Page 40 of From Best To Bested

“He doesn’t force me to do anything,” Roman hissed, his chest feeling like it might erupt with a rage he’d long since learned to bury underneath his contentment. “You’re the one who can’t see. You don’t know. You don’t understand.”

“I understand he makes you serve him, makes you think you’re a part of it, makes you think you—”

“Ezra has never forced me into anything,” Roman clarified quite adamantly. “From day one, before day one, I always had a choice. Me. This right here is my choice. Everything in this arrangement is my choice.”

“Oh, you suddenly just choose to be gay?” Levi asked, batting his eyes with a sarcastic flirty edge that held more anger than humor. “It doesn’t work that way. I know a lot of guys in here would have folks believing otherwise, but you either feel a certain way or you don’t.”

“I enjoy what we do,” Roman said flatly, honestly. Because he did get off on it more and more, especially the more he willed himself to accept the arrangement. “Itfeelsgood.”

“Just because your body enjoys a situation doesn’t mean you do. So, again, doesn’t mean a thing.” Levi shrugged. “I’ve tugged a load out of my fair share of straight cock.”

“It’s not like that,” Roman clarified. “I’ve always been a little curious.”

It was a reality he hadn’t been able to accept for a long time. The brutal introduction to his curiosity didn’t help matters. He’d never pondered submission. He had wondered about men. Few and far between, brief thoughts that were always washed away when he could quickly fantasize about a woman too. He couldn’t begaygay, and since he didn’t like the idea of all the gay things, he wouldn’t have considered himself bi either. There were gay positions or acts he didn’t want to ever try until Ezra came along.

Now, he liked them. He reminded himself that he liked them. So, when his mind would drift from the fantasy of switching positions to actually being sucked off for a change, he finally let his thoughts focus on men. Not on Ezra. He could never imagine him being submissive. It was too dangerous a thought. Usually, his mind would drift to Levi, which was an equally dangerous thought. It pissed Roman off how Levi ruined his fantasies with an asinine attitude and aggressive assumptions.

Ultimately, Roman wasn’t sure if he was gay or bi or somewhere in between, but he didn’t need the answers.

“Now, he tells me.” Levi dramatically gestured while flaunting just a bit.

Roman chuckled, actually chuckled. It surprised him, the genuine joy that swept through him so suddenly. It’d been so long since he smiled or laughed just for the sake of it and not for Ezra’s benefit. It was also a reminder of how Levi and Roman could switch gears in their friendship, go from the heat of an argument to idle nonsense without missing a beat.

“If I’d known, I would’ve flirted a hell of a lot harder,” Levi continued as if he hadn’t been quite convincing the few times he’d hinted to Roman.

It was something Roman would go back and change. He’d never accepted Levi’s advances, shutting them down and pretending he hadn’t caught the suggestions, but now he let his mind wander. Levi hadn’t been subtle about offering to suck Roman off.

Roman still remembered Levi’s pouty face and the way he sat on the floor, organizing something. “Hands are great and all, but let’s be real: the lube in this place is scarce.”

The only reason Roman never made a move was because he didn’t want it to be some desperate “only for the stay” kind of reason. And he didn’t want it to be a powerplay. Roman firmly believed if he started making Levi suck his dick, then it would ruin their bond, their friendship. Friends didn’t force themselves onto one another, didn’t abuse their authority to take advantage, but he’d also learned from Ezra that friends liked to help each other out. Roman liked helping Ezra, liked proving he was a good friend.

“You said you have a choice,” Levi said, quite seriously, with a hand pressed close to Roman’s.

Roman almost retreated, worried Levi would overstep, worried Levi would touch him. No one touched Roman except for Ezra.

“I do have a choice,” Roman lied, believing it less and less every time Ezra reminded him, though that had also become less and less now that Roman had accepted his fate.

“Then choose me,” Levi said. “Choose to room with me. Not for some fucked up ‘you do what I say or else’ kind of arrangement. But as friends. Like we were before all of this.”

“I can’t.” Roman’s face contorted, confused and frightened. “Do you know how many people hate me? What would happenwithout Ezra’s protection? He’s the only reason I’m safe, the only reason you’re safe.”

“He’s not,” Levi spoke with bared teeth like he might tear out someone’s throat. “I can protect you. I’m not the person I was.”

“You’ve won a few fights; you’ve walked with your head held up because no one is trying to push it down,” Roman said, shoving his tray away. “Do you know why no one is knocking you to your knees? Because Ezra protects you. Do you know why you’re getting a little tougher? Because Ezra allows it.”

“Whether he does or he doesn’t, I will fight to keep you safe, to let you be yourself again.”

“I am myself.” Roman scowled.

“Roman, I can’t keep watching you make yourself smaller and smaller.” Levi let all the anger in his expression wash away, and he gave Roman an expression he hadn’t recognized. It wasn’t pity, but there was sadness in his eyes. Hope—almost empathy, maybe. Roman didn’t recognize or understand what empathy was anymore.

“I’m fine.” Roman stretched his fingers, which sat flat on the table. He let his pinky touch Levi’s, he let his thoughts wander just a bit more than usual, he let himself ignore how mad Levi made him, and he focused on the play-pretend possibilities that he’d never have.

“You’re not fine, and you won’t be fine if you keep this up.”

Roman frowned and stormed away from the table, unable to listen a second longer. Roman returned to his cell and fixated on his conversation with Levi. Not a conversation. An argument. It pissed him off. The way Levi could just warp things, pretend everything would be okay, pretend he understood a goddamn thing about Roman’s situation. He didn’t. He never would. And that was because of what Roman sacrificed. Not a sacrifice. He was happy, mostly. He’d learnedto be happy. It was Levi’s unnecessary comments that tried ruining the only good thing Roman had going for him.

Later that night, Ezra stepped into the room, a smile on his face and a light laugh escaping his lips as he bid his farewells to Jake and his crew. Thankfully, none of them stepped inside. Roman sat up.

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