Page 60 of Part & Parcel

“Yeah. It felt right,” Kelly answered, his voice taking on that relaxed whisper Nick knew so well. “Felt like . . .”

“Home?” Nick provided, shocked when the word came out sounding sad.

Kelly turned his head, still smiling serenely. “Yeah. I never really had anywhere that felt like home, you know? Not since my mom and dad died. Closest thing I’ve ever had to that feeling is you, man.”

Nick blinked rapidly and fought to swallow. Kelly’s parents had died in a car crash when he was ten years old. He’d spent the next eight years of his life bouncing from his aging grandparents to foster homes to the Navy. Being with Sidewinder was the longest time he’d ever spent with one set of people. Nick stared at him as flakes landed on his shoulders, melted in his hair.

Kelly was laughing, his entire body shaking and his grin wide. “I mean, how fucking sad is that? Twenty-six years old and the closest thing I got to home is my best friend? It’s time I found somewhere permanent.”

He brought the blunt up to take a drag and then passed it to Nick. Nick took it with fingers that didn’t feel and eyes that didn’t see. He’d spent his entire life trying to be everything for the people he loved, trying to be what they needed. For a brief second just now, he thought he’d actually succeeded for Kelly. And he was trying not to linger on it, trying desperately not to let it bring him crashing down, but to hear Kelly say that wasn’t good enough . . . that he wasn’t good enough to be called home . . .

Nick took the hit and stared down at the town, watching the snowstorm rolling in over the hills.

“Nicko?”

Nick heard him, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the twinkling lights below. He didn’t want to. He hummed to let Kelly know he was listening.

“What do you think?” Kelly asked.

Nick licked his lips, closing his eyes. “I think we should head back before that snow gets worse.”

They were as silent as the falling snow on their trek back to the hotel. Nick could feel Kelly’s eyes on him, but he just couldn’t find the energy within himself any longer to fake it. Not for himself, not for Kelly, not for Ty. Not for any of them. He was tired, and now that they’d stripped the honor of being a Marine from him and taken everything he’d ever worked for, what was the fucking point of being strong for anyone? What was the point of trying to behomefor anyone? What was the point of pretending anything was okay?

The elevator ride up to their floor was awkward as hell, and Nick closed his eyes with a sigh. For the first time in his life, he could feel life crumbling and he couldn’t gather the pieces fast enough. He didn’t have the glue to put it all back together.

He murmured a good-night to Kelly when they got to his room, and Nick trudged to the next door, struggling with the key and then shouldering his way in. Kelly stood at his own door, probably watching Nick with that confused frown he could sometimes get when he was trying to figure out a puzzle. Nick didn’t look back at him, though. He closed the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath when he heard the other door close out in the hall.

“Irish?” Ty said from the darkness of the room.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“You okay?” Eli asked, accompanied by a rustle of sheets. “We were about to go looking for you.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. We wandered further away than we meant to,” Nick said as he stripped out of his clothes and headed for the shower. He stayed in there just long enough to get the weed smell off, long enough for the others to fall asleep, then he fumbled around in his suitcase in the dark, hunting for some clean briefs to sleep in.

“Rico,” Eli whispered from one of the beds.

Nick squinted through the darkness as he stepped into his briefs, almost tripping when he missed one of the leg holes. He struggled into them, pulling them up his hips.

“Come bunk with me, man,” Eli whispered, and Nick heard him pat the mattress beside him.

Nick edged his way across the floor, leading with the side of his foot because he knew damn well it was a minefield for toes down there. He found the end of the bed and crawled into it, finding Eli’s leg under the covers and following it up so he could settle in beside Eli without squishing him. He was still a little buzzed and floating, and usually he knew better than to grope his teammates when he got like that. Tonight it didn’t matter, though. They weren’t teammates anymore, and this was Eli so he could fucking grope him all he wanted.

They’d been rotating bedmates the entire trip. It was supposed to be Eli’s night to get the bed to himself, but Nick didn’t question him. He threw himself down next to him, facing him, and started struggling with the sheets. Eli helped him get settled, pulling the covers up around them.

“Doc’s leaving,” Nick murmured miserably.

“That little town we went through?” Eli asked.

Nick nodded.

“Damn. That was faster than I was expecting.”

Nick was silent. His eyes were adjusting to the dim light, and he could see Eli clearly.

“That why you’re upset?”

“Am I upset?” Nick countered. He wasn’t trying to be a smart-ass, he was just seeking answers from one of the only men he trusted to give them.

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