Page 30 of Daring Destiny

It’s a lot to process.

“I’ve wanted you for so long. I don’t think you have any idea.” Brennan breaks the silence. The vulnerability in his words makes my heart swell.

I lift my head to look at him, surprised by the way his eyes seem to reflect every truth we’ve danced around for the past year. “I wasn’t sure,” I admit. My fingers trace small, absent patterns on his chest. “I really thought you wanted to stay friends. Well, and business partners.”

“Ah.” He laughs softly, although he clearly doesn’t believe me. “I do want to stay friends. I’ve also wanted to see you naked since high school. I didn’t think I hid it very well.” He pauses, his eyes searching mine. “Truthfully, I wasn’t sure how to make a move. Back then, you didn’t see me, let alone see me as an option. I’m not very smooth with the ladies as I’m sure you’ve gleaned.”

The admission catches me off guard, and I feel a pang of guilt. He’s not wrong. Other than the fleeting memories of him in a general sense, I didn’t pay attention to him, let alone consider him as a potential boyfriend. I was too wrapped up in trying to be someone I wasn’t.

“I didn’t and it’s my loss.” I run my thumb along his lips. “I spent my energy pretending to be perfect when I was far from it. Hanging out with people who I thought were aspirational. I’m not so naïve these days.”

He holds my gaze, the silence between us thick with memories. “You’re not pretending with me now?”

“Of course not. I’m not that girl.” I shift in his arms, loving the warmth of his body pressed against mine. Also, not loving he had to ask if this was make-believe after my epic blowjob—actions speak louder than words, after all.

He nods slightly. “I never thought you werethatgirl. You had substanceandbeauty.”

Something in his expression makes me pause. Brennan is special. Insightful. There’s no way I’m going to play with his heart. It’s time. There’s no point in delaying it one second longer. “When I reached out to you, do you remember I mentioned I have something of yours?”

“Yeah.” Curiosity flickers behind Brennan’s eyes. “I’ve wondered if and when you’d get around to telling me what it is.” He winks. “Or, if it was a ploy to have sex with me.”

“My God, ofcourseit was the sex. Why’d you hold out so long?” I flick his nipple and sit up. “It’s nothing crazy,” I tease, sliding out of bed and opening up a dresser drawer. “But I think you’ll appreciate having it back.”

Brennan watches me curiously as I rummage through my things. My heart beats a little faster when I locate the small, worn notebook. The cover is battered, the edges are frayed, but it’s still intact. I return to bed and climb in and hand it to him, watching as his eyes widen. His fingers trace the worn cover.

“No way.” He sucks a breath in as he turns it over in his hands. “I thought I’d lost this years ago.”

“You did.” I nestle against him. “Jake took it from your desk in class. He thought it would be funny to embarrass you, maybe read something out loud. I couldn’t let him be so cruel to a guy who never did anything to deserve it.”

Brennan’s jaw clenches and he looks a bit strange, but his focus remains on the notebook. Like he doesn’t want to look me in the eye. “You kept it? Did you read it?”

“I did.” I feel a bit exposed. “I mean, I kept it. No. I’ve never looked inside. Or read it. Part of me figured there was something private in it. Something important you might not want to share.”

He opens the notebook, flipping to the first page, and I see his expression soften. He shows it to me. It’s like a journal entry. Personal and, in fact, private. His teenage handwriting fills the page, and for a moment, we both sit in the quiet, letting the weight of the past settle between us as we read the words.

I don’t think anyone sees Astrid the way I do. She walks around with this perfect smile, always laughing with everyone, but when no one’s paying attention, she pulls away. She sits by the window at lunch sometimes, staring out like she wishes she were somewhere else. Everyone thinks she’s got it all together, but I can tell she’s pretending. It’s like she’s hiding something, maybe from herself, too.

Somehow I don’t think she’s truly the version of herself everyone else sees. She’s too smart. Too kind. She’s not only beautiful, she’s thoughtful. She notices things, reads between the lines, even if no one realizes it. I wish I had the guts to tell her. But someone like her? She’d never look twice at me.

“You wrote about me.” I’m blown away. I watch his eyes scan the words again. “You noticed things about me no one else did. Things I didn’t even notice about myself, but you were accurate.”

Brennan closes the notebook, looking a bit sheepish. “Well, I wrote what I saw. You’re so perfect on the outside. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, but your looks aren’t why I had a crush on you. It’s your heart. The depth to your character you were afraid to show anyone. Unfortunately, I wasn’t blessed with the Irish charm my brothers have. I didn’t have any confidence to talk to you.”

“I can’t believe it.” I swallow hard to keep from crying. He’s touched me to the core. “You saw the real me. The girl I was hiding from everyone else. And I never realized.”

He gulps. “Confession time. I watched you a lot. Followed you, even. Not in a weird, stalkery way. Cillian found this notebook and told me I needed to stop. He was worried I’d scare you.”

“You followed me? Where?” I guess I should feel a little strange, but somehow his revelation is endearing.

He squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “I know where your parents live. That you slipped through the fence to catch the bus. You worked at a grocery store and thrifted all your clothes.” He opens his eyes to catch me staring at him, mouth agape. “Look, really. I was harmless. When I get focused on something, it’s hard for me to, um, snap out of it. Kill—that’s what we call Cillian--caught on and set me straight. I’d never want you to feel afraid of me.”

“I don’t, B.” I stroke his chin. “I never knew. I think it’s sweet.”

We sit there in the stillness, the notebook resting between us, and I realize how much we’ve both changed. Brennan isn’t the strange boy from high school anymore, and I’m not the girl pretending to have it all together. We’re here now on the brink of something monumental. After all these years. Seeing each other fully for who we are at our core.

He gathers me back into his arms and I feel like I’m where I belong. Whatever happens next, we’re not the same people we were before.

Brennan’s words from earlier come back to me, “Let yourself be loved.”

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