Page 33 of Devoted

I take another warming sip. "The expensive stuff is tasty. I wasn't acting." I look plainly at him. "But I was drugged out of mymind."

He stares at me with that magnetic blue gaze as he drinks his glass of wine. "The nectar is not as strong as you think. Yes, you reacted much more than most, including the unwanted side effects, but its main purpose is to let women push away their inhibitions. It lets them find their true sensual self. It takes away all those norms and protocols and rules they've had drilled into them since they were little girls so they can enjoythemselves."

I put the glass down. "You need to take your experimental drug off the pedestal. I just went through two months of hell trying to rid my system of yourinhibitionreducing serum. I enjoyed myself much more than I want to admit. It was an erotic fantasy trip that I'll never forget. Unfortunately. You're the only person I can talk to freely about this, only I'm expected to recount everything that happened to me in Lace Underground. And to complete strangers. The shame is hard to dealwith."

He reaches over and lightly touches the back of my hand. I should flinch and draw it quickly away but I don't. I still find his touch comforting, protective. Even a light touch on the back of my hand. His aftershave, an all too familiar scent, sends a surge of heat through me. But it fades quickly. As perfectly connected and in rhythm as we were sexually, he's not the one. Even during those desperate hours waiting for him to visit me in my room, there was always still a part of me that held onto the one strand connecting me to the real world, my love for Maddox. At least that is what I've been telling myself again andagain.

"Are you happy, SweetSin?"

I can't help but smile at the nickname. In Lace Underground, I practically melted at the sound of his deep voice uttering the two words. Now they seem like part of a movie, part of something that only happened in myimagination.

"I could be better," I say. "Things are strained between—" I stop and think about how wildly possessive Kane was of me and how it thrilled me to have someone so protective and obsessed, no one else could get near me. So much of what is happening between Maddox and me stems from his hatred toward Kane and, more specifically, Kane's relationship with me. Only now I'm not drugged. My emotions and fierce need to be loved while holding onto my independence make me hate the protectiveness, the jealousobsession.

Kane waits for me to continue but I choose a different path. "Why did you let him go? You let me believe he was dead. Was it jealousy? Were you punishing me for lovinghim?"

"Ah, we're on to my least favorite subject, Detective Maddox." He leans forward. "In that case I need another glass of wine." He pours the drink and sits back with it. "Yes, the ugly snake of jealousy bit me more than once when you were mine. And before you argue against it, please just let me believe in my heart that for those few months you were mine and no oneelse's."

I nod mostly because it's more true thanfalse.

He drinks the wine and places the glass back on the table. "I could have killed him. I hated him from the start and would have liked nothing more than to send him to a watery grave. But I didn't because of his devotion to you. I figured Maddox and I had a lot in common. We both look at you and see the only woman in the world who matters. The only woman worth giving up everything for, life included. So I made sure he had a good scare and faced his own demise for a few minutes before signaling Jason to pick himup."

"Asshole," I tell him before taking anotherdrink.

"Yes, unfortunately I am. In my defense, the second I laid eyes on you through that one way mirror, I knew I was looking at my downfall. I knew I was looking at the one woman who could wipe away all reason. After keeping tight control and security of the Lace Underground, real security not this silly preschool security law enforcement is providing for you, I knew you'd cause me to lose it all. And you did. But I would have done itagain."

"See, that's just stupid. I'm not worth losing a game of Monopoly over, let alone an entireempire."

He shakes his head as he reaches to touch my face. "One day you'll let yourself see just how much you're worth." He sits back. "And the Lace Underground is gone, but my empire is still doing justfine."

"But they're after you. There's a whole team of investigators looking foryou."

"Yes. But the mad genius always has aplan."

I laugh. "Like walking right into this house and making yourself comfortable on thecouch?"

"Adding weight to my assessment of the way they are taking care of you. Any madman can just walk in here and share his expensive wine withyou."

I sip more of the wine. My limbs feel slightly heavy from it. "You're different," I say. "Maybe it's because I'm not dressed in lingerie and leather cuffs and in a drug haze. Or is it because you are no longer tethered to that secret undergroundclub?"

"A little of both, I think. I was somewhat relieved to fold it up. It served its purpose but I was getting bored. Until you came along, ofcourse."

"Of course. How isBlake?"

"For obvious reasons, I stopped contact with everyone except Oscar and Jason. Last I heard, Blake opened a luxury day spa and is lovingit."

"You made that happen for him, didn'tyou?"

"Financially but the rest is all his doing." Kane looks my direction. "I'm worried about you, Sweet Sin. You don't look happy." He tilts his head to the side and drags his gaze along my body. I'm dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt, a far cry from the skimpy lingerie he's used to seeing me in. Yet he looks with the same appreciative blue spark in his eyes. "At least you're putting back on some of the lusciouscurves."

"Yes, that is less due to my mood and more to excessive amounts of junk food. I sort of went a little nuts once food started looking delicious again. But I've started running, and I'm cutting myself off at one cupcake and one lunch sized bag of chips a day." The startling charge of adrenaline that was brought on by his unexpected visit is dwindling. The weariness of the day is catching up to me. The wine is only adding toit.

I turn and sit sideways to rest my head against the couch. "As to the first part of your suggestion that I don't look happy—It's been hard. Reallyhard."

"I tried to give you a dose of the antidote before they swarmed the complex. It would have made withdrawal easier. Yourefused."

"I thought you'd killed Maddox. I no longer trusted you." I pop my head off the couch with a startling revelation. "Why the heck didn't you tell me he was alive? I was in despair about it but you let mesuffer."

He pulls his eyes from my face and stares out at the beach. There is little to see except darkness. He seems to be looking for a reason. He turns back to me. "Just as you discovered some hidden character traits while under the influence of nectar, I kept a lot tamped down too. I'm not sure if it was pride or hurt, a mix of both, I guess. But to see you agonize over losing Maddox made me understand just how deeply you loved him. I took some pleasure in seeing you suffer because I felt betrayed. And, so you see, there is plenty about me that fits the monster persona the police have made me out tobe."

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