Page 69 of Bae

I grabbed her face, looking directly into her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were torturing yourself this way?”

She shrugged. “I thought maybe with some time, I’d stop thinking like this, my fear might go away. But it didn’t. It’s been over three months, and I still tell you to wear those stupid condoms.”

“I don’t care about the goddamn condoms,” I growled. “I told you I understood you aren’t ready to try.”I just haven’t understood enough.

She shook her head sadly, twisting the sheet in her hands. “I am ready. I’m just so scared. Scared I won’t be able to get pregnant but also scared I will.”

I nodded, understanding lighting my brain. “It’s a lot of what-ifs. A lot of unanswered questions. What if you can’t get pregnant?” I repeated. “What if you can and miscarry again?”

More tears slid from beneath her lids as she squeezed them tight.

“But, baby, what if you can? What if what happened was just a terrible thing? What if we try again and it turns out better than you imagined?”

“Are you afraid?” she asked, her eyes wide and innocent.

I smoothed a hand down the side of her head. “Every day.”

“Really?”

I smiled. “Hard to believe, huh? It’s just because I’m a badass.”

Her lips lifted.

I grabbed her face again. “I will love you no matter what, Rimmel. Baby or no baby. The only thing in this life I can’t live without is you.”

I’d said this before. Months ago. I thought it sank in, but it hadn’t. Sometimes words needed repeating.

“And this shit about you not being strong enough to protect our daughter…” I shook my head, adamant. “Stop it.”

She laughed. “You can’t just command my feelings.”

“I can, and I will,” I demanded. “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met. You might be small, and you might be kinda awkward.” She pinched me, and I winced. “But your body”—I reached between us and put a hand on her stomach—“is perfect. I don’t know why Evie couldn’t stay with us, baby. But I do know her loss was not your fault. She knows it, too.”

Her eyes filled again. I really fucking hated when she cried.

Rimmel whispered, “I like to think she’s with my mother.”

A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed, trying to dislodge it. “I think she probably is.”

There was a sudden knock on the door. “Room service!”

Rim straightened with a little shriek and whispered yelled, “We’re naked!”

I rounded my eyes. “Thank God you told me! I’d have answered the door and showed off all our goods to the waiter!”

Rim scrambled off my lap, trying to leap off the bed for her clothes. She ended up tangled in the sheet and half dangling off the mattress.

“Just a minute!” I called, loud enough for the guy in the hall to hear.

“You’re killing me, Smalls.” I reached down and supported her twisted form as she fought to get free.

With her feet finally on the floor, she straightened to her full shorty height and glared at me. I kissed her on the head and jammed her shirt over her head. “Out of sight, woman.” I smacked her playfully on her bare ass.

She took the shirt and disappeared into the bathroom, and I pulled on my jeans but didn’t bother with a shirt. I let the waiter in with the rolling cart, added a big tip to the slip, and signed it.

“Have a good night, Mr. Anderson.”

I held the door for him, and when he was gone, I threw the lock and pushed the cart over toward the bed. Rimmel appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, wearing my old shirt.

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