Page 15 of Devoted

She catches me staring at her and a glimmer of a smile shows on her face. It's a teasing smile I've never seen before. That's when it occurs to me. We never flirted. We avoided it. We taunted each other with sarcasm, insults and the occasional polite thank you or sorry but flirting was off limits. Flirting could get in the way ofwork.

I lean against the counter to finish my soda. Ten walks into the kitchen. The pajama pants are so low on her thin hips, I can see the top of her bikini underwear. Blue and unexpectedlylacy.

"It's O.K., you know—" She reaches into the cupboard and pulls out a box of cereal. Another movement that lifts the extra short t-shirt, a clothing item I'm becoming instantly obsessed with. Her ribs are still way too prominent, but the curve of her breast causes my cock totighten.

"What's O.K.?" I ask after recovering from the cerealreach.

"You can say his name. I won't turn to a puddle of tears or throw furniture around the room inanger."

I turn so she can't see my expression. Ten knows me toowell.

"Shit," she says. I turned too late. "That's what you want. You wish I would hear Kane Freestone and fall apart at the mere mention of his name. You want me to go screaming like a banshee through the living room, tearing my hair out with rage just hearing hisname."

I shake my head. "Never said that. Like always, you're putting words in my mouth." I scoot past her. "I need ashower."

She slips easily past me and stands in the doorway to the hall. "Why don't you tell me, James Maddox. Tell me what the proper reaction should be in a situation like this. What's the right way for me to act to comport with your view of how I should behave? Fucking tell me, Maddox." Her brown eyes shine with tears of anger. "Don't be such a fucking coward and tellme."

I kick the coffee table. It stutters across the floor. Candy wrappers float around like dead leaves. "You want to know? Do you really want to know? Tell me you hate the motherfucker. A little fucking outrage about the way he treated you, that would be nice. Say fucking something about how you hated every damn minute of being near the guy. That, that would be good for a fuckingstart."

The tears she'd been keeping back start to roll down her face. I'm still getting used to a Ten who cries, a Ten who lets every emotion show. It makes me step back in regret. "I don't know what else to say, Ten." I can hear the strain in my voice. "You know I'm never good at talking about what I'mfeeling."

A short laugh spurts from her lips. She wipes the tears off her face. "Really? Cuz those last few lines sounded pretty damn real. Like you've been fucking rehearsing them. But if it'll help you, I mean that's what's important here, then I'll say whatever you fucking want. Whatever will help stroke your ginormous male ego." She sticks out her arms. "I hate Kane Freestone. I cringe at the very thought of him touching me. Does that work? Is that what you want to hear? Only, I guess I should say it with more conviction cuz, to be perfectly honest, when you ask me to say it, you're really just telling me you want me to feel ashamed aboutit. "

My chest feels tighter with every word. More than anything because she's right. She can still read me like a big, open, large print fuckingbook.

"You're right. I'm being a selfish asshole. Who knew I had it in me, huh?" Our bodies lightly brush against each other. Hot static charges exchange but are quickly broken when I walkpast.

"Or maybe I should come up with a good story that'll really set your mind at ease," she continues through a sob. "There were no leather cuffs or anklets, no spankings or sex that made my head spin. Kane and I sat and played card games every night. I'll bet that's what you and Tiffany were doing too. Playing fucking cards," she yells as I shut the bathroomdoor.

I flinch when she kicks the door hard and stomps away. The shower heats up fast as I strip off my clothes. I replay the last few minutes in my head until I can't stand to replay themanymore.

I stand under the shower, lean my head against the tile wall and let the hot water pour over me. A ruffle of cool air moves the shower curtain as the bathroom door opens and closes. The shower curtain is decorated with pictures of rainbow trout. It folds up and Ten steps into the shower still wearing the drawstring pants and the cropped shirt and the sad look I've seen way toooften.

I gaze at her for a long moment, trying to remember back to that first day, when she walked into Clark's office. "Sometimes I wish we were just two strangers." My throat is dry considering I'm standing in a cloud of steam. "You know? Two people who just showed up at the coffee shop at the sametime."

Her lip curls up slightly. "You wouldn't even look my direction if we met in a coffeeshop."

"See. That's bullshit. That's what you tell yourself but you'rewrong."

She steps toward me. Every inch of me reacts to her presence. I keep my hands fisted at my sides, wanting nothing more than to take hold of her, kiss her, do every damn thing I've been dreaming about for the last three years. But my arms stay tight at mysides.

Ten steps under the shower head. Water pours down her head, soaking her shirt. It clings to her wet skin and breasts. Her lips press against my chest. I've imagined her lips on me a million times. This time it's real and I can't react. Neither of us is ready to face this. There are too many tangles right now. Nothing is right at the moment. Nothing makes sense. The only thing certain and solid in my head is that I love her. It feels like I've loved herforever.

She pulls her lips away. I release the breath I've beenholding.

Her expressive brown eyes are rimmed by long wet lashes as she peers up atme.

"It's not about making you feel shame." I push a strand of wet hair off her forehead. "I hate the guy for touching you. This is about him. Not about you. I fucking hate that he touched you. I fucking hate him forit."

She pushes her forehead against my chest and stares down at the water circling the drain beneath our feet. "I'm worried, Maddox." The sound of rushing water nearly mutes her quiet voice. "I'm worried that we won't get pastthis."

I wrap my arms around her and hold her. "Yeah, metoo."

11

Angie

The misty aircools the sweat on my face as my feet pound the wet sand. It took some self-convincing but I managed to coax myself out of bed early, while the gray haze still blanketed the coast, eat a good breakfast and go for a run. I'd been a runner my whole life. It gave me an edge on the track team in high school. Most of my teammates hated the grueling five mile before school runs but I loved them. When I was in tiptop shape, it felt as if I could run forever. But this morning, a mile back and forth along the sand is my max. I feel great but I'm sure I'll suffer for itlater.

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