Page 48 of Two Who Live On

Milo chuckled, running his fingers back and forth along my leg.

“I can’t blame you, though. I did the same thing twelve years ago.” Milo quivered; the joy in his eyes and thoughts vanished. “I’ve been carrying that failure for twelve years, and last night, I almost fixed it.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know or think this case involved the same demons. Didn’t want to believe it, anyway. I’d encountered enough slinking around Chicago to give up hoping I’d fix my impulsiveness. But something about this case stirred potentials. They were—”

“Too hazy,” I interjected. That much I already knew, but the rest remained new to me.

“Exactly. Demonic energy is the worst.” Milo half-grinned, mostly to fight off a frown. “First time around, when I found that gorgon and saw…saw…”

It was Milo who struggled to say the name, so opposite of our dynamic. I’d always struggled to mention Finn in conversation over the years up until recently. Tears pooled in the corners of Milo’s eyes.

“You saw Finn’s body and acted.”

“Yes. I attacked the gorgon, blaming him for every horrible thing Finn had endured.” Milo’s shoulders shuddered. “I wanted to hate him, make him culpable.”

“He was.”

“To an extent. In the last moments, I’d seen void visions, snippets revealing another. It didn’t matter, though. I was so angry and wanted so badly to satiate it then that I banished the gorgon right then and there.”

I tensed. His words were incomprehensible.

“Another demon? Then?”

“It makes sense. Gorgons can’t open warp portals to new places. Still, the first time around, I acted in haste, desperate for vengeance, and when the connections linking the gorgon to another source faded, I pushed that regret and impulse away. I couldn’t face it.”

I wrapped my fingers around Milo’s as they began trembling. Without words, without thoughts, I compiled all the rage and fear and sorrow and regret wrapped in the moment Milo held for when he’d banished the gorgon twelve years ago.

“I understand.”

“Then you understand why I can’t blame your actions last night. I can’t expect you to act right, logical, long term, when I couldn’t.”

“But you are now.”

“I am because I failed before. Failed so many lives killing a demon that turns out can’t die. How many others have resurrected themselves? Is it a new ability from demons? Is it a branch at play? A higher-tier demon no one has encountered? I don’t know. Probably never will, but I want to try.”

“Milo, you can’t carry the world—”

“It didn’t bring Finn back. Didn’t change his fate. My actions then didn’t stop any real horrors from continuing in this world.”

Milo held onto every life lost in the city, the state, the nation, and the world. Hating himself for every failed move he’d made when predicting outcomes. That single impulsive banishment weighed on him every single day he worked toward fixing the world, one he kept carefully tucked behind the white wall of strings that lay just past the wall of screens in his mind’s core.It also acted as a driving force, motivating him to always thoroughly root through visions, searching each and every single one so he didn’t accidentally screw up.

“What are you going to do now?”

Milo shrugged. “The best I can. And I want you to do the same.”

I nodded.

“Focus on work, Dorian. Help your students be successful. Maybe I find a new lead; maybe I don’t. Maybe the demon or demons stay or return or whatever; maybe they move on.” He shrugged again. “I just don’t want this to be our story. I don’t want to hurt you or fail you or blame you.”

“I don’t think any of that.” I scooted closer to Milo, unable to bear the distance between us any longer. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.” He kissed me softly, gentle and without tongue, but his mind spoke a thousand words, instantaneously explaining I never needed to apologize to him because he’d love me no matter what.

He moved further on the bed and lay down. I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him as our minds synced. For hours we laid together, silencing the entire world.

My nose rested against the back of his head while we remained in this embrace, simply enjoying the touch and company of one another.

---