Page 59 of Saving Destiny

Kodi takes pity on me when I can’t get the words out. He shakes his head. “I couldn’t maintain that hardness at the end because I started wishing I was inside you. I started wanting more than I was given.” His tone sounds more introspective than bitter. The experience definitely had an impact on him, and I wonder if he’ll stay solid longer the next time he shifts.

Feeling like I’m ignoring the vampire, I return my gaze to Avery. The vampire pecks me on the lips, and I worry that reading my mind. “Don’t fret,mon trésor. I share well and don’t require your full attention. I’m not insecure where that is concerned.”

I immediately mourn his warmth and closeness when he rolls off the bed, but he doesn’t leave my side for long. He finds his way to my private bathroom with little difficulty and returns with a wet cloth. I accept it, push away my embarrassment, and clean myself. He returns it to the laundry hamper in my bathroom before rejoining me in bed. We’re still naked when he pulls me close against his body and lifts the blankets to cover our cooled bodies. He radiates more heat than I expected, but nothing about him resembles the vampires I’ve heard about.

Avery places tender kisses on my face while my hand idly traces the raised scars on his back. “I regret nothing in my life because it has brought me to you, Zosia,” he whispers. “I can’t imagine being a normal vampire without a heartbeat. It pounds with desire and love for you, and I am thankful that I can feel it.”

The mention of love surprises me, but I understand that my reaction stems from unfamiliarity He’d said earlier that his life belonged to me. What is an admission of love compared to that? I rest snugly against his lean frame, but my outstretched arm remains close to Kodi’s charged energy. I’m accustomed to feeling his buzz at night; it’s a nice counterpoint to Avery’s calm tranquility.

A fierce yawn surprises me, and both men smile with amused tenderness.

“Sleep,” Avery commands and places a light kiss on my nose. My eyes drift closed, as if he’s placed a spell on me with the word.

My body and libido is satisfied, although I feel an unfamiliar ache in strange places, and my heart is content. The men in my bed are perfect. I couldn’t ask for more, except for Kodi to retain his solidity longer. The wish and the image of Avery’s tattooed wings accompany me as I fall asleep.

Chapter 31

Kodi

The vampire doesn’t require as much sleep as a human, but he passes out at Zosia’s side soon after her. I don’t blame him. If I’d attained the same levels of pleasure and comfort with the woman I loved, I’d sleep like a log too.

My mind is still struggling to sort reality from fantasy. Part of that includes whether I have the ability to feel emotion. I’ve retained a close duplication of them, but the experience isn’t the same. I remember the physical stimuli that accompanied my thoughts and emotions. Fear might be partnered with a rapid pulse, sweating, or a sense of impending doom. Desire usually involves an erection for men; sadness needs tears … and so on. My emotions are less potent because I lack the physical reactions.

When I began flickering in and out while Zosia and Avery had sex, the comparison was striking. My brain was a jumble of thoughts, and I felt the shadow imitations of lust, affection, and a vague sense of envy. During my seconds of solidity, though, every sensation became amplified by a hundred. My ghostly lust was nothing compared to the desire and hunger I wrestled with when corporeal. I wasn’t entirely confident I could get an erection, but the experience defied logic. Turned vampires don’t have blood pumping through their veins either, but they still manage to get erections and fuck according to everything we’ve heard.

I sigh silently with confusion, and the rambling questions make me restless. I usually remain at Zosia’s side, but Avery will stay with her tonight. I need to talk to someone, and she needs all the sleep she can get before opening day.

If I were real, my pulse would be pounding as I float toward the brothers. I’m hesitant to intrude, but I should start thinking about them the same way I think about Zo. They’re my family now, even if the family dynamic is strange and somewhat kinky. Or maybe I need to get out more …? What could be stranger or more fucked up than a father who wants his teenage son to impregnate an unwilling supernatural child? I’ll take this lot any day over my old man. He’d let Addington experiment on his wife and children, then treated his family like his slaves.

I’m not surprised to find the shifter in the gym. It’s not as late as I thought, although it seems like a lot of time has passed. Rivulets of sweat trickle down Garrett’s shirtless torso. The musculature he manages to maintain is almost obscene. I’m positive I’m heterosexual, but I’m still impressed by Garrett’s form, Bren’s handsome features, and Avery’s ethereal beauty. The only one I lust after is Zosia.

Although Bren’s body exists in the same room, I’m not sure that his mind is present. He’s bouncing on a huge exercise ball while staring into the distance. Does he see a changed future when something major happens? I can’t be confident that Zosia’s and Avery’s time together is a significant, time-altering event, but it felt like it at the time.

