Page 36 of Devoted

"Fuck you. Who are you, my babysitter? And if we're going to get all goody-two-shoes and follow the orders of our bosses, then you're not supposed to be here. Besides, I didn't let him in. That glass door isn't exactly a grand security system. He walked rightinside."

I slip past him to get aspirin from the kitchen. He moves so quietly I don't hear him until I feel the heat of him behind me. He moves close enough to sandwich me between his rigid body and the refrigerator. I rest against the cold steel door and peer up at him. If even one tear falls, I will never forgivemyself.

I flinch when his arms come up and slap the refrigerator on each side of my head. His eyes are dark green with rage. "Did he touch you?" he asks quietly, but it's not a good, calmingquiet.

"The police are looking for this guy, who is supposedly some twisted genius. A theory you've bought into as well. Shouldn't your question be did he hurt you? Or are you only interested in knowing if hetouchedsomething that you've decided belongs toyou?"

Maddox pushes away from the refrigerator and stomps out of the kitchen. "Maybe I'm just fighting a losing battle here." He walks out the glass door and onto the sand. I follow him. The early summer haze is just clearing, leaving behind a sticky heat. I stand next to him and watch a small white sailboat ride the wave crests out of thecove.

"The battle for supreme maleness is only in your head," I say, both of us still watching the boat. "And no, he didn't touch me. Unless you count one hug that I started because I'd just finished hearing about his horrificchildhood."

"Yeah, there's a lot of crummy childhood stories behind twisted people. Why should his be anydifferent?"

"Oh, but it is. It's extremely different. Silvana hasn't told you, hashe?"

"It seems Clark told Silvana to stay clear of me too. Apparently, I've got some sort of plague." Maddox sits on the railroad ties that border his uncle's little yard. I sit next tohim.

"Kane's real name is Turner Vossnik. Does the last name ring anybells?"

He shakes his head. Just like Kane, Maddox and I were both little kids when the murders took place. But unlike Kane, who grew up in what he called a house of horrors, Maddox and I were miles away living a regular life, playing with toys and siblings and totally oblivious to the notion of death ormurder.

"Turner's father was the River BendSlasher."

He turns to me with a questioning squint, apparently trying to decide if I'mjoking.

"He was only seven when his father murdered his first victim. Those scars on Kane's arm? Kane carved one into his flesh with a butter knife each time his dad killed someone. Kane was ten when his dad killed number eight. He wrote a letter to the police to help them solve a case that had them baffled for three years. He had no otherfamily."

"Jesus." Maddox plucks a smooth stone from the sand and throws it. "Still doesn't make me feel better that he dropped in on you. And instead of being on defense, you fucking sat down to a bottle of wine with the guy." He gets up and blocks out the sun with his big build as he stares down at me. "He's wanted. You could lose your badge,Ten."

I stand up. "Not sure I give a damn about that badge anyhow. This debriefing session is making me feel like I'm human trash. Like I went undercover just to get swept into his sordid undergroundworld."

Maddox is silent. He doesn't even try to support me by letting me know I'm wrong about that assessment. His non-reaction is easily the most hurtful thing he's done since he walked in, which is saying alot.

"He's using you again. Just like he did in that pit of hell. He's even using his bizarre childhood to garnersympathy."

"You are a fucking asshole." I kick a huge scoop of sand at him. He ducks to avoid the spray of it in his eyes. "He didn't bring up his childhood. I did. And the word isn't sympathy. It's way past sympathy when you learn that someone had to hide in a room so his father could perform a ritual slaughter of innocent women. Homeless women and prostitutes, by the way. Like the women Kane has helped these past years by providing them with food and showers and cleanclothes."

"Don't forget the part where he turns them intowhores."

I blink back tears but my eyes ache. "Is that what you think of me? That I'm awhore?"

A twinge of regret crosses his face. "No, I'm sorry—" He follows me as I stomp through the sand and back to the house. I slide open the door but don't manage to push it shut before he grabs it. "You're not a whore. He drugged you. Can't you see why I want to fucking take him down for good? It's not what you did, Ten. It's what hedid."

I turn to him. "He never forced me. That's what I think you need to accept. I was high on his drug but he never forcedme."

He nods. "Right. Got it. Not quite sure why that is so important for me to understand. But you know what? I'm losing sleep. I can't fucking do my job right. I want to throw my fist at something all day. I'm a sucker. I'm thinking about you all day. And you're thinking abouthim."

"What? You're crazy." I reach for his hand but he pulls itaway.

His throat moves with a deep swallow. "I knew it would be like this between us. The constant drama. There's just too much between us already to make this ever smooth out. I guess that's why I was constantly trying to convince myself that you and I could never be athing."

My chest feels heavy as if someone is pressing against it. "What are you saying?" The tears breakfree.

Maddox pulls his gaze away from my face. "I'm saying, maybe this was a mistake. Maybe we were wrong thinking this couldwork."

It feels as if the entire floor is pulled out from under me. Internally, I'm reminding myself to stay strong. But it's hard. Everything has been so damn hard. "Guess I'm not worth the trouble eh?" I add a sad laugh but it sounds out ofplace.

Maddox looks at me. I wish to hell he'd turn away again. It's much easier to deal with the despair when I'm not looking athim.

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