Page 43 of Saving Destiny

Bren makes it sound so easy, as if we're in Neverland instead of Oz. Just think a couple happy thoughts and you’ll fly! In this case, Kodi just needs to think happy thoughts to become corporeal. I know how difficult it is to change an entire mindset, though. Changing one’s mind isn’t as easy as changing one’s clothes.

I continue to dwell on the subject while I flip my body around on the cushioned pedestal. Flying is mostly instinctual, and I’m enjoying every second, but some details still need to be puzzled through.

“Huh ….” I don’t realize I’ve spoken the word aloud until everyone turns to face me. I’m getting used to being the center of attention for these men. Other men would be different, but I used to hate anyone looking at me. Some of my ease is because I’m in sphinx form. I feel confident and strong despite my crooked hind legs.

“Huh?” Kodi prods me with a sly smile as he hovers nearby.

My feathers rustle. Shaking my wings is as intuitive as shrugging my shoulders. Although I’m still learning it, my sphinx form possesses a unique body language that is mostly involuntary. “I was just thinking about this morning. You were solid until I started thinking about our shared past. The second I started feeling guilty that you died because of me, you turned back into your wispy ghost form. You said you weren’t quite sleeping, so I doubt you were thinking anything at all. I think Avery’s right in that your physical state relies on both of us.”

The vampire doesn’t appear smug or condescending at my declaration, and my sphinx preens. He’s mine, my archaic shifter brain seems to say, but I remind myself that he’s mine in a non-possessive way. I don’t own him. My beast and human brains are the same, but being in this form seems to bring out the bolder, more primal aspects of my character.

Avery doesn’t speak as much as the others, and I know he weighs his words carefully. I also think he’s accustomed to being on the sidelines because of his nature and status. I hope that being here gives him the confidence he deserves.

“There is a bond between you,” the vampire says thoughtfully. “There is the obvious connection forged by the library contract, but there’s something stronger. It might have arisen from the life and death you shared. The power it holds might have prevented Kodi from passing into his afterlife. I think it’s vital that both of you release the guilt and blame you feel. Just one of you doing it won’t be enough.”

“It’s not that easy to ignore or forget. I was mauled to death at a young age because I chose to save someone I loved. I didn’t prevent her from being crippled for life before I saved her, and she still feels pain because of it. Releasing that?” Kodi shakes his head and wraps his arms around himself as if he’s cold.

My other guardians nod, even Garrett. They’ve swiftly accepted our circumstances, and they’re shouldering the ghost’s and my problems as if they are theirs, too. I can’t dwell on the emotions this realization creates because there are too many strange and new components in my life. I just add their empathy and team spirit to the growing list of surprising revelations and evolutions. Their feelings join my sphinx form, my new job, Kodi’s flickering solidity, the vampire’s bite and mate mark, and the library itself. I'm sure I'm forgetting a couple.

My time at the orphanage involved a monotonous drone of activities that never changed. I read books, spent time with Kodi, avoided our caretaker’s wrath, and completed my schoolwork when necessary. I’d thought myself content, but it was unbelievably boring when contrasted with my newfound circumstances.

I’m careful not to think too much. Thinking leads to overthinking, then panic, then overwhelming worries and insecurities. Bren might have been speaking nonsense earlier, but he had a point. I have to live in the present, not the past or the future. I need to take one day at a time. Sometimes, I need to take one hour at a time.

“Since it’s not easy enough to solve within minutes, let’s move on,” I sigh as I share a look with Kodi. “We’ll think more about this later,” I promise him, “but now we should fly to the top floor and meet this goblin.” My best friend nods, and I’m glad that he knows me well enough to understand I’m not shoving him aside. The factors pertaining to his solidity aren’t solvable in the limited time we have.

Although I’ve never been afraid of heights, my vantage point fills me with a thrill similar to fear. My limited mobility made it difficult to reach higher places, and it’s amazing how far away the floor is. The library is majestic from floor level. It’s no less amazing at this height, but it somehow seems larger when I view it from the middle. The inner atrium, which acts like a strange wind tunnel when I’m flying, is wider than I thought. The dome appears more colorful and more detailed the closer I get to it as well.

So many books … My mind couldn’t comprehend the number of them from below, and I can’t stop scanning the hundreds of shelves on each level. The sheer quantity seems impossible.

The floor we stopped on is dedicated to art: history, instruction, massive books with pages of exact replicas, artist biographies, et cetera. The balcony railings to either side of me are engraved with famous works of art that merge seamlessly into each other. I see a Van Gogh element swirl into a Picasso-like abstraction before morphing into a scene by an impressionist painter I can’t name immediately.

