Page 86 of Carved in Ruin

Anatoly.

Of course, it’s him. Anatoly has made a habit of barging in without knocking. My blood boils as he steps into the room, his eyes barely registering the sculptures before landing on me.

Before he can say a word, I’m across the room. My clay-stained hand grips his throat, slamming him into the wall with a force that rattles the frames nearby. His eyes go wide, his hands clawing at mine. I don’t let up.

“You don’t come in here. Not when I’m working on her,” I growl.

“Rafael—” he gasps, his words cut off as I press harder.

“No one sees her like this!” My voice cracks with rage. “No one. Not you, not anyone.”

His face turns red. “You’re… losing it,” he chokes out.

I loosen my grip just enough for him to suck in a ragged breath, but I don’t let go. “Say that again,” I dare him.

“You’re losing your mind without her,” he repeats, his words tumbling out in a rush. “You’re obsessed. Look at yourself, Rafael. You’ve turned into a fucking animal.”

“You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t feel it every second she’s gone? I can’t fucking breathe without her, Anatoly. She’s everywhere. In my head. In my veins. I close my eyes, and it’s her. I open them, and it’s her absence that greets me.”

He stares at me, his expression a mix of fear and pity. It makes me want to rip the walls down.

“You don’t get it,” I hiss. “You’ve never had someone like her. Someone who owns every fucking piece of you. She’s mine, Anatoly. Mine to watch. Mine to protect. Mine to sculpt. And if she won’t come back to me…”

I trail off, my breath heaving.

“You’ve been keeping tabs on her, haven’t you?”

I smile, a dark grin that even I can feel is wrong. “Of course I have. Did you think I’d just let her go? I know where she is, who she talks to, what she eats for lunch, even when her last fuckingperiod was. I know she’s thriving, Anatoly. Thriving while I’m rotting.”

“She’ll hate you if she finds out.”

“She already hates me!” I roar, slamming him harder into the wall. “But hate is better than indifference. Hate still ties her to me. And if this is what it takes, if this is what I have to become to keep her, then so fucking be it.”

“You can’t live like this,” he says quietly. “You’re going to destroy yourself.”

I lean in, my voice dropping to a dangerous whisper. “I don’t care. If destroying myself means I get her back, then so be it.”

I release him suddenly, and he stumbles, clutching his throat as he gasps for air. I turn back to the sculpture, picking up where I left off.

Anatoly lingers by the door, his back to the room. “You need help, Rafael. This isn’t—”

“Leave,” I snap without looking at him.

He hesitates, then finally retreats, the door clicking shut behind him.

I stand up and go wash my hands. The water is freezing, biting at my skin as I let it cascade over my hands. I scrub harder, watching the soap swirl down the drain. My fingers ache from the pressure, but I can’t stop. It’s not just my hands that feel dirty—it’s everything else.

The chair creaks as I sink back into it. The glass box on the table catches my eye immediately. I reach for it like it’s an extension of myself. Inside is the single strand of her hair I got from the fountain that day, curled perfectly like it knows it belongs to me.

I open the box with more care than I show most people. I lift the strand and hold it to the light. It glimmers, and I can’t help the smile tugging at my lips.

I run the strand between my fingers, then bring it to my nose, inhaling deeply. It’s her. All of her. The obsession inside me churns and grows, clawing at my chest until I feel like I’ll break apart from the force of it.

I only gave her the one month because I know how damn stubborn she is. If I hadn’t, she would’ve hurt herself trying to run, desperate to prove a point. That’s who Mila is—fierce. I know her better than she thinks. It’ll take less than a month for her to realize the truth—that no matter how far she tries to go, we can’t be apart.

Every night, I sit here, telling myself I won’t do it. I won’t go to her. I won’t slip into her space. But every night since she’s been gone, I lose that fight.

Tonight is no different.

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