Page 14 of Shadow Dance

“Maeve?”

“Hey,” I whisper, my face prickling with heat.

“What’s up?” He looks past me, at our house across the pool. “You okay?”

“Sorry to bother you … I know it’s late.” I pause, folding my arms, embarrassed at what I’m about to ask.How pathetic. “Do you have anything I can smoke?”

Nodding, he gestures for me to come in. I do, pausing awkwardly in the entryway as he shuts the door.

“You trying to come down?” Jaime asks, adding his gun to the detritus on a little table.

Relief washes over me like warm water, soothing the tension and the ache. “Yeah,” I croak, trying not to cry. My emotions are shot. Any dopamine that was in my body at the beginning of this week has been depleted, leaving me hollow. “I’m done with it. I don’t … I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Good,” he murmurs. Unlike us, Jaime won’t touch the hard stuff. He drinks and smokes weed, but that’s where it ends. I think it’s one of the main reasons Callum trusts him, both around me and around his stuff. It certainly makesmetrust him more.

I follow Jaime to the living area, my gaze drawn to the large windows. Amidst the soft black of night, the sky glows orange with both Oakland and San Francisco’s city lights. The Bay Bridge twinkles between them, a touchable constellation.

“Have a seat. I’ll be right back.”

I drop onto the couch, looking around at the sparse furnishings of the guest house. I’ve only ever been here once or twice before. A door somewhere closes and then he’s back, wearing a hoodie and sparking a joint, which he hits deeply before relinquishing.

“Thanks,” I whisper, closing my eyes as I inhale.

There isn’t much to say, so we don’t speak while we share. When theliving room gets too hazy, Jaime cracks open his sliding glass doors, exchanging the smoke for a brisk chill. Times like now I miss Boston’s warm summer nights.

I miss a lot of things. I miss my family and my best friend, and holidays with people I actually like. I missed Mom’s last birthday, and I’m missing the party she’s throwing for Tristan and Evie’s first anniversary right now.

“Callum know you’re here?”

“Of course.” I glance over at him in the dimness, my heart skipping a beat when I find his eyes on me. “Why?”

“Just asking. I wouldn’t want to wake up to find my girl gone.” Coughing, he grabs a bottle of water from the coffee table.

I laugh quietly. “He doesn't care.”

“Oh, he cares.”

“Not in the right way.”

“There’s a right way to care?” He knows I’m right, but he wants me to expound. I know Jaime sees things. He’s sharper than the others, more discerning. I used to hate that, because it felt like he saw past my bullshit, too.

Now it’s a relief to know that he sees me.

“There’s caring for the other person and there’s caring about yourself. He cares about me in relation to him. Not about me for me.” My heart lurches. This is the most I’ve said about the state of my relationship in quite some time. Half the time I don’t even bother to acknowledge this stuff to myself, not even in the privacy of my own brain. It hurts too much. “Sometimes I wish he’d just leave me alone. For good.”

Jaime sits forward, outing the joint on an old plate. “Might wanna be careful what you wish for.”

There is nothing to say to that, so I leave Jaime's words hanging like smoke. After a moment he stands up, stretching. “Feeling better?”

“A bit.” I nod. “Thanks.”

“I’ll walk you back."

“No.” I jump to my feet, waving him away. “Stay. Go back to sleep.”

Ignoring me, he walks past me to the front door and opens it. “After you.”

Chapter 5

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