The design as a whole should appear random or disjointed, but it forms a masterpiece instead. Magical runes glow faintly within the center of the wood as if they were carved into a younger tree that continued to grow around the symbols. I doubt the common visitor can see the glyphs. Their vitality is powered by raw magic.

I’ve never been interested in art, but the balcony railing is so beautiful that it almost brings me to tears. I could spend hours examining every inch of the ancient carvings and sigils, but I don’t have the time. Perhaps if I live to be old and gray, I’ll be able to appreciate each balcony’s secrets. Not today, though.

“It should be easier to launch yourself off a pedestal than rise from the floor. Can you manage all right?” Garrett’s voice holds a touch of concern, and I realize I haven’t moved for several minutes while I inspected the railings. I've hesitated for so long that it's drawn Garrett back down the stairs to me.

The shifter’s mood has been unreadable since I exited my room, and my beastly instincts prod me to press my nose to his skin and inhale his scent like I did Avery’s. Despite the kiss we shared, however, I don’t think our relationship is at that point yet. That brief kiss seems like a memory from years ago instead of just a day or so. He keeps his distance when I’m in beast form, except for when he convinced me to help his brother. My human insecurities can list a million reasons why that might be, although my instincts claim that it’s the opposite. His beast likes mine too much.

I have finally maneuvered my body to face the atrium, but I grin at Garrett over my shoulder. I’m sure the smile is predatory, but the massive man doesn’t seem to mind. His eyes alight with something my sphinx tells me is appreciative eagerness, and my cat preens at the attention.

I focus on flying with difficulty, extending my wings to their full width. Thankfully, managing the braces and rotating the wheels of my chair have built strong muscles in my neck and upper back. These muscles control my wings, although the way they’re used is a little different. So far, though, flying has been much easier than walking.

Right before I launch myself off the pedestal, a gust of air spirals toward me through the center of the library. Everything about this building is tailored towards a sphinx’s needs, and today’s flight erases any lingering doubts about my birthright. I was born to be here. The pedestals are perfectly positioned to act as landing and launching pads, the atrium allows me to reach any floor without difficulty, and the library provides me with air currents that don’t typically exist inside buildings.

Perhaps the only thing I lack is a way to retrieve books without ripping them into shreds. I might be able to shift my hands into fingers again without losing my entire form, but rumors of partial shifts might also be urban legends or the province of expert shifters. I’ve only shifted twice in the last seven years, which means expert control isn’t in my repertoire. A voice in the back of my mind says this is what the goblins are for, and it makes perfect sense when I make the connection.

After my first successful liftoff, bending my forelegs instead of my hind legs for momentum feels natural. I’ll need to thank Kodi for the hint; he’d sensed my fears and prevented me from lapsing into self-doubt and worry. He forced me to focus on my strengths instead of my weaknesses. I can do the same for him once he makes a conscious decision to release the anger that’s been his constant companion since he died.

Although, I need to get revenge for all the thoughts of hairballs and mouse bones that will haunt me in my sleep. I realize he’s curious, but it was unnecessary. I’ll just have to throw something through him.

I’m flying again without conscious thought. Just like Garrett said, it’s much easier than springing into the air from the floor. For my next flight, I could climb the first set of stairs and launch myself from a pedestal on the second floor. The idea of stairs not being a monumental obstacle is refreshing.

With a lazy flap of my wings, I circle the open space and classify each floor’s motif. The information settles into that strange place in my mind that I’ve always possessed but only recently noticed – the one that acts like an internet search bar or card catalog. The visual images of the balconies and signs find their places next to the existing information, matching specific zones with their compartmentalized topics, subjects, and famous people. Although a few specialties merge out of necessity or connection, each level boasts a specific color and theme. The new details get added to the blueprint in my mind. Everything I learn will help me find books and materials more easily at the start of the term.

The top floor is clearly different from the others in every way. Its assigned color is black, and the color makes the shadows appear thicker. Although it’s the closest floor to the dome, the edges of the half-sphere don’t reach the stacks, and it makes the darkness seems more concentrated. The dome’s concave design eases my fears of clipping my wings on the ceiling, but the top level is also taller than the other floors.

Instead of recognizable images related to the theme, runes decorate the wooden balconies and floor planks. The symbols glow with orange fire in the darkened shadows. Ancient magic tickles my skin and causes my fur to stand on end, but it’s not a threat. Although it’s mysterious and unfamiliar, it’s still the library’s magic.

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