Page 74 of Carved in Ruin

“Mila,” I growl, my voice low, threatening, but laced with desperation. She turns her head, just barely, meeting my eyes. There’s no life in them.

“Give me the pistol,” I demand, taking a step forward.

She shakes her head. “Don’t come closer, Rafael,” she warns, pressing the barrel harder against her chest.

My blood freezes. “Kroshka,don’t. Don’t do this.”

“I don’t want to live like this anymore,” she whispers. “I feel… dirty. Evil. Gross.”

Her lips tremble, though she’s fighting it, holding back her tears.

“Ibegyou, Mila. Give me the gun,” I hiss, stepping closer. If it means saving her, I’ll beg. I’ll fall apart in front of her. I don’t give a fuck.

“I can’t live with this darkness anymore… this darkness inside me.” Finally, her tears start falling.

I drop to my knees, lifting my hands, exposing my throat, my pride, my everything. For the first time in my life, I submit. To her. For her.

“Look at me,Kroshka.Please.”

She does. But it’s like she’s staring through me, into nothingness.

“You’re not dark. You’re not evil. You’re pure, Mila. So fucking pure,” I tell her. “Don’t do this. Don’t you fucking dare leave me.”

“I burn everyone I love,” she says.

“That’s not true,” I argue. My hands are still raised, my knees digging into the floor. “Put it down, Mila. Please. Put the fucking gun down.”

Her voice rises, raw and angry. “I don’t want to punish you with my presence anymore, Rafael! I know you can’t move on unless I’m gone, and you won’t let me go! I’m doing us both a favor—freeing us from these chains we’re bound to.”

“Don’t you fucking dare. We belong together, Mila. Even in death, I’ll follow you. There is no life—no world—where we aren’t bound. Do you hear me? You are mine.”

She shakes her head, her hollow stare cutting into me.

“Then shoot me first,” I say, offering myself to her. “Put a fucking bullet straight through my heart before you put it to yours. Kill me first. I can’t imagine a world without you in it—to tease me, to torment me, to love me. Make me bleed, burn me, scar me. Unleash every ounce of the hurt I caused you onto me. Drown me in your rage, your pain, just don’t fucking leave me.”

Her hand trembles for the first time, her breath hitching. “Why are you doing this to me?” she screams. “Why can’t you make this easy?”

I choke on my words. The truth is stuck in my throat like a blade. I’ve never even admitted it to myself before. Never thought I would. But looking at her now, I don’t have a choice.

“Because I’m fucking in love with you!”

The words rip out of me like a confession, raw and violent, tearing me apart. “I love you, Mila. Do you hear me? I fucking love you. I’m so sorry for making you feel like anything but the goddess you are. You are the goddess of light, of innocence, of pureness, and I am the devil kneeling at your feet.”

She stares at me, her lips twitching, then lets out a broken laugh. A smile crosses her face—a haunting one.

And then she lifts the gun higher, presses it to her chest again, and pulls the trigger.

The sound is deafening. My world shatters.

Blood pours out of her like a goddamned river, soaking through her shirt, painting her skin crimson. My Mila. My perfect Mila.

I crawl to her, gathering her into my arms. She’s limp, her head lolling against my chest. “Stay with me, Mila,” I roar. “Stay with me!”

Her breathing comes in short, sharp gasps, her chest heaving against my hands. Then her body stills, her eyes fluttering closed. No. Fucking no. A guttural scream rips from my throat, shaking the walls of the room.

The sound of pounding footsteps barely registers. Anatoly and Arkadi burst in, their faces pale as death. Maybe they know what will become of me if she doesn’t survive this. “I’m getting the emergency unit ready,” Arkadi barks before disappearing.

Anatoly moves to take her from me, but I snarl like a caged animal, clutching her tighter. “Don’t fucking touch her!” Her blood is soaking into my clothes. I won’t let her go.

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