Page 40 of Saving Destiny

“It’s right here,” Bren replies cheerfully. “It’s just above her sixth toe in this form. Zosia will tell you what it means.” His look is pointed, but he has the right. I have an entire library inside my head so it makes sense for me to explain.

“It’s the Egyptian hieroglyph for a lotus or water lily. It resembles a fanned flower, and the lore states that different colors represent different meanings. The mark is gold and blue. The golden lotus represents death and rebirth, the sun, and creation. The blue shade …,” I trail away as my intuitive understanding pairs with the technical explanation. “I think the blue might refer more to Buddhist teachings than Egyptian mythos. It represents the triumph of wisdom over suffering.”

When Avery reaches for me, I offer him my paw without hesitation. His finger traces the symbol delicately, and his touch makes me shiver. The depth of the symbolism indicates that the universe, or destiny, or whatever created this mark knows me better than I know myself. Without considering it first, I send Avery a mental image of the mark, and a smile lights up his face. I almost lean forward to kiss him before I remember how pointy my teeth are. It’s probably not a good idea.

“That’s perfect for a vampire bond – rebirth and creation,” Bren breathes. “And for you ….” Bren stares at me, and I wait expectantly for a quote. I’m almost excited to hear it this time. “‘Whenever you should doubt your self-worth, remember the lotus flower. Even though it plunges to life from beneath the mud, it does not allow the dirt that surrounds it to affect its growth or beauty.’ There are so many quotes to choose from, but I think Suzy Kassem’s fits you best, little lioness. You are the lotus flower.”

I squirm with discomfort and glow with pride at the same time. My cat instincts almost lead me to preen as if I'm on display.

Bren’s expression turns mischievous. “I wonder if you’ll get a mark for each one of us.”

“What?” My paw slips from Avery’s grip and hits the floor silently while I struggle to stay upright, and my tail twitches with agitation. “Are you saying that I have four fated mates?” Unable to focus on any of the men in particular, especially when I see Garrett shift with discomfort, I continue my protest. “Mages don’t have fated mates. Neither do humans who were illegally tampered with to bear mage powers.”

“Ghosts,” Kodi sighs. “All you had to say was ghosts. Specters don’t have fated mates. Technically, I no longer have a fate, period. I’ve already lived it.”

“‘There are no rules of architecture for a castle in the clouds,’ Chesterton said.” Bren delivers his second quote with an easy smile and a shrug. “There are no rules that apply to us, you argumentative creatures. Now, let’s see you fly to the top of the castle.”

Sage is slightly amused at being compared to a castle, but Bren gets me back on track. I mentioned earlier that we were running out of time. I'll have to worry about mates and marks later.

Flying reminds me of freedom and peace, although I can’t recall the memories that might have created these emotions. I tilt my head back again, staring into the masterpiece of the stained-glass dome. My captors tried to carve my wings out of me, but they failed. Now, I’ll see if they still work.

Chapter 23

Kodi

Since I awoke as a ghost, I’ve been an outsider. I perpetually feel like I’m standing on a sidewalk and looking through the dirty storefront windows at someone else’s life. I can hear what’s happening inside the building, but I can’t smell or touch anything inside. People pass by me and occasionally through me as if I don’t exist, but I’m unable to walk away. Whatever makes me aware also understands that this is where I’m supposed to be.

The majority of the time that I’ve spent not alive but aware, I’ve wanted to smash those windows. I’ve pleaded with passers-by for a rock, a club, a brick, or anything capable of breaking the glass, but no one hears me.

After the first tether was slipped around my neck at the orphanage, I’d felt heard by someone other than Zo. I’d finally been granted access to the inside. It was almost too late when I realized the tether was dragging me off the sidewalk and the life that existed within the building. I hadn’t wanted to leave despite the daily frustrations of my afterlife.

When Zosia removed my tether and I signed the contract, I’d felt truly seen for the first time. Maybe being a guardian meant I could enter the building? But I remained on the sidewalk, even though the people inside started noticing me and talking to me. It only made the longing grow.

