Page 123 of Forever We Fall

It hits me like a dump truck. The phone number has been disconnected.

My heart skitters and careens. My breath heaves. I hang up and try again, and then again. All with the same outcome.

Without really meaning to, I dial my grandparents. I don’t want to put them in an uncomfortable position, but I don’t want to be without Arlo more.

The same deadly tones ring in my ear over and over and over and into the night.

I can’t believe this day has come. For months, it’s been looming, part savior and part wraith.

I don’t look at my cleared-out room as I set my duffel by the door. No, I have to look at something far worse. Hota’s packed-up room and his sad, beautiful face.

I pull my shoulders back and stride through the bathroom we’ve shared for the past three years. The small room that holds so many memories. Some terrible, but mostly the best of my life.

Without knocking, I push into Hota’s room.

He’s sitting in the chair, my chair, with his elbows on his knees and his head between his hands.

“A lot of memories in that chair.”

“Yeah.” His voice is deeper than normal as though he’s been crying. His gaze is on the ground.

“A lot of memories in this room.”

He nods but still doesn’t look at me.

He’s been distant the past few months. I know something is going on with him, but he won’t let me in. I haven’t pushed. What right do I have? Especially after the way I’ve treated him.

“Look at me, Hota.”

His long, elegant hand wipes at his nose. “I can’t.”

My knees give, nearly buckling under my weight.

No. No. No.

I don’t want to leave Hota. No part of me does, but I can’t leave things like this. With no goodbye. With no… I don’t know what. Since I can’t fucking touch him and he can’t touch me.

Apparently, I have to be on the verge of a mental break or a broken skull to allow it, even for a little while.

Someone find a rock!

“Why not?” I try my best to keep the sting from my tone.

“If I look at you…” His jaw tightens, and his shoulders tense. He shakes his head. “Just go, Arlo.”

“No,” I snap. “Look at me."

His whole frame shakes. “If I look at you, I’ll tell you that I love you. If I look at you, I’ll throw myself into your fucking arms and hold you so tight, you won’t be able to breathe or leave.”

Goose bumps erupt along my spine. They run up my arm and down the backs of my legs. That is the goodbye I want. I don’t know what the repercussions will be, but I’ll pay them for this goodbye.

I make my voice as strong and as clear as I can.

“Then look at me, Hota.”

He blinks up at me. His dark, wet lashes cling together. He jumps to his feet and barrels at me.

My arms open. His chest crashes into mine a split second before his arms wrap me tight. I catch his momentum with a grunt and tie one arm over his shoulder while the other hooks around his ribs.

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