emotions he couldn’t begin to navigate.

“I’ll take him to bed,” Ty whispered to him as he squeezed past Kelly. He patted his shoulder, nodding encouragingly. “You two can do this better when he’s sober tomorrow, right?”

Kelly didn’t respond as Ty moved away. He just watched as Ty took Nick’s arm and convinced him to let Digger have the broom, then pulled him toward the door. They were almost at the end of the bar when Nick stopped and turned around, and he locked eyes with Kelly as Kelly held his breath, waiting.

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