Page 31 of Saving Destiny

“I hate to think of you suffering, and it's not a competition as to who has endured more." Her voice rings with honesty but no admonition, even though she has the right. “Is it horrible that I sometimes wonder …?” Her question turns into silence, but I wait patiently. Her mannerisms imply that she’s unaccustomed to speaking to anyone but Kodi about important matters. I'm convinced that they converse in sarcasm and jokes more than seriousness.

“Hmm, I’m trying to decide how to say this. When I first realized that you were blind, I was almost relieved that you couldn’t see me. That doesn’t mean I want you to be blind, of course,” she adds hastily.

I squeeze her hands again. What I really want to do is touch her face, but I fear I might poke her in the eye or accidentally hurt her. I need her guidance to trace the curve of her cheekbones and mouth. I settle for holding her hands with only one of mine and trail my opposite hand up the sensitive skin of her forearm. I forge a path above the curve of her elbow and am pleased that fabric doesn't impede my exploration. The shiver of her response provokes a shock wave of unreasonable proportions inside me.

“You do not have to fear that I’ll misunderstand,mon trésor. As someone who also bears a visible malady, I believe I comprehend your meaning. Although I cannot see expressions as you do, I still sense the moment when an observer realizes that I’m blind or a born vampire. Their swift judgments typically appear in their auras, and I'm relieved not to see the echoes upon their faces. Although I cannot promise this, I would like to think that healthy vision wouldn't have caused me to regard you any differently the first time we met. Similar to your aura's magnificence, I am certain that your physical beauty outshines any perceived handicaps.”

Zosia struggles to accept my compliments, and I decide to ask for something that I’ve wanted since she shifted. “I realize this might be difficult for you, but I long to see your human form in the same way you transmitted the image of the sphinx to me. If this is too challenging, I understand, but I would consider it a great honor.” Her magical gift of renewed sight had blessed me for a wondrously brief moment. I regret not being able to offer her something equal in return.

“I was afraid you’d ask." The note of resignation in her voice betrays her insecurities. I understand that her reluctance doesn't stem from the idea of sharing herself with me; it’s the ignorance of others who have filled her head with lies. I despise every person who has caused her to fret over things she had no control over. She has power now, and I will teach her to wield it if she'll allow me.

“I will wait until you are ready to show me, whether that happens tomorrow or a decade from now. I am usually more patient than my current behavior suggests.”

Talk of the future increases her anxiety, which is something I also understand. She needs time to adjust to her changed life. I doubt that she harbored fond dreams of her future while trapped in an orphanage and unaware of her past or true identity. Similarly, I didn’t permit myself to hope or wish for anything while bound by Dighit’s contract of indentured servitude.

Zosia clears her throat, and my breath hitches as the thrum of her pulse increases its pace. “I’m stalling.”

My lips twist, but my amusement isn’t at her expense. “I am similarly guilty as I have delayed answering your question about expectations. You watched me bite Bren, yes?”

The intoxicating scent of her sudden desire combined with the sound of the chair shifting under her threatens every ounce of restraint I’ve forced upon myself.

My canines protrude further from my gums, and I grasp the wooden chair like a lifeline.As if her memory retrieves my own, I recall the taste of Bren’s blood. I genuinely liked the strange mage, and he’d tasted different from other mages. I’d once heard a magicless human describe the taste of cotton candy – airy but melting, sweet but tangy. No male had ever affected my body like Bren’s had because his willingness had intertwined with Zosia’s desire for both of us. She lusts after us equally and has since we entered her life.

Without permission, my lower body responds to the thought. Thankfully, my seated position hides the obvious reaction. Unlike some vampires, I’ve never struggled to separate bloodlust and sexual lust until I met this woman.

“Yes.” Her single word reply cracks tellingly, but she forges onward. “He didn't appear to be in any pain.”

Zosia’s unintentionally husky voice causes my canines to protrude fully. My cheeks burn, and I duck my head as embarrassment floods through me; the precipitous advance of my fangs is akin to premature ejaculation in the vampire world. I keep my face tilted away from her in the hopes that she won’t notice.

“He wasn’t,” I confirm, attempting to sound clinical rather than needy. “Numbing the pain is something I do for my partner automatically. Bren didn't request desire or pleasure, so I was careful not to send any to him."

The sphinx considers this while I practice patience and control. “You only numbed his pain? But both of you were ….” She doesn't finish her sentence. Instead, I hear her swallow hard. The sound is amplified because of our proximity, my heightened senses, and the complete protrusion of my canines. They function as an extra set of sensory organs for most vampires, and I realized as a young boy that mine were more perceptive than other vampires.

