Page 37 of Saving Destiny

“Yes. Now, about that vampire bite …,” Kodi prods.

“What about it?” I respond defensively. “You knew he was going to bite me. He was really hungry. Evidently, vampires can transmit pleasure magic to the people they bite, but I asked him not to, so he didn’t.”

“But …?”

Kodi is the most stubborn ghost I’ve ever met. Granted, he’s the only ghost, but I doubt that few specters are as relentless as he is. He won’t drop the subject, and he’s going to make me say it aloud. I square my shoulders and attempt to act like the adult I’m supposed to be now. “But … I’ve been horny for days, maybe for years. It felt so amazing that I had an orgasm. Are you happy now?” My face burns.

Kodi floats closer. He’s only inches away, but I can’t decipher all of the emotions in his expression. The one I don’t see is judgment. “You orgasmed from his bite? Where did he bite you? Did he touch you, too?”

The authentic awe and curiosity in his voice erase some of my shame, and I suddenly want to confide in him. “Yes. He bit my wrist, and no, he didn’t touch me otherwise. I barely needed to touch myself.”

Kodi whistles low with appreciation. “All of this time, I thought the rumors were pure bullshit. I think I knew the energy rush was because of an orgasm, but I needed to know for sure.” Something within his cool, gray gaze reminds me of the moments he’s corporeal as if a flicker of color is seconds away from appearing. “Can I watch next time?”

“What?” I blurt with surprise. “Are you serious?” He doesn’t laugh it off like I expect. “You really want to?”

His head ducks quickly before his eyes recapture mine. “Yes … no … I think so? Maybe I shouldn’t because I can be bitter, jealous, and somewhat of an asshole myself, but I want to. It might be the closest I’ll get to you. I can’t feel the physical effects of desire, but I just know that I’d desire you if I could. I feel the desire to desire you.” His grin is lopsided, but it fades as he shrugs. “Maybe I can be content living vicariously through the others.”

My emotions waffle between deep longing, sadness, and a pity that I’ll never reveal. “I don’t mind if you watch, but Avery needs to give his permission, too. I can ask him before the next time. You know I’ve always found you attractive, even without color, so having you there but unable to touch you will be just as wonderful and horrible for me.”

The ghost’s throat bobs noticeably as he swallows, and I’m surprised for the millionth time at how frequently he indulges in a living human’s actions that don’t serve a purpose in this form. I’ve wondered whether they’re automatic habits he carried into death or subconscious attempts to mimic the living. I doubt he knows why he still engages in them.

He floats backward, breaking the moment of tension between us. “All right, now that is settled,” he says resolutely. “Why are you still hiding in here again? Something about your wardrobe? If you don’t come out soon, the others might think the vampire killed you.”

I snort. “All of you would feel it if I died just like you felt … wait a minute. This isn’t settled. You felt a burst of energy. Does this mean that every single time I orgasm, you’ll all feel it?”

Kodi’s grin is naughty. “That’s what it seems like, princess. So … if we’re all hanging out in the common room watching football and you’re taking a bath ….”

He dodges the pillow I hurl toward him. “Football,” I repeat with a snort. I can’t imagine Bren or Avery watching a bunch of magicless brutes giving each other concussions over a ball. “Anyway, that’s just weird and uncalled for. I should have privacy,” I mutter aloud, but my thoughts are elsewhere. If four handsome men have signed a contract saying I’ll serve their needs, I shouldn’t be serving myself. I push the thought away before I lose focus again.

“Yes, I’m having wardrobe issues. I want to shift today, but I want my boobs covered this time. I have a bunch of shirts that have holes for my wings, but I dress in my human form and my clothes disappear when I shift.”

“That seems like an easy fix. Just have one of the guys put the shirt over your head after you shift. I wasn’t around much yesterday, but I distinctly remember furry breasts, so it’s not as if you’re naked. Also, isn’t it so weird that you still have your breasts and your face with the body of a lion?” He pauses deliberately, and the intense look on his face suggests he’s considering one of the universe’s most important mysteries. “Will you let them kiss you while you’re a sphinx?”

I roll my eyes with a dramatic sigh, but I’m just teasing him. Of course, I’ve wondered the same thing. “You’re thinking like a magicless human,” I tease while I consider my answer. “I’m sure the shifter community thinks differently; it’s not the same as bestiality. Although it’s difficult to accept, the most objectionable factor regarding humans and animals engaging in sexual acts is the lack of consent. Animals can’t consent so it’s basically rape.” Thinking about it makes me a little nauseous, but I’m trying to look at the matter objectively. I think Kodi feels the same as me because his face contorts.

“It’s likely that a lot of shifters have sex in animal form, and it probably happens more often than we think. Because I was raised with the magicless, it would be weird for me. I’m also a hybrid which changes all the rules. I might let them kiss me but just a quick peck. Anything more sexual will feel squicky.”

“Squicky? Another invented word?”

“Probably,” I reply with a laugh. “It means squeamish, squirmy, and icky all together. Even though I can think about it objectively, it would still feel a little wrong. It would also feel wrong to ask someone to dress me. I’m not a doll.”

“I didn’t say you were. I’m simply offering you options. Another one is not wearing a shirt at all or shifting now. I don’t think your furry breasts look like nakedness, but Garrett might bust a vein if you don’t wear one of the special shirts. He’s already freaking out thinking about you with one of us. If a complete stranger starts ogling your boobs, furry or otherwise, he might explode.”

I reach for a second pillow, but he throws up his hands and scowls. “Don’t throw another one at me. I barely dodged the last one. Don’t blame me for the shifter’s jealousy, either, princess. It’s not my fault that the truth is hard to hear.” Kodi has always hated the sensation of objects flying through his ghostly form. He says it gives him the chills. He also has every right to protest.

“You’re such a pain in my butt,” I mutter. “But you’re also right. Sorry, boo.” I sigh. “I’ll want to wear a shirt when we open just for me. I know my boobs are furry, but it still kind of feels like I’m half-naked. Shifters don’t wear clothes, though.”

“What were you just saying about being a hybrid in regard to the rules? They’re different for you. You’re different, Zo, and you need to remember that. You’re the only sphinx in the world, but you happen to work on Apocrypha’s campus. The academy caters to the wealthiest and most entitled brats of the next generation of supernaturals. Every dude is going to act like a spoiled asshole and every girl is going to be prissy and snobby. You’ll get dirty looks regardless of how rare and powerful you are or what you wear. Instead of worrying about clothes, you should focus on thickening your skin in two days’ time.”

Although his lecture isn’t without compassion, it conveys a hard truth. I’ve purposely avoided thinking about these aspects of my position. I’m currently working on a plan to save the magicless community from the supernatural villains’ plan to create an army of enhanced babies. This should grant me an exclusion from high school or college drama, but it doesn’t. I’ll be required to interact with the most entitled young adults in the country, some of whom might be accompanied by their equally snobby parents. The library isn’t just a campus institution; its resources belong to the supernatural population as a whole.

I straighten my spine and grab one of the special shirts from the bottom drawer. The first step is one that the library herself told me. I need to have faith in my guardians, which includes not restricting my actions because I fear their judgment. My scars might be visible in this shirt, but I need to trust that they won’t mock me. They are my allies, not my enemies, and the five of us need to present a united front when we face the world. We can’t do that if I hold us back.

Chapter 22

Zosia

Idrop my towel to the floor and don’t bother covering myself while I put the shirt on. Kodi doesn’t look away, and I almost regret causing him frustration. It’s cruel to tease him like this, but it is my bedroom. I trust the ghost, and Avery’s compliments, or perhaps the orgasm, gave me courage, but my hands still tremble.

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