Page 63 of Part & Parcel

“Kels, what are you talking about?” Nick asked, and he sounded exhausted.

Kelly licked his lips and scooted closer, placing a gentle palm against Nick’s cheek. “What I said to you that night. It was fucking horrible, Nick. I told you that you were the closest thing to home I’d ever had. And then in the next breath, I told you it wasn’t good enough.”

Nick swallowed hard, blinking fast.

“I’m so sorry,” Kelly breathed.

Nick’s hand came to rest on Kelly’s hip, his fingers digging in. “You woke me up to apologize for something you said more than ten years ago?”

Kelly winced, feeling sort of stupid when it was laid out like that. “I guess, I . . .”

“Kels,” Nick hissed, bringing his hand up to cup Kelly’s face. He kissed Kelly before either of them could say more, and when he pulled back, he brushed his nose against Kelly’s. “Thank you.”

Kelly puffed out a breath in relief. “I was so stupid,” he said, pain lancing through him at the thought of what his careless words must have done to Nick. It must have broken his fucking heart to hear Kelly say he wasn’t good enough. “You were always my beacon in a storm. You were always the light calling me to safety, and I was so fucking stupid to say that wasn’t enough for me. To lose that.”

“You never lost it,” Nick broke in.

“Yes, I did. I did. Not only did I lose it, but I pushed it away. You never looked at me the same way after that night, you didn’t treat me the same way. And I didn’t deserve what you gave me either, because I hurt you so much more than I ever realized. I know now what I didn’t then, that even if I built it from the ground up, I still couldn’t make a home for myself without you in it. It was always you. I woke up and I couldn’t go another minute without saying I’m sorry after I realized what I’d done.”

Nick sighed, but he didn’t say anything as they stared at each other. The sun was rising, and apparently neither Nick nor Ty had bothered to close the curtains the night before, so the light was already warming the room, already touching Nick’s eyes with the most amazing green Kelly had ever been witness to.

“Nick,” Kelly whispered, and he tried to scoot even closer. Nick’s hand tightened on his hip, keeping him at bay. Kelly cleared his throat, thrown by the inability to touch Nick whenever he wanted. “You gave so much of yourself to all of us. So much. You were everything we needed. You . . . you were my beacon. When I was drifting and thought I’d drift all my life, you gave me a home. You were Ty’s rock, you kept him grounded and sane and good when he could have gone tailspinning off into Bond villain territory. You were Eli’s brother, you were Owen’s sounding board, and hell, I’m sure you provided Digger with matches and then put the fire out for him after.”

Nick snorted and closed his eyes.

Kelly was shocked to realize he was almost in tears. “You gave so much of yourself to each of us, and we never even realized it. And you never asked for anything in return. Did you?”

“I . . . don’t—”

“You know you didn’t,” Kelly said forcefully. “You cut yourself into teeny tiny pieces and just kept giving them away, but you never got them back because once you gave them up, we cherished them so much we kept them. And you never asked for replacements and you wound up—”

Kelly blinked away the tears blurring his vision. Nick used his thumb to wipe them away from Kelly’s cheeks.

“I’ve been so angry at you,” Kelly admitted. “I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t putting yourself first, why you couldn’t just be selfish, just once. But I get it now. If you had been selfish, none of us would be what we are now. You . . . Eli was right, you’re the linchpin, Nicko. And I’m so sorry I’ve been giving you a hard time for protecting us. I’m so sorry.”

“We both know that’s not the only reason you’ve been angry with me,” Nick said. “I deserved it.”

“You did. But I’m over that, and I’m still angry. And I just figured out why, and I needed to come in here and . . .”

Nick’s hand was gentle on Kelly’s cheek as Kelly trailed off, his fingers sliding into Kelly’s hair, his thumb at Kelly’s cheekbone. “I’m glad you came in here,” he finally said. “Thank you.”

Kelly nodded and sighed. He rested his hand against Nick’s chest, twirling the tips of his fingers through the soft hair there. “I know I made a new rule, but will you hold me anyway?” he finally asked, voice choked with laughter.

Nick snorted and rolled to his back, sliding his arm under Kelly’s head. “Come on.”

Kelly laid his head on Nick’s chest, wrapping around him and closing his eyes in relief. “Zane’s all built and stuff, but his cuddles aren’t the same,” he teased.

Nick squeezed him tighter, and he shoved his face in Kelly’s hair. From somewhere above their heads came a tiny, muffled meow.

Kelly lifted his head to see Jiminy and Cricket struggling over the mountain of pillows piled against the headboard, all fuzz and whiskers and blue eyes.

“Hi, babies,” Kelly whispered. Nick groaned as Kelly rested his head on his chest again, and the kittens joined him, curling up on Nick like he’d been sent to be their very own personal belly warmer.

Nick gave a harsh sigh as Jiminy burrowed under his chin. Kelly tried not to laugh, laying claim to his own space before it could be taken over. Cricket shoved her rear end against his face, vibrating his nose with her purrs.

Every time Sidewinder had come into possession of animals, whether they were rescuing a feral cat from a blizzard, dog-sitting a mutt for a friend, or dealing with Kelly’s very poor impulse control while volunteering at the humane society and adopting two kittens who had reached the end of their allotted time, the animals had always gravitated toward Nick. And Nick fucking hated it.

Kelly’s eyes began to grow heavy again as the purring lulled him back toward sleep. He fought against it, though, letting his thoughts wander back to that last road trip. As they’d traveled all over the country, each of them had found somewhere that spoke to them, called to them.

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