Page 58 of Part & Parcel

“Well no, berriesarea fruit if it says an avocado is both, right?” Owen said.

Digger waved his drink around. “Ho ho. You can be both and not the same at the same time!”

“What?” Ty asked.

“A paper can be a menu and also a pamphlet, but pamphlets can’t be menus,” Eli explained.

Nick closed his eyes and ran the poker chip over the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.Again.”

“Did you know this?” Ty asked him.

“Why do you think they list it on menus and stuff as fruitandberries?” Nick asked.

“I just . . . I just thought they were being insistent.”

“Oh Jesus!” Kelly cried. “Vegetables aren’t real, guys!”

“Are they figments of your imagination?” Owen asked between sips of his beer. “Like . . . leprechauns and gnomes.”

“Give me a leprechaun salad, hold the veggies,” Nick drawled, and he and Owen tried desperately to avoid eye contact so they could maintain their stern expressions.

“Stop it! This says it’s a culinary term, there’s no such thing as vegetables!” Kelly shook the paper in Eli’s face. “Why would you hand this to me?”

Eli laughed heartily.

“My mind!” Kelly cried.

Owen plucked the pamphlet from his fingers and frowned as he perused the page they’d been reading. “Although berries are fruits,” he read, “There are many fruits which are considered berries by most people that may not actually be classified as berries.”

“So wait, berriesarefruits then,” Ty said.

“But berries aren’t berries,” Nick added.

“Some berries are fruits but not all fruits are berries,” Digger tried. “This is some philosophical shit, dog. What else does it say?”

“Oranges are berries,” Owen announced.

“No,” Kelly snarled. He slammed his hand on the table. “No!”

Owen was fighting a smile as he continued scanning the information. “There are also false berries.”

“Fucking posers,” Digger muttered.

Ty finally sat up and leaned against the table. “What the hell is a false berry?”

“Bananas. Cucumbers. Oh, and cranberries and blueberries aren’t berries either.”

“An orange is a berry but a blueberry isn’t?” Eli asked.

Nick swallowed a large gulp of Guinness. “I thought cucumbers were vegetables.”

“Vegetables don’t exist,” Owen drawled.

“That’s some fucked-up menu,” Digger said.

“It’s not a menu, it’s a pamphlet!” Eli shouted.

“That’s a fucked-up pamphlet,” Digger said with a sip of his drink.

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