Page 38 of Trouble

My heart gave an achy spasm in my chest at the memory of last night. When he’d been standing there in my doorway, I hadn’t been able to stop myself from hoping… Even though I’d known I should kick him out, that same stupid part of me that’d fallen for him in the first place had panged with wildhope.

Careful to not disturb the sleeping man, I eased out of his loose grip and sat up to flick the bedside lamp on and turn my upcoming alarmoff.

I was so goddamnstupid.

I’d let him into my bed again. And yes, he’d apologized and promised, but he’d done that once before. And then he’d broken myheart.

And here I was again, exactly like on of those young, naive girls I’d told him over and over again I wasn’t, allowing myself to fall for the same promises oncemore.

I glanced to my side and pressed a hand to my chest at my heart’s painful throbbing at the sight ofhim.

He looked so peaceful in his sleep, so innocent. His ginger hair was a fiery mess on my pillow, his pronounced muscles relaxed. The ebb and flow of his slow breaths raised his wide, tattooed chest up and down in an inviting rhythm, and I fought the yearning to climb back underneath the covers and press my ear against his ribs to listen to hisheartbeat.

I’d had my share of teenage love and broken hearts, but nothing… nothing had ever felt like this. Being with Liam was like finally being whole… and at the same time, so completely broken I didn’t know how I’d ever be able to piece myself back together if he left meagain.

When,I told myself, forcing the thought to seep through my mind and take hold of my heart with its chilly grip of despair. There was no point in pretending like everything was going to work out when I knew deep down that there was no way it could. He might want to, but he was too young, too free-spirited to give me what Ineeded.

And what was that, anyway? Vows of forever, a small house outside of London, and two-point-four kids? Weekends at the golfclub?

As charming as Liam had been with my family, I knew that wasn’t him—and it never would be. So why was I even doing this? Why was I staring at his sleeping face and wishing with everything I was that I could see us ending up together in the longrun?

Because you let yourself fall in love, youfool.

The feeling of despair made me push off the bed with an aggravated huff—only to stumble the second my feet hit the floor and I tried to make my legs take myweight.

Damn, thathurt.

Dull, throbbing pain echoed through my core and radiated through my limbs. It took me several deep breaths while I rested against my night stand to be able to push myself upright withoutwincing.

I knew he’d been rough last night, but I apparently hadn’t realizedhowrough. Not that I’d minded one bit while it was happening. I’d wanted it hard—I’d wanted to scream all my anger and hurt out underneath him until my orgasms finally quelled the sense ofbetrayal.

I hadn’t foreseen having to limp around like a novice rider the nextday.

Eileen was going to have a fieldday.

I managed to get myself ready for work and dressed without waking up Liam, and I was thankful for it. I didn’t have the strength to face him right now. It was better likethis.

I left him a note on my pillow, telling him to make sure the door was latched when he left, and then I quietly shut myself out of myapartment.

Hopefully whenever I next saw him again, I wouldn’t break into tears and beg him to love me the way I’d been so close to doing lastnight.

19

Louis

I’d never letmyself out of a bird’s flat without her still being soundly asleep and clueless to the fact that she’d wake up alone. Or with Liam, instead ofme.

But then again, everything with Audrey seemed to be afirst.

I’d certainly never spent post-sex bliss comforting a crying girl before, that was for damn sure. Nor had I ever felt like such an absolute fucking prick as I had while she’d sobbed in my arms. She loved Liam, that much was painfully obvious. Not in the puppy-dog way many of the girls we bedded crushed on us,either.

No, she full-on fuckinglovedhim, and I’d made Liam’s dismissal of her so much worse with my little stunt. I might not have known why my stupid twin had gotten in so deep with with this girl, but I cursed him for it all the way home from Audrey’s. Did he love her, too? Was that why he was being such a moody arsehole aboutit?

A sickening fear mixed with my general sensation of self-loathing. If… if he hadn’t been forced to cut ties with her because of this thing with our dad, would she have been it for him? Was she the woman he was supposed tomarry?

The woman he was supposed to leave mefor?

I’d always known the day would come, even if I’d done my best to deny it. As I’d seen first Blaine and then Marcus lose themselves to the women they fell in love with, I’d known the time was drawing near when Liam would find his other half. The one that would replaceme.

---