I’m grateful to Garrett and Avery for saving me after my recent idiotic mistake, but my reasons are petty. I didn’t want to give Walthers and Addington the satisfaction of a victory, no matter how small. Uncertainty still haunted me after I returned. Did I want this strange life of observation and watching? Did I want to remain on the outside looking in for an eternity?

Then, I felt Zosia’s touch. I recall the strange, semi-solid state I awoke into this morning, unlike the last time, but I’m still clueless about how to regain or retain it. The cause is probably Zosia’s magic, and it might have nothing to do with me. How or why she manifests my corporeal form while she’s sleeping is anybody’s guess, and the mystery brings me little comfort.

The caress of her fingertips on my face and the brush of her lips against my cheek persist like phantom twinges of reality hours later, though. Zosia is the one constant link between my life and this strange afterlife. I realized this morning that she’s been standing with me on the sidewalk this entire time. She isn’t tucked away inside the store where I can’t reach her; she’s waiting patiently while I rage against my circumstances.

I watch from above when Zosia shifts into her sphinx. The shirt she’d been so worried about neatly covers her torso and allows her wings easy clearance. Her majestic beast form is awe-inspiring, but it also provokes memories of our horrid youth. If I hadn’t helped our enemies imprison her, she could have shifted at any point in the last ten years. If I’d rescued her sooner, she wouldn’t need a wheelchair or those annoying braces. The guilt flays me.

In beast form, her injuries are less noticeable. Shifting sooner might have offered her some pain relief, but it's too late for that now. The right leg is slightly crooked and she walks with a rolling limp, but neither distracts from her majestic, albeit strange, beauty. In the wild, a lion with scars is a fighter and survivor. The same is true for Zo, and I could stand to learn from her. She’s struggled so much, but she keeps going.

When she sniffs the vampire and her fuzzy ears twitch, I want to scratch the top of her head and stroke her spine. She’d probably bite my hand off – if either of those actions were possible.

Her new tattoo is pretty, and I imagine what it will look like when she shifts back. Will it be gold and blue on her copper skin to match the color of her eyes? Bren’s quotes usually make me roll my eyes, but this one is perfect and seems plucked from my recent thoughts. I know he didn’t read my mind, and it serves to remind me that I'm no longer the only one who knows her now.

When the mage speaks casually about all four of us marking her, I follow up the sphinx’s objections with my own. My fate is decided – there’s nothing more to it. Last night, Zosia said she loved me. I love her, too, but it will remain platonic as long as I’m unable to touch her.

Admittedly, this isn’t my only fear. I know people can love others from afar or online, or they might love someone they can’t be with for various reasons. Our emotions aren’t unrequited or hidden anymore, but I’m worried I’ll fade away without any warning. What happens when the afterlife decides it made a mistake and belatedly harvests my soul? I might not have the chance to say goodbye before I disappear forever.You dolt,I tell myself,that’s what happens when living people die. She has no guarantee of saying goodbye to any of us.I know she’ll suffer when I fade, though, and I want to protect her.

Usually, I’d choose to drown myself in bitterness after seeing the mate mark, but I attempt to replace my usual emotions with happiness for the vampire and Zo. Avery is a good partner for her; he’s gentle but can be fierce when necessary. He might speak like a dork, but genuine care and respect supports his feelings for her.

I’m still wrestling with my stronger emotions when Zo’s extended wings steal my attention. The stubby wings hadn’t matured yet when she was captured and she couldn’t fly while underground, so this qualifies as her first attempt. It’s also the first time I’ve witnessed the majesty of her extra appendages.

The wings are proportional to her size. She's told me that magic has to be involved in flying because no amount of wingspan could lift a full-grown lion or whichever animals combine to create Garrett’s strange chimera beast. Hovering above her offers a unique view of the kaleidoscope of colors in her feathers. It’s almost dizzying.

I guess that both wings combined have five hundred feathers, and each one is a different color, even though that’s impossible. Varying shades of brown, gold, white, black, and red create a colorful tapestry. Coiled between her jutting shoulder blades, as if it’s precisely where it’s meant to be, is her thick braid of reddish-gold human hair. It’s shinier than her fur but otherwise matches her coloring. The shirt doesn’t look as ridiculous as we feared.

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