Page 56 of Inevitable

I lay in bed thinking over the day. Luca was so good with Alessandro. Kids haven’t been on my radar since Luca and I have gotten back together. We dreamt up what our family would look like and even talked about names years ago. But ever since I lost him it has never even crossed my mind. I guess I always knew I would only want Luca’s children if I ever had them.

It makes sense that he wouldn’t want kids anymore, for their sake and his. But I can’t help but feel a pang of sadness in my heart that I will never get to experience so much. Never get to be pregnant or hear my baby cry for the first time. I won’t see their first steps or hear their first words. I won’t have a child to pass my mother’s company down to, or any family heirlooms for that matter.

Then I think of having kids with anyone besides Luca and the pang gets worse. I know without a doubt whatever I have to sacrifice to have Luca in my life will be worth it. Still, I go to bed sad at the loss of a dream we both shared.

The next morning Luca says he has to go out to look into a few leads, he promises to be careful and to be home by dinner. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads out. Minutes later my phone rings and I see that it is Kiki. I smile and answer it.

“Hey Keek’s.”

“Fuck my lifeeee,” she groans out.

“Uh oh, what’s wrong now?”

“Aunt flow that’s what. Want to have a lazy day with copious amounts of chocolate, midol and heating pads like we use to? I could come over?”

“Sure, I’m not on my period but I can watch you be miserable,” I offer chuckling.

“Wait what? We are always in sync. Did that change?”

“Not that I know of, it will probably come soon.”

“Girl,” she deadpans. “Are you knocked up?”

“What! No, of course not. That’s impossible.”

“Not impossible, just very unlikely but it can happen.”

“Well, you just started right? I am not even technically late. There is no way,” I argue.

“One way to know for sure. I’ll stop at the store on the way to your place. See you in 30.”

She hangs up and I sit up in bed thinking. It couldn’t be possible right? There is no way. I can’t be pregnant, nope I’m not. Kiki is just getting to me by jumping to conclusions, like usual. Just watch, she will bring a test and it will be negative then we will have a good laugh. Yeah, it will be fine.

45 minutes later I am staring at a stick with a pink plus mark in shock. I shake it for the 15th time, refusing to believe it’s true.

“Sweetie, it's not an etch a sketch. You aren’t going to change the truth by shaking the stick,” Kiki says placing a comforting hand on my shoulder and rubbing up and down. “It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s not.” I croak out. “Luca and I literally just talked about kids last night. He told me that he never wants them. He can’t because of all of this,” I say gesturing around us. I look to Kiki and she gives me a sympathetic look.

“Well, you do have options-”

“No,” I cut her off sharply. “That’s the issue, I can’t. I didn’t realize how much I wanted a baby until I looked at the test. Once it sank in…” I trail off. “I never thought I would want anything as much as I want Luca. But if he is going to make me choose between him and this baby, I’m choosing the baby.”

Kiki gives a sharp inhale before nodding her head. “Okay sweetie. Well, no matter what happens you know I will be here for you, both of you,” she says glancing at my currently flat stomach.

“I love you Keeks,” I whisper through tears and wrap her in a hug. She hugs me back and holds me tightly as I start to cry.

“I love you Ash. Everything will be okay.”

The rest of our day is spent with me randomly crying and Kiki trying to console me. She seems to be much happier that she is on her period now, probably thanking the lord she isn’t in my situation.

“How could this have happened, Keek’s? I don’t get it. I am on birth control.”

“I don’t know. Nothing is ever 100% effective.”

I throw my head back on the bed chastising myself. Kiki pats my knee sympathetically and tries to distract me, but all of her efforts fall short.

She leaves about an hour later and now I am thinking about everything, trying to figure out how to tell Luca and wondering what his reaction will be. I hear the front door open and close before footsteps bound up the stairs. I tuck the test in to my lap and take a deep breath. My hands start to shake as I try to calm my nerves. I am not sure what I expect, it's not like he will be mad. But will he try to force me to get rid of the baby? Insist on it? I can’t even think about that right now.

---