Page 9 of Claimed By the Don

Liam happily shoves crackers in his mouth and looks at us in fascination. I can see the wheels turning in his brain. He has another adult in his home, and she can go up against Mommy and win. This is going to be exhausting. I’ll get the fun of sharing him with my mom and I’ll pay the price for that by having to pick my battles and let him get away with more than usual.

“The good is gonna more than make up for the trouble,” she says to me from her seat at the table. I raise my eyebrows wondering how the woman is back to reading my mind already.

I give her a hug and kiss the top of her head, “I’m really glad I’m back. Not glad you had an accident obviously, but I’m happy we’re here, Mom,” I say.

“It’s all I’ve wanted since the day you left. But I couldn’t tell you anything then. If I’d known a car wreck would get you back home, I might’ve tried jaywalking when this one was still in diapers,” she says.

“You’re not funny,” I say sternly, trying not to crack a smile.

After supper and dishes, I give Liam a bath and put him to bed in my old room. He’s out like a light, and it moves me to see him asleep in my childhood bed. My mom is on the couch watching some house remodeling show with her foot propped up on the ottoman. I curl up beside her and watch for a minute.

I’m going to talk to her about seeing Benny, see what she thinks. But it’s so cozy, and I lean my head on her shoulder. I feel her cheek against my hair where she rests it against the top of my head like she did when I was a child. Tears burn my eyes and nose for all the time I’ve missed her and made her miss Liam and me.

“I’m sorry,” I say to her, barely able to get it out.

“You’re the most stubborn person I ever met. And that boy of yours is going to give you a run for your money at cards. Wait’ll he learns all his numbers. He’ll be dealing in Atlantic City when he turns eighteen,” she whistles.

“I want him to go to college, make something out of himself.”

“I didn’t go to college and I’ve done fine. And look at you. You went to beauty school, and you’ve done great. Let him do what he wants to do.”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind, but let’s not sign my five-year-old up at any gambling establishments yet,” I say.

She puts an arm around me, and I lean against her, snuggle in and before I know it, sleeps drags me under.

6

BENNY

By the time I get home, I’m having an allergic reaction. Some kind of rash breaks out because I’m practically clawing at my chest, right over my sternum. I can’t think, can’t focus, and breathing isn’t easy. It doesn’t even feel automatic anymore. I concentrate on taking air into my lungs.

I shake my head but that doesn’t clear my vision at all. I’m not eighty-three years old, and it isn’t the heat that’s got me turned around. I saw Daisy May Cooper on the sidewalk today, like she’d come back from the dead.

I know it’s fucking melodramatic, but it feels that way.

I’m not still in love with her. I don’t even think that’s possible after so long apart. I kept looking for a letter. We did that back in the day, passed notes to each other, written in cheap, plastic-smelling blue ink on notebook paper. Any day I’d find one in my mailbox, I thought. I believed that for a long time. I never got the six-page, tear-stained letter I expected, one explaining how she had to follow her dreams. That she’d always regret leaving me behind but my life was here. It was practically a country song by the time I finished imagining that scene.

How many men has she been with since me? How many times has she told some guy she loves him? Nope, I can’t go there.

Finally, on the verge of a full-blown panic attack, I decided a cold shower is what I need to snap my ass back to reality.

I stand under the bite of icy water, grit my teeth and say ‘fuck’ about two hundred times. Nothing helps. Just like nothing helped when she left.

But I clawed my way back. I no longer look like a pasty-faced whiner that hadn’t seen the sun in six months. I hit the gym, gave up drinking alone and drinking when I’m upset. I put my skills to use, righted the ship on the family business since my dad had spent the two years of my devastation alienating a lot of our allies. I built it back. I slipped in to shore up my dad and instead of seizing control, I just stand there, young, strong and level-headed, and earn their confidence.

This is why I feel like I’m being ripped apart by something with giant claws. Seeing her incinerated the self-respect and resilience I thought I’d built up in the past few years. That’s ashes now and sifting away in the wind. Because Daisy May Cooper can undo me with a look, see right through all the bullshit I’ve told myself about moving forward.

I’m a grown ass man, second in command of the largest criminal organization in the state of New Jersey, and she could bring me to my knees in an instant.

Everything I thought I’d become, everything I’ve taken pride in was a stupid fairy tale I used to keep me going from day to day. It was a painful coming of age. That is what I tell myself to be able to get up in the morning.

No matter what I thought, I never stopped waiting for Daisy to come home to me.

There is no limit to what I’ll do to get her back. I’m not even ashamed of that because I’m hooked, and I never met a junkie that had an ounce of shame.

7

DAISY

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