Page 38 of Forever We Fall

Arlo is strong on his feet.

“Good. You’re doing great.” I slide open the opaque door, shuffle us closer, and then check the temperature. “It’s ready for you.”

We stand in each other’s arms for more than a minute. He’s still shaking. I bite the bullet and push him toward the shower while also trying to extricate my arms from him.

He walks backward into the shower, but his grip holds.

“Arlo?” I narrow my gaze on him.

Finally, his beautiful eyes meet mine. They’re pleading and slightly dazed like he has no idea what’s happening. It has to be shock.

I step into the shower with him, close the door, and shift him under the spray. It cascades in hot streams over his body and down mine. In seconds, my singlet is soaked through as are his boxer briefs.

In the cocoon of the warm shower, I listen to the beat of Arlo’s heart. I memorize the tune and try to time my heartbeats to his.

“Blakely.” Arlo’s brutalized voice sounds like the mist around us. Barely there, but powerful in its foreboding.

On one of the many nights we’ve lain in bed, so careful not to touch, tired and also wide awake, he told me the story of his brother’s girlfriend.

Blakely McAllister.

She is also Arlo’s first crush. I don’t begrudge her that. Not much anyway. She’s the only source of comfort for him from his old life. For that, I adore this girl I’ve never met.

They’ve spoken on the phone every Sunday since the accident. Unless he is in the hellscape of his uncle’s house, which he never will be again.

Blakely McAllister was supposed to be in the car on that fateful day when Arlo lost everyone he loved. Sickness had kept her from attending the college visit. It also saved her life.

A coldness I haven’t felt since I opened my mother’s bedroom door settles in my spine. Sure, it’s possible that she’s found another boyfriend, and Arlo is taking it harder than I’d expect, but if losing his parents and brother and then finding himself in a literal torture chamber for months on end hadn’t pushed him to self-harm, I’m afraid to know what has happened to send him over the edge.

I tighten my hold on Arlo. “What about Blakely?”

“She’s dead.”

He speaks as though a robot has taken over his mainframe. His unique voice is devoid of emotion.

That scares me more than the cuts and the blood.

She was the last string to his former life. Now she’s gone. Just gone. My insides turn solid.

“How does that make you feel?” I manage to choke out.

He’s quiet for too long. I smooth my hand over his back, willing the words and emotions from him. Nothing comes.

“Arlo, how does her death make you feel?” I force conviction and determination into my voice.

“Empty.”

“Is that why you cut yourself?”

“I…I don’t know. Her mom called me. She said…” A series of shivers jar his chest against mine. I hold him firm.

“She died of an overdose. They didn’t even know she was taking drugs. She didn’t leave a note. So they don’t know if it was intentional. But she’d stopped going to classes weeks ago. Stopped buying groceries the week before.”

His fingers slide into the wet hair at my nape. The tips of them mold my skin in a death grip. Suddenly, my insides are fine. Too fine. I press my lips together to keep from moaning.

I feel the underworld singe my toes through the tiles. Hell, here I come. That’s exactly where I should go for even the glancing thought of a boner right now.

Fuck me.

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