Page 9 of Part & Parcel

Nick just shook his head.

“How long have you been—”

“Why was he ready?” Nick asked again, and he realized his fingers were digging into Kelly’s skin.

Kelly brought his other hand up, cupping Nick’s face. He knew Nick was always grounded by touch, and two hands on his face was the best way to calm him. “Babe. Jesus, how long have you been lingering on this? Why haven’t you said anything?”

Nick shook his head, his eyes going unfocused.

“What brought this on? What am I missing?”

Nick cleared his throat once, then did it again. He nodded his head toward the big manila envelope on the table. “That.”

Kelly glanced over his shoulder again, the edges of confusion lining his face. He grabbed the envelope from the table. “What is this?”

“I found it in Eli’s stuff. Right on top, waiting for me.”

Kelly was scowling when he turned the envelope over, resting more weight on Nick’s thighs. Nick’s knee was killing him, but he wasn’t about to ask Kelly to move.

“What’s in it?” Kelly asked.

“Letters. A bunch of sealed letters, all numbered like we’re supposed to open them in order. Fucking Sanchez,” Nick gritted out, his voice wavering. He’d only made it through the first page of the letter he’d found in the outer envelope with his name on it. “The fucker knew she’d give me that shit. He left me a letter in there, taped to that package.”

Kelly’s brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed as he grabbed the package and turned it over to see the envelope taped to the front. He pulled the letter out of it and unfolded it. Nick watched him with extreme trepidation. He’d found himself tearing up as he’d read it, which was why he hadn’t finished it. He wasn’t typically a crier. He’d been stone-faced at Sanchez’s funeral, the shoulder the rest of them had broken down and cried on. But halfway into that handwritten letter he’d been using his blanket cocoon to wipe his face, so he’d stopped and put the letter back, waiting until he had a little more support to read it.

But even having Kelly here with him didn’t make it better. Kelly read the first page as Nick studiously stared at anythingbuthim.

Sure enough, a few seconds in and Kelly’s eyes were glistening. When he lowered the page, he laughed shakily. “He was a piece of work,” he said, a hitch in his voice. He wiped at his eyes, like he was trying to make sure they were still dry. “That’s a dirty trick to play on his buddies. What’s the rest of it say?”

“I don’t know, I couldn’t get past the first page.” Nick gave a helpless shrug. “I could hear his voice in my head when I read it.”

Kelly stared at him long enough that Nick started to fight the urge to fidget.

“I miss him too,” Kelly finally said.

“I should have done it years ago. I should have patched theFiddleryears ago.”

“She still floats,” Kelly whispered.

Nick didn’t hear him, though. “I should have . . . there’s so much I should have done so much earlier.” Nick had to swallow as he gazed into Kelly’s eyes. “I should have told you I loved you so many more times than I have.”

They sat that way for what seemed like forever, with Kelly’s eyes reflecting as much turmoil as a New England squall, with Nick’s stomach tumbling and his breath getting harder and harder to catch. Nick finally had to lower his head, not wanting to meet Kelly’s piercing gaze any longer.

“Irish,” Kelly whispered. “He wouldn’t have wanted you to hurt. He had his mother give you these things because this was what he loved enough to drag around with him everywhere he went. And he wanted you to have the things he loved. These should be happy things, not . . . penance. Why are you even doing this right now?”

“I don’t know, I just . . . I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this alone,” Kelly said as he folded the letter up. “I’ll help you. If you’ll let me. But not now.”

“Why not now?”

“You’re not recovered enough for Eli’s shenanigans. Doctor’s orders.”

“Right,” Nick said, turning his head to try to hide his bitterness. “Doctor’s orders.”

“Hey,” Kelly grunted, tapping Nick’s chest. “Once I’m convinced you’re able, we’ll pull them back out, okay?”

Nick nodded, forcing himself to meet Kelly’s eyes again. They stared at each other, the silence falling heavy between them.

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