I’m glad the brothers aren’t bonding because I would have hated interrupting. Then again, I’m not sure what bonding looks like between brothers. Garrett notices me first, but he doesn’t lose his fierce concentration as he lifts a massive barbell. It must weigh a ridiculous amount, and the muscles of his shoulders, arms, and back seem to enlarge. I’m reluctantly captivated by the sight.

He’s also not as hairy as I assumed all shifters to be. His broad chest is mostly smooth except for a light trail from his navel to his gym shorts. Zosia prefers smooth-chested men, so it’s good that he’s not a bear. Thinking about and knowing what she desires is weird, but it’s not new. I’ve always known she would eventually find a partner; at least they’d let me watch.

Garrett grunts in my direction, and I assume it’s meant to be a greeting. He hoists the loaded bar above his head and drops it back to the floor like I saw on the sports channel once. I wince at the impact it makes, imagining the whole thing smashing through the floor. Instead, the library protects her floors with thick cushions; she might also affect the gravity because I swear the bar bounces slightly. What would it feel like to lay on those soft mats … to bounce on the ball like Bren is doing? Envy pricks me and I scold myself. Why do I want the weirdest things?

After Garrett wipes the sweat from his face and takes a swig of something that looks bright purple, he turns his attention to me. Bren remains lost in thought, and I doubt he noticed me enter.

“I felt that rush of energy again. I’m assuming our sphinx is no longer a virgin?” Garrett’s tone is deliberately cautious, and I don’t know if his concern is for him or me. Even though his question isn’t loud, Bren’s head whips up. His strangely pale eyes pierce me.

“You assume correctly,” I tell them as I pretend to sit on one of the benches. “Avery treated her well, though. He made her first time really good.”Goodwas a poor description for the ecstasy I witnessed, but anything else would make me sound like the vampire.

“How do you know?” This time, Garrett’s tone sounds tight with control as he represses his darker emotions and his beast. I can relate to his jealousy because I’ve felt it for years in some way or another. I know what it’s like to think about the woman he loves or desires with another man.

“They let me watch,” I reply in a casual tone. It’s not a big deal for ghostly me because I’ve been a voyeur since my death. I’ve drifted in and out of peoples’ private lives a hundred times and chanced upon numerous strangers having sex. It’s not like I go looking for it, either. In the mostly magicless city where the orphanage is located, I’d happen upon it whenever I drifted through a random wall or into a darkened corner. The magicless fuck constantly and I wonder if it makes them feel magical for a brief time.

I intentionally avoided supernaturals before coming to the academy; I thought they’d all be able to see me but only a few can. It seems like a waste of my talents to stay at the library, but I’ll settle for spying indoors.

“They let you watch?” Garrett enunciates each word carefully.

“Yes, I’d told Zosia I wanted to and Avery didn’t care. He says he doesn’t mind sharing. My body came and went while I watched. It was really fucking hot, but I only felt super horny when my entire body was hard.” My thoughts twist together and I start to ramble. “I’m confused. I don’t have any blood in my veins. How can I get an erection without a pumping heart? And sometimes I feel my heart beat, too. Do turned vampires have blood in their veins? If their heart doesn’t beat, how do they get it up?”

I pause and shake my head. “I connected a few dots, though. My emotions are a hundred times stronger when I’m solid enough to manifest physical symptoms – like getting hard or breathing fast even though there’s no air in my lungs. Why would I need to breathe fast? Do vampires do that?” I shake my head again. “I’ve never compared myself to a vampire before, and I don’t know if I like it.”

Bren chuckles, drawing my attention back toward them. He’s scooted closer by using his heels to maneuver the ball across the room. Alive or dead, I would have fallen on my ass if I’d tried that. “A turned vampire’s heart might not beat loud enough for us to hear it but there is blood inside them. When they’re turned, they’re drained and refilled. That blood just circulates until they die, but it’s not enough to make their hearts beat noticeably. The blood they feed on doesn’t replenish them; it just stimulates their digestion. Something about the magic surrounding their resurrection keeps their first blood inside them. They are sterile. That’s a commonly known fact, and it’s why Avery is such an anomaly. The hormones controlling their autonomic and parasympathetic systems don’t respond the same way as a living human’s. Vampires maintain most bodily functions, though, especially younger vampires. That includes physical arousal. Ghosts actually share more commonalities with vampires than I realized. You’re both mostly dead, but I have no concept of how the form you inhabit is alike or unlike your dead body. You don’t bear the wounds of your death, and I think that might be different from vampires. It’s all very fascinating, and you might start by reading books on vampires. They should be on the supernatural sciences floor.”

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