Aria just blinked at them for a long moment. They were apologizing… for not encouraging her to date other men. Her first instinct was to argue, to deny, to be upset, but… she couldn’t make her lips form the words or muster the ire she thought she should feel.
Tirox rested a supportive hand on Kix’s shoulder, and murmured, “None of us are practiced with being mated, so perhaps the fault lies at no one's feet. Anyway, we cannot change what is done. We can only look upon those actions and learn from them. Now, we will all”—he included her in that all with a glance—“speak with honesty and heal this rift. I will go first.”
He adjusted so he could face both her and Kix, his expression both earnest and determined.
“I do not like living in the complex. I am eager to settle down in a cave of our own. Or a house. And I yearn for cubs. I know our battle on this world is not yet finished. I do not suggest we give up and hide away while others fight for us. But why can we not have our share of the happiness so many others are taking for themselves?”
He zeroed in on her, his expression tender, his gaze unwavering.
“I know your spirit,rwy’n la. I don’t believe you will allow us this until your heart is no longer fractured. I understand. A spirit cannot be at peace when it is missing parts. I do not fault you for this, but I have begun to worry you do not believe yourself deserving or perhaps capable of that happiness. If that is true, then I tell you now, you are wrong. You, my heart, need to learn balance. Youcanbe a warrior, a mate,anda mother.Iknow this even if you do not. You trust me in all else, so trust me in this.”
He nodded once then relaxed back against the edge of the tub and waved a hand at Kix, signaling it was his turn. Aria, still speechless, turned to Kix feeling almost dazed, wondering what bombs he was about to drop.
Kix drew in a slow breath. “I agree with everything he said. I will add, I am ready to move into a body without this ability. I have refused, thinking you needed this of me. I want to protect you. I told myself that was why I must not lose this… gift. That was not a lie, yet neither was it the truth. I know now my refusal stemmed from a belief that my worth to you was dependent on my ability. I did not admit that, even to myself. It took Tirox losing his patience for me to see.” He turned to Tirox. “Your words were hard to hear, my friend, yet I am grateful for them.”
Aria felt gutted. He thought she only valued him for his ability? Before she could speak, Kix grimaced and shook his head at the stunned devastation he felt from her.
“It’s not your fault, my treasure. We all have past insecurities. I let mine speak louder than my sense.”
“Jesus, Kix. I didn’t know. I wanted to suggest you move into a new body so many times, but I… Your people are born this way. I know Zhrovni fucked with it and made it stronger, but I… I didn’t—don’t—ever want you to think I don't accept and love all of you.”
“I know, myaessa.” He pulled her forward into a tight hug, opening himself so she could feel everything he felt. Loosening his hold after he felt her calm, he caught her gaze. “Now, Rellik and Thrasin. Feel the truth of my words, treasure. Tirox and I would welcome them into thiscajassi, into your court. We already think of them as such. I know part of your hesitation came from a desire to spare me pain, but their minds and emotions cause me no discomfort. Their thoughts are of you, my song. So, tell us, why do you deny them?”
“I- I’m afraid,” she admitted, her voice rough as she forced herself to say those words.
“Why?” Tirox asked, looking genuinely confused. “Why do you fear? You did not falter with Kix and I. You did not deny our bond, even when your mind was caged by the Veiling.”
Aria shook her head. “That’s exactly why. It was easy with you two. By the time I woke up, I was already in love. I'd already lost my heart. I wasn't there to pick it apart and hesitate and panic and second guess.” Her lips twisted derisively. “I wasn't there to ruin it. That other side didn't fear the fall, she welcomed it.” She huffed a mirthless laugh, shaking her head. "It'd be easier if… ” She trailed off, shaking her head again.
Kix finished her sentence. “It would be easier if you did not have to take the leap.”
“Yeah. I’m not… good at feelings. You two are the first successful relationships I’ve ever had. What if I fuck everything up? What if I hurt them?”
Tirox rumbled in understanding. “You already are.”
He said it gently, but she still flinched.
“I know. I know that,” she whispered.
“So, stop.” Tirox said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. When she gave him a look, he smirked and shook his head. “We don’t ask you to marriage them today.”
A reluctant smile curled her lips. “Marry,” she corrected.
He ignored her. “We ask you to try. Only try. Trust us. Trust them. And trust yourself. It is not for you alone to… to—” He stumbled and waved his hand like he was trying to conjure the words before apparently giving up. “Kix, use your pretty words. Say what I mean.”
Her firefly chuckled but dutifully translated, “We are in this together. Your relationships with each of us are separate. Yet, at the same time, they are not. You think it lies on your shoulders, alone. You feel as though only you will be responsible for success or failure. That is not true. We are a family. It falls to all of us to make this work.”
Tirox nodded. “Just so.”
Some of the pressure on her chest lifted at that and, yet, what if…
“What if they don’t want forever? What if they don’t want to… share? What if they get jealous or decide they can’t deal with”—she waved a hand between the three of them—“whatever you call this?”
“These are things you will have to speak with them about, my song. Icouldtell you what they feel. Yet, I believe you need to hear them say it. Besides, they need you to ask.”
She frowned, because that was exactly what she’d wanted: for him to tell her how they felt, to alleviate her fears… without having to ask them directly and risk hearing things that would hurt.
When she realized that, however, she forced herself to straighten her shoulders.