Page 37 of Shadow Dance

I could say the same thing about him. I’ve never seen him act this irrationally, especially not toward me. He seems almost paranoid. Unsettled, I stand up. “You do know me.”

“Do I?”

“I won’t go. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

I start to walk away, but he grabs my arm and wrenches me back around. Gasping, I look up at him as he stares down at me with unblinking eyes. My heart is galloping but I hold his gaze, not wanting to give him any ideas. He needs to think he can trust me, that I’ll stay, that I’m as devoted as I’ve ever been. Until something changes, until I have a plan, it’s all I can do.

Suddenly he sniffs, his face softening as he lets go of me. “I don’t think you understand how much I love you, Maeve. You’re fuckingeverything to me, like … I can’t do this without you. Remember the Halloween we were Bonnie and Clyde?”

Talk about mood swings.I force a smile, nodding. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Remember when we drove for hours to find that drive-in that was showingScarfacethat one time? I always thought you were kinda like my very own Michelle Pfeiffer, but better. And you let me fuck you in the car afterward, right there in the parking lot …”

He rambles on and on, reminiscing, while I smile and nod from beside the bed, my mind racing.Keep him calm. Be agreeable, non-threatening. Make him feel safe.Because as disconnected as I feel from the distant, dismissive Callum that I live with, I’m way more wary of this version. He seems out of control right now, clingy and hyper-emotional.

When he pauses, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes, I take a chance. “It’s been a crazy day, and I think we just need to chill out for a while. Maybe I can run you a bath or something.”

He nods, eyes shining. They’re so dark they look completely black. “That would be great. I love you, baby.”

Tears fill my eyes. I walk into the bathroom before he can see them, turning on the light. “I know you do.”

It’s become exceedinglyclear that I can’t ever talk about leaving, never ever. Not permanently, not casually, not maybe, not even for a weekend trip to see family.

Callum knows he’s losing me. He’s all over me, all the time, tightening his grip by spending nearly every moment at my side. One day, he takes me to ballet class and then out for lunch afterward. Another time, he watches while I get my nails done before taking me shopping. We come home with matching Golden State Warriors hoodies, beer, and a couple of pizzas. All smiles and good vibes. It’s just like it’s always been with us, only it’s a sham.

He’s only doing this because smoothing things over with gifts and dates is what’s always worked in the past. I’m doing it because I need him to feel secure in our relationship so that he backs off. It’s ironic,because for months all I wanted was his time and attention. And now that I have it, I just want him to leave me alone so I can have my freedom. His motives aren’t rooted in love; they’re rooted in control and pretending like I’m happy with him is exhausting.

The sooner he goes back to plotting and planning world domination with his friends, the sooner I can extricate myself from this situation and go home. Although I’m realizing more and more that leaving isn’t going to be as simple as I thought it was. Callum’s behavior is unpredictable these days. I never know when something I say or do will set him off, so I’m trying to be as quiet and undemanding as possible. I can’t risk setting him off again. The fading bruises he left on my arm reassure me of that.

And then there’s Jaime. I still don’t know if I can trust him or not. Sometimes it seems like we’re on the same side, like he really cares about me. It’s in the way he asks questions and listens to my answers, how he carries my bags and opens my doors. I know the difference between his real smiles and the fake ones, and when he gives me a real one, I feel like I’ve won.

But I’ve barely seen him since the day we went to the Golden Gate Bridge, let alone spoken to him. Now that Callum’s all over me, Jaime’s either in the guest house or hanging out with the guys. I’d think he didn’t care at all, only sometimes I catch him watching me.

It’s hard to know what to think when he looks at me like that because I like him, too. I like his big, brown eyes and rich, bronze skin. I like his sleek, black hair and his husky voice, his faint Brooklyn accent and that scar that looks like a dimple when he smiles for real. I like the way my stomach swoops when our eyes meet.

He makes me feel seen, safe, and protected. He listens without judgment. I find myself wishing I could just go for a ride with him, listening to music. Somewhere, anytime, anywhere.

I get my wish when Uncle Dario sends the guys to San Diego on an errand.

Callum pulls me aside right before leaving, caressing the side of my face. “I gotta go, but I’ll be back soon.”

I nod, giving him a small smile. “Be safe.”

“Always.” He kisses me, his caress turning into a gentle grip on my chin. “Don’t do anything dumb, okay? Jaime’s keeping an eye on you.”

It’s like a brick just settled in my stomach. This whole time, Callum has played it off like Jaime is here for my safety. But in reality, he’s here for Callum’s benefit. To make sure I stay put. I don’t know which betrayal feels worse; my boyfriend’s or my bodyguard’s.

Maybe it’s my own. I should have left before this got so sticky, and in ignoring my instincts, I betrayed myself.

“Okay,” I whisper, letting him press another kiss to my lips before he heads out the front door.

When Callum comes back a day and a half later, it’s like the past week never happened. The house parties and random visitors start back up, and when he’s not getting shitfaced here at home he’s out with his boys. All in the name of business, of course, but it’s hard to take him seriously when he comes home late reeking of liquor, blunts, cigarettes, and other women’s perfume.

It’s gross, but at least he’s leaving me alone.

We’reminutes from my dance class when Jaime turns down the music and clears his throat. “You mad about something?”

I look up from my phone, where I’ve been texting my old friend Delphine. She just got engaged and is thinking of doing a bachelorette party in Santorini. “Why would I be mad?”

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