How in thefuckcan I be a good father?
one
Astrid
About Three Years Prior
Inevergetsickof these moments.
That certain buzz when you sense you’re gonna close a fifty-million-dollar home sale.
The anticipation of millions in commission is within reach.
It’s a feeling that never loses its appeal.
Glancing through the marketing materials of my listing, a spectacular Hunts Point estate, I marvel at what an architectural masterpiece this place is. Clean lines, expansive glass windows, perched on the edge of Lake Washington with a view that sells itself.
But, I know even the most stunning properties need the right touch. A perfect story to bring them to life. To make the house irresistible. Plus, a little diversion on the way.
That’s where I come in.
My clients will be here any moment so I take a sec to reapply my lipstick and check my outfit—a vintage ivory wool tweed Chanel suit, tailored to perfection, paired with nude Louboutins. I put a lot of thought into the clothes I wear for showings. Expensive but not flashy. My style is carefully cultivated to make high-net- worth people take me seriously without being intimidating.
The telltale sound of the front door chimes means it’s showtime. Through the floor-length glass panel of my office, I see Connor McGloughlin and his wife, Ronni enter the lobby. They’re every bit the power couple—Connor, with his long, curly hair and rockstar swagger. Superstar actress, Ronni, with her effortless Hollywood glam.
Even though I cater to wealthy clients, it still gives me a little thrill to work with famous entertainers like them. I’m not intimidated, especially not today. It just so happens Connor and I have a shared connection.
“Connor, Ronni, so nice to see you again.” I offer a warm smile as I greet them. “Let’s get going, we have five perfect locations to tick all your boxes. Security. Seclusion. Serenity.”
“Yeah, we’re keeping it simple, we need privacy and peace.” Ronni clutches Connor’s hand.
I guide them to my pride and joy, the black Bentley Bentayga EWB SUV I treated myself to earlier this year when I hit the five-million-dollar commission mark. When I sell the McGloughlins the house I have in mind, I’ll be on track to have my best year yet.
Truthfully, I should patent the process I’ve developed to show homes. First, I start with what I call my “diversion” showings— stunning properties with a few subtle flaws. A breathtaking view but the layout feels cramped. A sprawling private estate with a dated master suite. Stuff like that.
Many realtors do it this way intentionally, but I meticulously plan the specific order of showings. Deliberately build up client expectations just enough. Then, when I finally show them the house I truly have in mind, it’s like a revelation.
“It’s perfect,” or “Astrid, how did you know it’s exactly what we wanted?”
All I hear is: Cha-Ching.
It takes nearly two hours to tour the decoy homes. When I’m spending a large chunk of time with clients, years of practice has taught me how to engage. I painstakingly research everyone’s background from news articles to social media posts. This way, my banter is never too personal or controversial. Rather than yammer on about their wealth or fame, my goal is to make them feel comfortable.
Reading body language is another super power. It always has been. I can generally tell how someone feels by watching them.
It’s helped me adapt my own interactions. Instinctively I know when to lean in with interest and when to pull back or even disappear. Don’t ever rush and don’t overstay your welcome. Chitchat is fine but don’t make it about you. It’s almost like a game. Watching people’s eyes light up as they let their guard down like I’m a trusted friend.
Anyway, the day is going as planned. The four diversionary houses have been viewed and rejected. We’re now on our way to the property I’m sure will be Connor and Ronni’s new home.
“Hunts Point is a tiny municipality, and extraordinarily private. It’s like living in an urban forest, yet every house has waterfront access to Lake Washington.” I turn down the two-lane winding road into the quaint neighborhood, passing mansion after mansion. “It’s arguably the most exclusive location in the Pacific Northwest. After we see the house, I’ll drive you through the commercial area. Lots of cafes and little shops. You’re also near a beautiful nature preserve. Many local celebrities call it home.”
Ronni’s face is practically pressed to the window. “What are the schools here like?”
“The best in the state. Whether you want your kids to go to public or private, one of my services is to help jump you to the top of the waiting list. If this place suits you, I’ll send some materials for the two of you to look over later tonight.” I turn down the long, paved driveway.
Connor looks up at the thirty-foot-high trees surrounding us. I hear him whisper to Ronni, “This neighborhood isclass.”
Yep. It is.