Page 42 of Saving Destiny

Zo hovers in front of me like one of the goblins, barely flapping her wings. The lack of effort required to maintain her position confirms my assumption that the library is aiding her efforts. Her golden eyes seem larger than usual. “It wasn’t like the tether. It was like the mornings. Your body was solid and in color for nearly a minute. It happened so fast, but it was definitely real.”

Did my hair actually ruffle in the breeze then? What was that pain in my chest? I stare at her in disbelief. We hadn’t been touching each other which disproves the theory that she was somehow causing my form to solidify.

“We saw it too!” Bren shouts to us. The atrium isn’t large, but he has to raise his voice because sound echoes strangely. Zo glides closer to the others, and I follow numbly. “What were you thinking about?” the mage asks me as he bounces on his toes.

“Zosia, you can land here,” Garrett tells the sphinx as he taps the railing beside him.

I’d never noticed the strangeness of the balcony railings. Not only are they thicker than usual, but large pedestals are placed in even intervals along their lengths. The surface of the pedestals boasts a leather cushion for protection and comfort, and the library’s ingenuity distracts me from the mysteries of my existence. The library provides its sphinx librarians with landing pads. Amazing.

Zo eyes the small surface warily, circling twice before she angles down. She winces when her talons instinctively dig deeply into the leather to secure her landing. I’m positive that’s the purpose of the leather, however. The leather takes the brunt of her claws to protect the railings’ ancient, etched designs and hidden runes.

The sphinx wobbles for a moment, her wings extending to balance her weight before she’s secure on her perch. I notice Garrett lurch forward in that time, but I hope she doesn’t see it. She wouldn’t want help because she’s enjoying being independent.

Her body seems to relax with relief at the rest, and her wings fold against her back as she sits on her haunches. For a brief second, her behavior reminds me of a house cat. I don’t know how I’ll feel if she starts licking herself.

“So?” Zo prods impatiently. “What were you thinking about?”

I frown. What was I thinking about right before my hair moved and something stabbed my chest? When I remember, I’m almost happy for my ghost form because I might have blushed otherwise. These new, stronger emotions are unnerving. “I was just watching you and noticing how happy you were. Then I thought about how beautiful you looked. You’re beautiful all the time, but when you’re not sad, you glow.” I pause and shrug, unsettled by all the attention on me. “For the briefest moment, I was glad I didn’t go away when I died. If I did, I wouldn’t get to fly alongside you or see you like that … like this ….” She’s still glowing.

Bren exhales loudly, and I prepare myself for a quote. Surprisingly, he doesn’t spout one. “The past doesn’t matter except for how it affects the present. It makes perfect sense. You have to accept your current state and your death. You have to find peace with being a ghost.” Bren’s pale eyes bore into me. Not for the first time, I notice how ancient his gaze appears sometimes. He acts like a kid most of the time, but inside him is a very old soul. It appears on occasion.

My brow furrows as my frown deepens. “That can’t be it. I’ve been dead for seven years. In all that time, I must have accepted that I’m a ghost.”

Bren doesn’t blink. “But have you ever been happy about it?”

I shake my head because I don’t even need to think about it. I’ve never been happy to be a ghost. I get a brief thrill when I scare the piss out of deserving idiots, but I’m constantly reminded that I can’t participate in life. I’m on the outside looking in. I lack every sense but sight and sound, and it’s the senses I lack that make life pleasurable and enjoyable.

“While I agree with Bren, I believe there’s more to it. I’m positive that your physical state depends on your thoughts and Zosia’s. She is your anchor to this plane,” the vampire interjects softly. Sometimes, I forget his presence because he can be so quiet. “What were you thinking about when Kodi flickered?” He directs his question to the sphinx instead of me.

“I was kind of thinking the same as him – not that I’m pretty,” she amends quickly, and I’m surprised when color doesn’t rush into her face. Something about her sphinx form makes her less likely to blush, and I wonder what it is. “But I was thinking that I was happy he's here with me. Sometimes, when I look at him, I can’t let go of the guilt that he died because of me. There’s so much fault and blame wrapped up in that, mostly directed at myself. For that second, though, I was just grateful that he’s here with me. Whether he's a ghost or not doesn't matter.”

I stare at Zosia while she speaks, and I’m surprised she doesn’t catch her lips on her sharp teeth. Although the pitch of her voice is a little lower, she doesn’t speak with the lisp that vampires sometimes get when their fangs extend. It’s probably because her teeth aren’t any bigger, just sharper. A recollection of her as a young sphinx, spitting and hissing like a feral furball, almost makes me smile.

When she shifts into a sphinx, her fierceness automatically appears. This hasn’t changed despite the trials she's endured. I remember admiring her bravery even though she was so little and so scared. I remember wishing I could be more like her. When I first saw her in that underground cell, I already knew, although I couldn’t admit it, that I no longer wanted to do my father’s bidding. The strange hybrid continued to fight even after she’d suffered years of pain and torture. Her tenacity gave me the strength to defy my father and save her. It’s only a matter of time before she starts displaying the same ferocity even when she’s bound to her wheelchair. It’s who she is at her core.

“Why didn’t he crash to the floor if he turned solid?” Garrett asks, and it’s an excellent question. It’s far better than the questions I might have asked.

“He’s still a ghost,” Bren laughs. “He’ll always be a ghost. No spell or magic can bring the dead back to life, not without horrifying consequences.” He shudders. I agree, even though I only have fictional accounts to fuel my imagination. “We can ask Fin if we’re right about him accepting his fate, but I doubt the library has many books on ghost rules. We might have to make them up as we go.” Bren shrugs. “It’s just another thing that makes our group unique.”

“You mean weird,” I correct. “We’re all weirdos.” I’m surprised to realize that I like the idea of not being the only one who doesn’t follow the rules of nature. We’ve discussed Zo’s hybrid nature and Avery’s born vampire status extensively. Bren is a mage with wild magic, and he can see the future but insists the future doesn’t matter – that’s definitely weird. As for the griffin ….

“Speak for yourselves,” Garrett grunts.

I cock my head at him. “Well, I wasn’t going to call you out, but now I will. You’re supposed to be an alpha, but a sphinx and a mage both have you wrapped around their little fingers. Weird or not?”

The massive brute glares at me, which I expected, but it holds less anger than I thought it would. Zosia’s wings ruffle with discomfort, but Bren’s lips twitch with a smile.

“Shall we continue?” Zosia asks when Garrett starts walking up the stairs without saying anything.

I shoot into the air again, silently congratulating myself on a victory against the griffin. He’ll get me back, but someone needs to reveal his mushy heart because he’s still too stiff to do it.

Zo struggles to make a U-turn on the small landing pad, and I decide there are advantages to being a ghost. She needs to turn her body all the way around to avoid launching herself into the bookshelves or clipping her wings on the balcony. I can fly with zero effort, float through walls, and I won’t feel any pain if the bodybuilder tries to punch me.

I just need to find happiness in being a ghost, huh? Although I recognize the benefits of not having a solid body, I’ve spent the last seven years wallowing in negativity and self-pity as I spiraled downward into depression. Completing a U-turn on my attitude is going to require loads more effort than Zo needs to turn around. I’ve spent years thinking that I’m useless, hopeless, and powerless. One happy moment isn’t capable of erasing an entire way of thinking.

Chapter 24

Zosia

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