Page 58 of Amnesty

Good.

Kind.

Strong.

The man I loved intensely.

After I added the detergent and turned on the machine, I went through the laundry room into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door.

I set the water in the shower to hot and stood outside, waiting for it to grow warm. I glanced in the mirror above the sink.

Who are you?

Quickly, I turned away and stepped into the shower. More tears ran down my cheeks, mixed with the spray from the shower. I cried as I scrubbed my skin. I was rough because I felt so dirty. I wanted that place off me.

Too bad the answers I’d been so desperate to find weren’t that easy to wash away.

That was the thing about memories. About knowing vs not knowing.

You could never “unknow” it afterward.

Unless, of course, you jumped off something, tried to kill yourself, hit your head, and then were hit again with something else… Then you might unknow things…

Yeah.

I always feared I was living someone else’s life. There was always that doubt I wasn’t Sadie. Everyone voiced it. Over and over again. Even I doubted it at times. But time went on. It seemed more plausible every day.

Or maybe I just wanted it to be true more and more every day.

But with all the doubt, I never actually considered what would happen if I went to the island and found out I wasn’t Sadie.

I never in my wildest dreams thought I would find her.

And now here I was.

Standing in the shower belonging to a woman who let me stay because she thought I was her best friend’s daughter. Standing beneath borrowed water, using borrowed soap, and sobbing my heart out because I was back. Back in that terrible place.

The place I was in when I first awoke from the coma.

Alone and with no idea who I was.

I was shackled regardless, wasn’t I? In the end, it seemed answers didn’t matter, because no matter what I learned, I still ended up back here.

Despair threatened to swallow me whole. An image of open hatch in the ground swam into my mind. It looked like a black hole in the center of the sunshine. It was a hole thatdidswallow me once.

At least I thought so. I wasn’t sure.

I knew I spent time down there. All the memories I had were of that place. How long was I there? What else happened? Was Sadie also there?

The distant sound of laughter echoed in my head, and the feel of someone tugging my hair gently, as if styling it into braids, was so strong a sensation, I reached up to finger the short, wet strands.

I sank onto the floor and covered my ears, squeezing my eyes shut.

“No,” I begged. “No more. Please let my mind stay empty.”

Sobs of sorrow broke out of me. I let them come. I encouraged them. The sound they made in the enclosed stall drowned out the laughter and the feelings echoing somewhere deep inside me.

Instantly, cold air whooshed around me. Strong arms and a familiar body hunched close. He was warm. The kind of warm I couldn’t get from the water. It startled me at first. I jerked upright and peered over my shoulder.

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