Page 37 of Devoted

"I followed you down that fucking rabbit hole, Ten. I went after you. The joke was on me. Somehow I convinced myself that I was some damn knight on a white horse riding in to save the woman he loved. But you didn't need me. I only made things worse. I screwedup."

"You didn't screw up. And I wasn't fine. Things were slowly getting out of control. I was drifting farther and farther away from reality. I'm not sure what to say anymore. I need you, James. But I don't want to be the person causing you constant grief. I can't erase anything that happened. It happened. And I can't just declare hatred for a man who I don't hate. I'm still dealing with that but if it's too much for you, then . . . then we should probably just stop this here. It was a crazy fucking idea anyhow." I marvel at how calmly I'm giving my mature, reasonable speech when inside I'm crumbling into a big hotmess.

I stare at him, hoping he steps forward to pull me into his arms and apologize and beg me to not give up on us. That's what I'm wishing for but that scenario never playsout.

The hurt in his face pushes a lump the size of an orange into my throat. His Adam's apple moves up and down with a deep swallow. "You can use the house for as long as you like. But watch yourself. If they see Freestone entering this house on his own freewill—"

I groan. "You're obsessed. He's not coming back. He came to make sure I was allright."

"Just like I did, you mean? This morning when I drove like my ass was on fire because you didn't answer mytexts."

My reaction is the absolute wrong reaction. "It's not a competition, Maddox," I say with alaugh.

His jaw tightens. "Fuck you,Tennyson."

"No, Maddox, I'm just joking. You know how I always resort to humor when I'm upset," I'm talking fast trying to get it all in before he walks out and slams the door shut behindhim.

I turn and lean against the door. Tears flow like waterfalls as I scoot down to my bottom. I hug my knees to my chest. It seems I'm fucking crying again. And this time it feels like the tears are never going tostop.

21

Maddox

Three monthslater

Silvana drainsthe last of his water bottle and tosses it into the backseat with the other empty bottles and the food wrappers from breakfast. "I thought we were heading toward the fall equinox, further from the sun. Or at least that's what they taught me in elementary school. It's so damn hot we might as well be sitting on thesun."

There's a flicker of movement on the next block. I lean my head down below the visor to check it out. It's a kid on a bicycle. I relax back but realize the seat is too hot. "You know we don't get our first cool day untilHalloween."

"Yeah." Silvana pulls a stick of gum out of his pocket. "I can still remember begging my mom not to make me wear a fucking coat over my Spiderman costume. I mean how many times has anyone spotted Spidey climbing the side of a building in a puffy wintercoat?"

"I think the real question is why the hell did you need a puffy winter coat in SouthernCalifornia?"

"We get the occasional winter day. I liked to be prepared for anything." He sits up. "There's someone pulling up in front of thehouse."

"Yeah, I think that's the guy who lives in the backhouse."

Silvana slumps back down. We were both feeling much more energetic at six in the morning when we started the stakeout. But the day heated up fast. "Guess this is how those frozen burritos I nuke in the microwave feel. By the way, Clark has cornered me a dozen fucking times about this investigation. Guess he's using me as an intermediary because he doesn't want to tell you face toface."

"Coward. Yeah, we've been doing a bang up job of avoiding each other for the past few months. Is he still gnawing on the same bone? Telling you how these guys in the X-crew are expecting us to tiptoe around them because they've been cooperating on and off foryears?"

"Yeah that and the whole bit about how militant they are when it comes to protecting each other. And the whole retaliation lecture too. He thinksyou're—"

I look at him. "I'mwhat?"

"Nothing," Silvanasays.

"Bullshit. He thinks I'm still not thinking straight because of Ten. I've made more busts in the last two months than in an entire year. Seems like I'm thinking straight justfine."

"Yep, you've been like a bulldozer, Maddox. Just remember these guys are different. They expect to be treated with kid'sgloves."

"This time Junior, the leader's asshole son, sent a fifteen-year-old girl to the hospital. The snitch said there is a group of underage girls hanging out in that abandoned house. Junior has been stopping by to get his kicks in exchange for drugs. He needs to spend some reflection time in a jailcell."

"I guess that's why Clark thinks this is a sticky one. Because it'sJunior."

"If he even shows up today. I'm just about melted to thisseat."

Silvana's phone beeps and he pulls it out. He smiles at the text and sends somethingback.

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