Page 51 of Daring Destiny

Astrid watches me carefully, searching my face like she’s waiting for the real answer. I get it—she’s been here before. In her past, she’s been with powerful men who took and took from her. Made promises they didn’t keep.

But I’mnotthose guys, I’m gonna marry this woman. Have a family with her.

Just as soon as I can get out from under my shit.

“What can I do?” I squeeze her hands. “Tell me, A. I don’t have your insight. I’m crap at reading the situation sometimes. You’re my everything. What do you need from me?”

She hesitates for a second before meeting my eyes again. “I want us to be in a committed relationship and build our lives together. Not go along with whatever happens. I hate letting other people dictate our moods. When I was in California, you were busy but you made time for me. Every day. If you can’t for a day or two—even a week, I get it. But I see the writing on the wall for the foreseeable future, B. I don’t like it.”

I take her words in and think about how we fell into a glorious rhythm of waking up together, eating breakfast, working side by side. Taking time each day just for us. It felt right, easy, like we were building something real. Fun. Loving. And I want us to have the same experience here. I want it every day.

“I promise I’ll do better.” I try to keep my voice steady because I feel like I’m going to cry. “I want a future with you. Marriage, kids, all of it. You’re not an afterthought—you’reeverythingto me.”

Her eyes soften. “I believe you want these things.”

“I love you.” I squeeze her tightly. “Don’t ever doubt it.”

“I love you too,” she says softly.

Holding her close like this is everything. Still, I’m trying to tamp down my panic at her leaving me. I’ve never wanted anything more than Astrid. At the same time, I’m between a rock and a hard place. I can’t abandon my company.

She isn’t asking me to, of course. All she needs is for me to prioritize a little time for her, no matter what. From now on, I’ll schedule time on my calendar so I don’t get too focused and forget. My tendency to put blinders on to the world around me is a problem I can’t seem to overcome. Maybe this is a way I can fix my own shortcomings.

“A.” I tip her face up to mine. “Know one thing. Youaremy girlfriend. I want you to be part of my life and part of my family. I want to be part of yours.”

She bites her lip, still looking uncertain. “Your family’s been through so much lately. Maybe they need time to process everything with Cillian. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding. They know you. They like you. And trust me, my mom’s going to be thrilled to see you. Plus, Connor and Ronni will be there—they’re excited to catch up,” I reassure.

I can still see the hesitation, but she’s considering. “As long as I’m not in the way.”

“Of course you’re not in the way.” I shake my head vigorously. “You’re the one person I want by my side. You makeeverythingbetter.”

She looks at me for a long moment. Finally, she nods, letting out a soft sigh. “Okay. I’ll go.”

Relief floods through me.

I realize, though, it’s time to tell her my situation. Why I am the way I am. Why I struggle with some things that seem easy for everyone else.

Not now, when it will seem like an excuse. Because it’s not.

Then again, Astrid knows me better than anyone ever has. She’s already seen so much of me—my messy life, my family—and she accepts me for who I am.Lovesme, even.

She. Loves. Me.

But, there’s still the one thing she doesn’t know about me yet.

I hope she doesn’t hate me for keeping it from her.

Have I waited too long?

twenty-one

Astrid

Later That Day

OnthedrivetoBrennan’s parents’ place, I replay our conversation from earlier.

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