Page 79 of When We Are Falling

There’s a long pause, the tension between us pulsating. The air is almost suffocating, everything between us swirling together, creating a magnetic force, pulling us closer together while simultaneously pushing us apart.

I can’t look away from his pained expression, and I can imagine the emotions coursing through him in this moment, mirroring my own. We’re both struggling to find the right words to say, to break through this impasse.

The hurt on his handsome face, the way his shoulders slump slightly, makes my heart ache. I know he’s just trying to be there for me, to protect me the only way he knows how.

But after what he just did… I don’t know how I’m ever going to get through to David after that. I thought it would be okay to rely on someone, to share my burdens, but now I’m not so sure.

Ethan looks down at the ground, his voice quieter now. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you’re not capable. Iknowhow capable you are. I just can’t stand the thought of something happening to you. It’s killing me to watch you go through this and feel like I’m powerless to help. David has shown time and time again that he’s not rational—”

“He’d never hurt me.”

“Come on, you’re not stupid. You read the news. Women get hurt and killed by men they think they can trust all the time. Please, just try to understand where I’m coming from. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. The thought of something happening to you…”

He looks up, our eyes meeting, and in that moment, the world narrows. There’s an intensity in his gaze that takes my breath away—those gray eyes, usually so calm and controlled, are now stormy and fierce, filled with an emotion so deep it almost frightens me.

The look is raw, unwavering, and it hits me with a physical force. I can see it all there, plain as day—the resolve, thedetermination, the unspoken vow that he’d protect me at any cost.

At this moment, I know without a doubt just how far he’d go to keep me safe. There’s no hesitation, no second-guessing, just a fierce protectiveness that blazes in his eyes. He’s silently promising that he’d lay his body on the line, his life, his everything, to stop someone from hurting me.

Love like this, a love that would risk everything, is as terrifying as it is beautiful. No one has ever looked at me like this, and something softens inside me, but I’m still too raw, too angry to let it show.

“I get that you’re worried. But this is my life, my past. I need to handle it in my own way. The last thing I want is for this to get back to either of my moms.” My voice catches on the wordmoms.

He meets my eyes, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. The wind rushes down the boardwalk, the sound of the ocean suddenly louder. The gray clouds have moved closer, almost overhead now. It feels like we’re standing on opposite sides of something much bigger, a vastness that we won’t be able to bridge if we keep going.

Am I really ready to lose him?

“Please, princess. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know,” I reply, my voice softening as I take a step back from that precipice. I’m not ready to end things with Ethan. I’m not. I may not have told him yet, but I love him. I really do. “But you have to let me do this my way. You never lived my life, you will never know my history, not really, no matter how vivid a picture I try to paint for you.”

He gives a brief nod of agreement, and there’s a long silence. The struggle in his eyes is clear, the way he wants to reach out, to hold me, but something holds him back. And I know that something is me.

As we stand there, the light around us shifts, dimming as dark clouds move directly overhead. The first drops of rain begin to fall, pattering softly against the wooden boards beneath our feet. Tourists shriek and scatter, running for cover, but we just stand there, staring at each other like we’re the only two people left in the world.

As the rain begins to fall harder, Ethan takes a step closer. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand everything you’ve been through, and I get I will never really understand your childhood, or David’s. Seeing him like that, so close to you, out of control... I’m sorry if what I did hurt you.”

His voice is raw. It’s not just an apology for hurting me, but an acknowledgement that he doesn’t understand the unique circumstances David and I grew up in. He doesn’t try to justify his actions, doesn’t make excuses, just looks at me with those gray eyes that have always seemed so unyielding, but which are now filled with regret and worry.

Something shifts inside me. The anger that had flared up so fiercely finally ebbs completely, replaced by a wave of weariness. It dawns on me that he’s scared, just like I am. Scared of losing me, of not being enough, of making the wrong choices. Suddenly we’re not so different after all.

There’s tension in Ethan’s jaw, his hands clenched at his sides as he continues to hold himself back. He’s waiting for me to make the next move, to let him know everything’s okay. That we’re okay. And as much as I tell myself that I need to stand on my own two feet, that I can’t rely onanyone, I take a step forward, closing the gap between us.

His eyes soften as I reach for him, and the next thing I know, he’s pulling me into his arms, holding me like he’s afraid I might slip away. And maybe I am, but right now, even if it’s just for this moment, I want to be close to him.

The rain starts to fall harder, soaking us through, but neither of us moves. I rest my head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and we start to sway, slow dancing in the rain on the now empty boardwalk. His hands move gently up and down my back, and I close my eyes, letting the world fall away.

The rain is cold, but his body is warm, solid against mine. It’s just us, here, dancing in the rain like we have all the time in the world, even though I have no idea how to fix all the broken pieces of my life. How to fix this relationship with Ethan which sometimes feels like a tug-of-war.

“I’m scared,” I admit, my voice breaking a little as the words slip out.

He leans back slightly, just enough to look down at me, and he seems to know I’m talking aboutus. “I know,” he says quietly.

I look up at him, holding his gaze, the rain running down both of our faces. And I want so badly to just love him, for the world to be that simple. For that to be enough. I want to believe that it’s possible to let someone in without losing myself in the process.

Chapter 36

Ethan

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