Page 75 of Lessons with the Mothman

"Do you like her?" Rafe asked.

"Yes," I said, the word rising up without a thought, tearing out of me. "She's fascinating and brilliant, and the more I know about her, the more I feel I know about myself, like a mirror I'd never bothered to look into before, except the reflection isn't really a reflection at all, somehow. It's an entirely new person who I understand and yet don't know at all."

Khell hummed and set a second drink in front of me. This one was entirely clear, an absolute mystery that I would only solve by tasting. I drew it closer and studied the surface, my own face glaring back, a phantasmal version of me on the surface.

"I don't know how she feels about me," I said slowly.

They all sighed heavily.

"That's the worst part," Theo said, nodding.

"There's only one way to find out," Rafe said. "And trust me, it isn't by assuming you know. And it's not going to be by trying to replicatemyrelationship, or Khell's, or anybody else's. Do you think you and I are the same person?"

"Absolutely not," I snapped.

Rafe grinned, not taking it hard. Which was part of why I liked Rafe, and Khell and Theo, for that matter. I wasn't the…easiest person to get along with, prickly and proud. I'd heard the phrase "too smart for your own good" plenty from my mother. I'd always been too interested in the rest of the realms and this world for other fae to understand me. But these men dealt with me, not with a begrudging acceptance but a kind of fondamusement. I wouldn'ttellthem outright what that meant, to be not merely tolerated but enjoyed.

"Victoria doesn't sound like Sunny," Khell said.

I snorted, not dignifying the statement with an answer but letting their point sink in. Except it sank in with uncomfortable pressure, directly at my chest.

"I like her a great deal," I said, my voice quiet. "I wanted to settle us. To be official." I winced at the juvenile term, but it was true. After my mating season had passed, after I'd had Victoria soft and satisfied and happy in my arms, I wanted to keep her that way. I wanted it to beknownthat I had done so.

"I tried to force that," I admitted.

"You all need to try havingconversations," Theo said.

"You do like to be in control," Rafe said slowly.

I glared at him. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," they chorused.

"You choose our drinks for us," Khell pointed out.

"You booked Hannah's band because you wanted to make me face my feelings for her outside of MSA's environment," Rafe said.

I scoffed. "No, I didn't. I was just curious about her."

"Oh. Well."

"Their point is that you can't control another person or their feelings," Theo said. "If you want to fall in love, you just have to hope for the best, be honest, and wait for the other person to be on the same page with you. There's no orchestrating that sort of thing."

I'd designed the roles she and I would play for sex. I'd arranged the rooms, demanded the times, planned what I would do to her.

I like when you choose.

I'd let those words extend too far. My friends weren't telling me anything Victoria hadn't, in violently clear and brutally direct words.

"I'm not sure she wants me at all," I said. I'd been fairly sure before I'd gone bumbling my way into her life last week, but after witnessing her anger, herhonestfeelings, I had serious doubts.

"Do you want to give up?" Rafe asked. He'd sucked down the drink Khell had made.

I glanced down at my own, untouched, unknown. It could've been water, for all I'd been paying attention.

I raised it to my lips slowly. "I'm not…I'm not sure."

But I knew the real answer. I wasn't ready to lose Victoria. Except now I had absolutely no idea of how to go about keeping her. She was the only one who could answer that for me.

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