Page 48 of Gravel and Grit

His words came out slightly strangled and in the wrong order as he replied, “Both. Yes.”

Mira nodded and faced forward again, her heart beating a little faster as that wonder and excitement got a little stronger, a little less fragile. She took that information with her as she fell silent again and retreated back into her thoughts.

It took Mira the rest of the day before she emerged enough to become aware that something had changed with Zaek.

They didn’t have sex that night or the next, but the tension she felt from him didn’t seem sexual in nature, so she didn’t think that was the problem. Besides, Zaek was perceptive. Obviously, he could see she was playing catch up. She needed all the information she could gather before making such a monumental choice. He said the effects of the mating fluid were reversible, and she needed to be sure of that choice before she had another dose. Her first instinct, in complete contrast to her usual methodical decision making process, was to say yes, climb him like a tree, and lick that salted caramel tasting fluid off his tongue. But this was too serious, too

important to approach with such impulsiveness or to allow her libido to sway her. She wanted to have sex with him again, badly, but she controlled herself, as did Zaek, and she appreciated his thoughtfulness immensely.

She asked him what was wrong, repeatedly, over the course of that day.

And again the next and the next. Every time, he deflected by encouraging her to ask him about his world, his people, his culture.

But that tactic became less effective over time. He was withdrawn, and there was tension between them, strain. At first, she thought her reaction to his news had pushed him away, had hurt him. She tried to make up for that by peppering him with more questions, showing him she was interested.

Her focus began to steadily shift from them—from possibilities and family and children and exploring an alien world and making a life together

—tohim.

It hit her like a slap one day, what was different about him.

Zaek wouldn’t touch her. She touched him, and he never pulled away, but he didn’t return her touches.

He was always ready to put aside whatever he was doing and give her his full attention when she asked him questions, which was often. He cared for her in any way he could, eagerly and without ever once giving her the impression he did it because he thought she was incapable or helpless. It was like caring for her was something he genuinely enjoyed. He stayed close to her, never venturing far unless it was unavoidable.

And he watched her. She felt his gaze like a comforting weight, though he always turned away before she could catch him.

But, he wouldn’t so much as graze a claw over her curls.

Mira had become more than just accustomed to his habit of touching her, she loved it. He’d done it from almost the moment they met. The lack, now, made her feel like she’d lost something—a constant feeling of having forgotten something crucial, something precious.

She was so confused. He was acting like he’d hurt her, like he was trying desperately to earn her forgiveness, but she wasn’t upset.

She tried to gently pry it out of him, whatever it was that was bothering him, but the more she pried, the more he shut down.

Finally, a horrible thought occurred to her.

What if he regrets mating me? What if he doesn’t want me?

That day, like some kind of horrible, heartbreaking, cosmic sign, she turned in time to catch him staring and saw an expression of such intense

remorse and shame in his eyes before he quickly hid it behind a smile.

Mira felt that fragile wonder and excitement fracture, and her heart with it.

She stopped asking questions after that.

3 2

MIRA

They worked side by side in his basement workshop, day in and day out, focused on fixing his beacon. They’d been at it for just under a week when they finally succeeded.

Mira thought she should have felt some sense of accomplishment or excitement that, after two years, she finally got to see the stubborn thing work, but, she didn’t because it meant she was one step closer to losing Zaek completely.

To avoid being a completely horrible, selfish person she focused on what the beacon being operational meant for all the Khargals stranded on Earth.

This was their way home, back to their lives and families, andthatwas something to be happy about.

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