Page 52 of Saving Destiny

Garrett sighs in obvious relief. Their worry is an example of the hatred they bear toward their father; they nearly shunned me to spite his plans. I don’t blame them for it because it’s not just personal. If Addington succeeds, there is more at stake than my happiness.

“I have the book you requested!” Gilly announces. No one is prepared for her abrupt arrival this time. The dishes rattle as Garrett’s knees hit the bottom of the table, and he releases my hand to catch his water glass before it topples over. The goblin’s expression is weirdly triumphant and gleeful as she drops a book beside me on the table.

I gasp when I see the picture on the cover and am so embarrassed I tarry a moment too long. My cheeks burn bright red as I hastily release Avery’s hand and shove the book into my lap, under the table, and out of sight. But I’m not quick enough. The goblin hovers nearby and can’t disguise the mischievous smile that curves her perfect lips. I consider throwing my fork at her and avoid looking at anyone else.

“You did that on purpose, you little … goblin …” I don’t actually want to call her names. In between her informational sessions for the past couple of days, she’s pestered me about endowing my guardians with the full power of the library. She insists that the fastest and most enjoyable way to accomplish this is tobed them. Her euphemism made me wonder if she has a secret penchant for reading historical romances. My mouth had replied without my brain’s permission, as it often does, and vaguely expressed one of my concerns regarding her plans. She’d insisted that she’d bring me something that would reassure me. At the time, I’d just been glad the conversation seemed to be over.

Now, she ignores the threat of death in my gaze and titters as she disappears. I stare at my plate again, afraid to look up. Did they see the book? What are they thinking? I consider running but decide not to be a coward. I have to stay and deal with the fallout.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Garrett’s huge hands clenching the table. The veins are nearly standing out in his forearms, and I’m surprised the wooden plank doesn’t protest his abuse. I’m too embarrassed to glance behind me, but I sense Bren’s amusement. Avery is more than confused, and a quick peek at Kodi indicates that my best friend can’t decide which emotion to settle on. He’s torn between intrigue, irritation, and laughter.

“I seem to be missing something important,” the vampire comments in a dry tone.

I pity him, but I can’t make my lips form an explanation. I stare at my plate as if the green beans will offer an answer.

“Since the beautiful sphinx is too flustered to explain, I’ll help out,” Kodi proclaims helpfully. He’s decided on humor for the moment and I shift my glare to him but he seems unperturbed. “Gilly just delivered a book Zo must have asked for. I only caught a glimpse, but it appears to be a book of – sex positions?” Kodi’s voice thickens. I blink in surprise when he appears to flicker for the briefest second – so quickly that I think I imagine it. His amusement at my discomfort appears to take precedence over whichever thought solidified him, though, and he remains incorporeal.

“Thank you that oh so helpful explanation, boo,” I manage to say through gritted teeth, and my embarrassment makes the words sound more angry than I actually feel. Avery deserves the information, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so mortified. Bren returns to his chair, clapping his brother on the back as he goes. Garrett remains as still as a statue and barely seems to register his sibling’s movement or touch.

I pick up my water glass to stall and wet my dry throat while I attempt to push past the distress that assails me. I’m so aware of the book that it feels like a three-hundred pound paperweight on my thighs. My empty water glass makes a thud when I set it back down.

“Gilly has been very vocal in her opinion that I need to bond with all of you,” I start. The words tumble rapidly out of my mouth with my haste to be done with the situation. “She says it will make my role and your roles easier and make the library happy. Although there are several ways to complete the bond, she insists that having sex with you is the most efficient way. I might have said something about my … um … legs and I might have mentioned that I was concerned they would make some positions … difficult. She said she would bring me something. I didn’t know it was a book and I especially didn’t know she’d drop it on me during dinner.” My fingers tremble as my fork pushes the food around my plate.

The men’s stunned silence makes me frown. Haven’t they considered this? I can sit without any issues, but I’ve always wondered whether I’d be relegated to having sex in the missionary position for my entire life. I can’t be on my hands and knees and straddling a man might be a challenge as well, depending on where we are and how my legs bend. My cheeks flame impossibly brighter as the images form in my mind. I attempt to push them away; we are in the middle of dinner.

