Page 76 of When We Are Complete

“Oh. Yeah, sure,” I reply, keeping my tone light. I reach for a cracker, doing my best to appear casual, but my stomach tightens at the thought of eating. It’s not what I need right now. If I eat just one or two things, slowly, Nora won’t notice if I don’t have any more.

She hands me a fork and nudges the noodles toward me. "You okay, Kel? You’re a million miles away.”

“I just—” I hesitate, words catching in my throat. I could tell her, spill the anxiety that’s scratching at me from the inside, pulling away every carefully constructed layer around my flawedheart. But what would I even say? That I’ve been talking to Mom at our old house and I’m scared I’ll never make her proud?

I look up and grimace. “I’m just thinking about the festival installations. This storm could ruin everything. I mean, weeks of planning and work, and in one night—gone.”

Nora bites into her cheese and shrugs. “Maybe. It could also be fine. And even if it’s not, you can’t control a storm, right? I mean, everyone knows it’s not your fault if something happens.”

But it doesn’t seem that simple. It never does. I envy people like Nora. Like Jake. “I guess.”

I stare down at my plate, carefully spreading a thin layer of hummus on a cracker and breaking it in half before taking a delicate bite.

Nora watches me as she nibbles on a piece of brie. “So how are things going with Jake?”

“Things are good. We haven’t missed a beat, you know?” I take another tiny bite of my cracker.

“Good, huh?” She waggles her eyebrows in that teasing way she does. “Sounds as though the chemistry’s still hot.”

“It is. In fact, he’s learned a thing or two over the years.” I force a smile.

She tilts her head as she studies me. “But?”

I set my cracker down and shrug. “You know Jake.” I swallow, hesitating. “It’s not that he doesn’t care. It’s just that he’s Jake. He’s focused on fixing things.”

Not the mess inside me. But let’s face it. Who’d want to deal with that?

Nora’s expression softens. “He’s just trying to protect you, provide for you. Men like that—they want to handle things, make it easier on us, I guess that’s how he shows his love.”

“Maybe.” I shrug again, trying to shake off the heaviness settling in my chest.

It’s probably a good thing he doesn’t look deeper. The last thing I want is for him to see me unraveling. If he saw the real me—the mess, the fear—he’d probably decide it’s too much. I’m too much.

Nora’s eyes are gentle in the candlelight. “You two have so much history. It’s hard not to believe you’re made for one another.”

“But he hasn’t seen every side of me. Not really.” The words come out before I can stop them. I clamp my lips closed, regretting the slip, but Nora just reaches over, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“You’re harder on yourself than anyone I’ve ever met. You don’t need to be perfect.”

“I know.” But even as I say it, that part of me—the one desperate to be the woman my mom always wanted me to be—resists. It’s one thing to say the words, another to believe them.

“And Jake isn’t looking for perfection. He’s looking for you. So, don’t be afraid to let him in. Give him a chance to see the real you.”

The words settle into me, utterly terrifying. Part of me wonders if she’s right. I want to believe her, to trust that Jake sees something in me worth staying for. But hope is fragile tonight.

I can’t shake the fear gnawing at the back of my mind. The fear that if Jake truly knew me, saw the seething mass of anxious thoughts and doubts and worries, he’d turn and walk away, just like he did all those years ago.

Chapter 43

Kelly

Noraand I continue to sit in the dark as the storm rages. I take another tiny bite of my cracker, ignoring my hunger and savoring the control it gives me, the one steady rhythm in a night that is so close to spinning totally out of control.

Memories creep in, unbidden but persistent—back to the worst of it, after Jake and I split up for good. Losing him unmoored me from everything solid, and the only thing I could control was my own food intake.

I glance at Nora across the candlelit table, her easy smile and laughter filling the room, and I’m grateful she never saw me that way. She doesn’t know how dark it got, and I want to keep it that way.

Nora watches me flinch as a heavy branch snaps outside, crashing to the ground. She reaches out and squeezes my arm. “Don’t stress, Kelly. You’ve done your best.”

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