Page 74 of Weatherman

As the night wore on, I sat in the main room, half-drunk from no sleep. Betsey stayed with me, bringing me water and soft drinks. Table and Lori stayed, their kids sleeping in their room and them camping out on the sofa next to me. Mute and Kat went home. Stud and Eva came by with their girls for a littlewhile. Psalm waited for Blue to get off work before she took her stepchildren back to their house.

The hours plodded on with lead feet. I saw the night sky fade into morning. It glowed a dull orange and would stay that way until the smoke cleared. The acrid taste of ash coated everything.

Brick was a rock. He was hurting, too, but he stepped up as the leader of this group and held it together. His strides echoed through the cavernous room as he paced and waited for the radio in his hand to speak. When it crackled, he answered and listened to whoever was on the other side before relaying the latest news to the group. Natalie was still sleeping upstairs, blissfully unaware that her son was missing somewhere in the smoldering mountains.

“They think most of the flare-ups are done, but there’s still some hot spots. Margie came just in time, but she ain’t done yet. The burned-up vegetation might make some of the creeks overflow, so there might be some flash flooding in a few places. Parts of the town lost power.”

He walked over and squatted in front of me, and I met his eyes with my puffy, swollen ones. “They got a search and rescue team that’s goin’ in as soon as they say it’s safe. We got a bunch of boys missing, but we’re gonna find ’em—all of ’em—and we’re gonna bring them home.”

Fresh tears gathered behind my eyes. Would they find Bryce, or would they find his body? I’d grieved so many times already; did I have to do it again?

The morning blended into afternoon. People came by and hung out as we waited for news. Some of the firefighters came in from the ridges, covered in soot and smoke. Betsey got them into showers and had her giant Crock-Pots of soups and stews bubbling away to feed them before they crashed in the camping cabins. Donna was there, too, having brought a case of rolls and baguettes from the Ingles bakery where she now worked. Foronce, she wasn’t flirty or pushy with the men, just helped serve with a gentle smile.

Pearl woke up and brought her smiles and giggles to brighten the gloom. She played with several of the other kids in a big group scattered on the floor. Every once in a while, she toddled over to me to sit on my lap and cuddle. Natalie sat beside me, holding vigil. The expression on her face when she found out Bryce was missing was something I hoped I never saw again.

We spent another night the same way. I ate and drank what was put in front of me, but only because I couldn’t shut down completely. I didn’t cry any more, too numb to even think. My anxiety attacks hadn’t made an appearance, as I was beyond them. The place I’d found was a big empty void of all emotions, and the people around me were scared that I wouldn’t return.

“She ain’t cried enough yet. Got it all bottled up.”

“Might burst anytime. Make sure someone stays with her to catch it.”

“Think she’ll find her way back?”

Truthfully, I didn’t want to. At least not yet. Pearl needed her mother, and I would pick up my life to be one for her, but there was a piece of me that was just gone, and I had no energy to look for it.

Mute stomped his way around the place like an agitated bull. The search and rescue people weren’t allowing the civilian volunteers to help just yet because of potential flare-ups. Parts of the forest could reignite, but the hope was that Margie had dumped enough rain to keep that from happening. She was still coming down and washing the smoke from the sky, cleaning the air and the earth.

The morning of the third day, Natalie was asleep upstairs only because Betsey forced her to rest. I expected she would be making me do that soon. Maybe I’d let her.

Pearl crawled onto my lap and slapped at my face. “Mama tick?”

I roused for the first time. “No, baby, I’m not sick. Just tired.”

“Go ’teep?”

Tears came, and my nose started to run. “That’s a good idea. I think I’ll go take a nap.”

“Bish book.”

I bit my lip as a fresh wave of pain hit my heart, and I couldn’t breathe. My girl’s favorite book was Dr. Seuss’sOne Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fishthat Bryce often read to her. Would she miss him as much as I did?

I lifted myself off the couch that I’d barely left in three days. My back and legs cramped, but I stood up and shook some life back into my limbs. Camo would never expect me to sit on my ass this long, and Bryce wouldn’t either.

The radio in Brick’s hand crackled. He’d slept some, but he’d never left me alone, keeping watch over me as I’d held my vigil for Bryce.

“We found him,” the garbled voice announced. The tone was hard to distinguish. Was it a happy note or a grim one?

My heart dropped out of my body, and the room spun. I heard Pearl’s “Mama?” inquiry, but the white noise filling my ears covered everything else.

Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it.

Someone’s hands caught me. Mute or Table or Dodge, I couldn’t tell. The organs in my chest fought hard against everything.

My heart beat uncontrollably.

My lungs stopped working.

My eyes lost their vision.

---