“Anyway …,” I say after a tense moment, “let’s eat.”

“Hold on just a minute.” Garrett’s voice is deeper than usual, and his gentle tone prevents me from taking my intended bite. Silently, I groan. Can’t we just rewind the last few minutes and forget about it? My fingers tighten around my fork as I wait for his words. “This is something you’ve been concerned about?”

“Of course,” I mutter defensively as I stare at my plate. “I’m far from athletic. I can’t kneel or sit back on my heels. I’m afraid being with me will be boring.”

“Never,” Avery replies with such conviction that I’m inclined to believe him immediately. Warmth floods through me at his certainty.

“I agree with Avery that you shouldn’t worry about being boring.” Bren’s words distract me from the vampire’s intense gaze. I can’t determine the mage’s thoughts. He appears thoughtful, but there’s something deeper that I can’t determine. I doubt he’s a virgin despite his social ineptness, although I realize that it’s unfair to assume he’s not just because he’s hot. “What's most important is that you tell us if anything pains you or causes you discomfort.”

“This conversation causes me discomfort,” I mutter before my brain can prevent me from saying the words aloud. I follow the comment up with a sigh. “I realize communication is important, but I’m not very good at it.” My pain has decreased since I started working in the library, so I don’t see that being an issue. The part of me that has probably read too many judgmental articles on the subject thinks that we’re still strangers and shouldn’t be jumping into bed. This isn’t a normal situation, however, as they constantly tell me. I desire every one of them, and I hate that they can’t go elsewhere even if the thought fills me with murderous rage that is completely inappropriate.

Bren’s face hasn’t changed from its serious expression. “It’s about to get more difficult and uncomfortable,” he warns. Garrett shoots Bren a worried look, but his brother doesn’t seem to notice. “I feel bad keeping this from you so I have to tell you. Addington forced women upon us in an effort to teach us control. The women were mostly willing, but some were coerced or blackmailed into it which is just as bad. I feel only shame and regret regarding this, but we didn’t have a choice.”

Garrett’s hands clench into fists in his lap, and he refuses to meet my eyes. I should probably feel disgusted, but my first thought is one of sympathy. According to Bren, he and Garrett were victims alongside the women their father brought to them. The library verifies his truth. Leaning forward, I gently grasp one of Garrett’s hands. He flinches away from my touch at first, but I don’t pull away. Eventually, he relaxes the tiniest bit.

“There’s so much baggage in this room that it’s starting to feel like an airport,” Kodi remarks drily. I want to snap at him for acting callous, but his comment seems to provoke Garrett to speak.

“Bren speaks the truth,” he murmurs. “In short, you’re not the only one who has worries.” His dark eyes lift to meet mine and I sense his shame as keenly as his brother’s. “But we’re in this together like we talked about earlier.”

“I, of course, was massacred during the prime of my life,” Kodi drawls. “That makes me an eternal virgin. There weren’t any opportunities to meet women while I was trapped in the dungeons of hell.”

The ghost is trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t know if this is what Gilly intended. Perhaps she thought the book would spur a romantic talk, but she hadn’t factored in my guardians’ unique histories. It was more likely that it did exactly what she wanted – getting us to talk was the first step. I feel better knowing I’m not alone even if my guardians’ hang-ups seemed more emotional than physical.

“Can’t you be serious for a second?” Garrett asks Kodi, but it’s not as biting as it might have been a day or so ago.

“I can,” Kodi says and I brace myself for more jokes. “I wasn’t interested in dating anyway. My life was miserable and I didn’t have time for hooking up. I was preoccupied with surviving. I also happened to be in love with a girl who was way too young for me.”

Jealousy pierces my chest. “You were?”

Kodi rolls his eyes and releases a heavy, airless sigh. It still manages to convey his exasperation. “Yes, you dork – you.”

My cheeks flare again as Avery’s lips tilt with humor. Garrett still seems lost in thought and I squeeze his hand before finally trying to eat my food. I really hope the conversation is over because I’ve had far too much embarrassment for one night.

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