Page 25 of Bae

It wasn’t physical. It wasn’t even tangible. Sometimes I thought I imagined it, but then there were other times, like today, when I saw the battle in her eyes or felt a great distance even when she was at my side.

There were times in the past when distance threatened to separate us. The reasons then and now might not be the same, but the result was. I didn’t like it.

Oh, hells no.

I really wasn’t sure what to do about it, though. This wasn’t something I could fix. I could have a restraining order served, deck a guy in the face, or even just profess my love. Rim knew I loved her.

And I was learning sometimes love didn’t fix everything.

In a way, what held us sort of separate was something we’d not faced together yet. Loss like Evie was permanent. It was irrevocable, and as I was coming to realize, it wasn’t something that even truly healed.

Rimmel was taking it hard… maybe harder than I realized.

Harder than me.

The guilt of that might haunt me forever. It was also something that likely kept some space between us.

I missed my wife. I missed having our souls touch even when we were miles apart. I might not know how to fix everything, but I did know something.

I wasn’t giving up.

Maybe what we needed was time together. Not talking about the press. Not worrying about condoms or even the detachment I knew we both felt.

We needed quality time. Low-key time. Time for me to remind her even though we’d lost something, we still had each other. Maybe once I saw the shadows in her eyes lose some of their darkness, the guilt gripping my chest wouldn’t be so heavy.Hopefully.

I didn’t have much time before B and I were off again. The season was already underway, and soon we’d be on the road way more than we’d be home. I’d just have to make the most of the time we did have and then, after that, all the moments in between.

After Rim and I ate plates of bacon, eggs, and fruit, I dumped all the dishes in the sink and snatched her around the waist before she could try to wash them or put them in the dishwasher.

“C’mon, let’s go for a walk,” I said against her ear.

“I need to clean up,” she retorted, leaning back into my chest.

I nipped at her ear. “Later.”

Since her back was to my chest and my arms were wrapped tight around her waist, when I started walking, she had no choice but to follow. We left the bright kitchen and walked into the mudroom, where there was a huge wall-length built-in bookcase-type thing. Except it didn’t hold books.

It held shoes.

Why women needed so many damn shoes I’d never know. Hell, even Nova, and she could barely walk.

Leaning down, I scooped up Rim’s favorite fur-lined boots and held them in front of us.

Rimmel grabbed them and stepped away so she could push her legs into them. Before we’d finally left the bedroom, she’d put on a pair of leggings that hugged her body and a long, oversized gray sweater.

Her hair was down, and I knew she brushed it because as she did, I’d heard her in the bathroom muttering to herself about it.

I slid on some sneakers and whistled for the dogs. Both of them came lumbering into the room like a pair of idiots. Rimmel laughed at their antics, so I supposed their idiotic behavior was worth something. I opened the door, and they rushed out into the garage before us.

“Where we walking to?” Rimmel asked.

I turned back as she was sliding a chunky knit cap over her head and ears. It was gray, just like her sweater.

I loved her. Everything about her. So much that sometimes it still caught me off guard.

Sometimes it still scared the hell out of me.

I shrugged. “Does it matter?”

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