I’d scented Bren’s lust when I’d fed from him, but I hadn’t realized we'd both displayed visible arousal. This further explained why Zosia had been so affected. I force a casual tone. “Even when I don’t transmit desire, the intimacy of the act sometimes creates it. I feel obliged to warn you that I will most certainly be affected because I already desire you. However, I will maintain control.” When the words ring with a touch of falseness, I flinch. I only meant to reassure Zosia again, but the library shamed me. True honesty is a frightening beast. “I have never lost control before,” I amend. While this statement resounds with the truth, it's not a promise of anything similar.

She inhales shakily. “Maybe we should stop talking. I’d appreciate the numbing of the pain, but please don't send me any desire. I’ve been turned on for days, and purposefully adding fuel to the fire seems highly unnecessary.”

My lips twitch as I nod with understanding. She might not intend on being so forthcoming, but the library's influence has complicated our speech and intentions since we signed our contracts. Although I welcome her honesty, it magnifies the ache in my groin and gums. The sudden spike of fear that accompanies her desire is the only factor that reminds me to maintain control over my urges.

“One last warning then. If you feel overwhelmed or wish me to stop at any point, don’t pull away. Your body will instinctively wish to do so, but predators enjoy chasing their prey. I might accidentally wound you if you disengage too quickly. There’s a slight chance I might not hear your objections, either. The most effective way to stop me or get my attention is to tap me on the cheek – right here, where the canines are under the skin. Do you understand?” I infuse my instructions with critical importance and wish I could more easily gauge her comprehension.

“I understand,” she replies aloud after her aura quivers with a nod.

I edge closer to her and position one of her legs between mine, but I'm careful not to touch her with my hands because I sense her self-consciousness. My physical senses only comprehend warm flesh and lean thighs that have less muscle tone than her upper arms. Our increased proximity causes my heart to beat faster.

As a young boy, I’d been fascinated by the differences between myself and turned vampires – especially while feeding. They didn’t have to endure the pound of a racing heartbeat or the roar of blood within their ears while they dined. Additionally, they had no need for breath. I’d nearly passed out during my first feedings until I’d learned how to modulate my breathing while sucking.

Zosia’s skin feels like expensive silk against my fingertips as I slowly lift her wrist to my mouth. Her human scent evokes thoughts of decadent treats, sunny days of freedom and delight as a child, and cozy evenings by the fireplace with a good book. The scent of her sphinx thrums like a bass drum beneath it all. I’d been commanded to feed on shifters before; it had been punishment for them and me. Their animalistic odor had repelled me, and I worried the sphinx's would be similar. The difference is staggering. Zosia’s animal does the opposite. It draws me closer because it reminds me of magic and wisdom, two aspects I’ve always revered and respected.

I steel my nerves and maintain tight control over my body as my canines secrete the numbing solution. The slide of my tongue along her inner wrist feels more intimate than it ever has before, even though I’ve licked and bit skin that is generally considered more private.

Zosia’s unique aura flares and vibrates until it eclipses my strange vision. The golden heat of her energy is similar to the sun's embrace without the blistering fire. The taste of just her skin makes my head spin, and my canines throb with the pulse of blood in my nether regions. My heartbeat syncs with hers involuntarily.

My sharp teeth break her skin with a slight popping noise, and I hear her nearly inaudible gasp. When the first drop of her blood dances upon my tongue, I am lost. She tastes like molten gold – bright, heavy, and pulsing with magic and power. Alcohol makes me ill, but I imagine the magicless seek to achieve this state when they drink too much or pollute their body with illicit drugs. It is pure euphoria. I feel intoxicated but also powerful. I can conquer the world and our enemies with her by my side.

The taste of her, combined with the whimpers of desire she tries to silence, tempts me to draw her to the floor and explore the curves and lines of her body. I long to sink my throbbing cock as deeply into her wet warmth as my fangs sink into her wrist. The pulse of her desire and the sounds escaping her indicate she feels similarly. Her grip on my shoulder seeks to draw me closer rather than push me away, but I don't surrender to my base desires. The battle against them is forged wholly from my need to always protect her, even from myself.

Drinking from Zosia, a legendary sphinx and my mate, is akin to sipping at the fountain of life, youth, and the source of all magic. Her blood tastes like the fire of stars and the whirl of the infinite cosmos. If any other vampire knew … wars would be fought over her, and she’d be imprisoned again.

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