Page 78 of Lessons with the Mothman

"Not yet," he said softly.

My breath caught, and a warm well of tears rose in my eyes, an unfamiliar, wide smile stretching over my face. Elias's own features eased, and our hands found one another as our knees nuzzled closer, fingers tangling.

"Are you in love with me, Victoria?" he asked, velvety and knowing.

I grinned and blinked back the tears. "Not yet," I said.

Not yet…but maybe Icouldbe. Notyet.

He leaned in, and I closed my eyes in readiness for the kiss, a watery laugh escaping as it landed on my forehead first, then a sigh as it grazed down the bridge of my nose, and a sharp inhale as it nipped at the tip of my upper lip. And then we were quiet, breathing against one another, not hungry but curious, always curious for one another, learning what it meant to benot yetin love as we kissed.

How exactly did we fit together? It wasn't a perfect fold. Elias's mouth was wider, enveloping my small smile one nibble and caress at a time. I nudged my nose against his cheek, trying to press closer, and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, but it was a gentle, tempering embrace, our hands still clasped between us.

And I wasn't the only one owed an explanation.

It was easy to draw apart. I rested my head against Elias's arm, and his own forehead lowered to rest against my hair.

"I spent so long being my mother's daughter and Brett's girlfriend, the version of myself thattheyexpected, that I…I'm still learningwhoI am," I whispered. Elias didn't so much as twitch, just listened. "My independence is precious to me."

"I overstepped," he said.

"A little. Alotwhen you introduced yourself to my family," I said, straightening. We leaned back enough for me to stare up at him, but our hands still held fast around one another. "But I shouldn't have said that you were nothing but a fuck. That wasn't true, and I knew it."

Elias relaxed slightly, just enough for me to know those wordshadinjured him.

"I don't know what to call us, but I know it isn't just sex. But the more you forced me to acknowledge that, the more I tried to shut you out. And I know it isn't exactly fair, but?—"

"Victoria," Elias sighed.

I shook my head. "I'm not trying to shut you out now. It's just that I'm not sure what Idowant from you. It's more than what I thought I wanted, but I'm worried it might be less than what you expect."

"Victoria, Iwasforcing things."

"Yes, but, I mean, only what was already there."

Elias winced, and the ramble I'd been working up to died away. He met my gaze and offered me a crooked smile.

"It was very inconvenient to be constantly trying to appear with baked goods and coffees. I don't bake. I have a business to run, investments to manage. I was trying to be the kind of lover that my friends are to their partners. But it was annoying…even to me."

I blinked at that.

"I'm finding emotions very time consuming," Elias admitted with a heavy sigh, sagging back against the wall. "I would be glad to come to the university if you needed me to, or to any event with your family, when you're ready. But to be honest, keeping up with your schedule on top of mine was not ideal."

I tried to hide my laughter, but it rose up out of me in fits and starts, a snort through the nose and then a sudden bubble from my throat.

"I like your independence," Elias said, watching me, his own smile warming. "I appreciate knowing that you let me in when you trusted me, and not before. I shouldn't have jeopardized that."

Our hands squeezed at the same moment, and then he added with a little quirk to the corner of his mouth, "I also occasionally enjoy scheduling sex in advance."

I gasped and then laughed more in earnest. "So do I, actually. The anticipation is like its own foreplay."

"I was an idiot to try and model our connection based on one where the parties mate. It's a wholly irrational phenomenon," Elias muttered.

I wasn't so sure that love was always that rational on its own, but I was also glad Eliasdidn'tmate. It would've sent me running to the hills if he'd told me that he and I were destined for each other in some permanent fashion. It would've felt too much like my mother and Brett, pushing me into that boxed up version of Victoria I'd lived in for so long.

"I don't want this to end, Elias."

Elias hummed and leaned into my side. "Neither do I."

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